Elmo, thank you for that detailed post of yours. I take it that you're a lady, & your advice for me would be valuable. I hope you didn't get offended by my posts before, I didn't mean anything bad in them, or talk about Pakistani girls in a bad way. My sister is a Pakistani girl herself, & she's great.
You want a girl who is economically independent, which means if she wants to buy something she goes ahead and buys it without nagging you. You clearly don't like the idea of supporting her economically. You want her to do her own things and not be a chaperone.
It's not the money that is the issue, but I want her to be economically (& professionally) independent so that she is happy with her own personal life. It doesn't mean I won't spend for her, of course I will, but I want her to be working professionally so that she keeps herself busy with things.
Now if you are 24 and are looking for a Pakistani girl, and your mum is involved in the process then a suitable girl for you back here in Pakistan would be a 20-21 year old (You know how the age difference here is at least a couple of years).
I'm not looking to get married anytime soon, & I don't have any objection with a girl my age or even a year older than me. It is the emotional connection that matters to me, but a certain of emotional independence as well.
In all probability, at that age she would be dreaming of a guy to taking her out and spoiling/indulging her with all his attention and money.
In America, girls take individual responsibility at an early age. I don't want a Pakistani girl that is constantly being supervised for everything in her life by her dad, who thinks "her job is just to look pretty" & be a good housewife. When I love a girl, & marry her, I'll go out of my way to do things for her, out of my very own happiness, not because she demands it from me.
Which brings us to the third bit about the so-called values: the only thing I get is that you want a girl who is a virgin and preferably has never been in any physical contact with any boy. And then once you marry her, you don't want her thinking about other men or having an affair. That’s it right?
Well, she should be a virgin yes. But I don't mind if she's dated other guys before, as long as they're in her past. I'm a very understanding guy, I'm willing to give girls the benefit of the doubt, marriage is companionship & friendship for me, a bond of love than one of necessity, or one of society pressures. But she should be understanding to me as well. I don't mind the girl having male friends, but I should know about them in general, & maybe I can be friends with those guys as well. Similarly, if I have any female friends, I would make sure that my wife knows about them, & maybe she can be friends with them as well. I would never be suspicious of my wife as long as we are honest to each other. She doesn't need to be bound to me after marriage, & that is the point I'm trying to make.
If you want chastity and then complete purity after marriage it isn’t happening.
I'm not looking for anything like that. She's allowed to 'live her life' the way she wants before she gets married, everyone should have the chance to do that.
An independent woman has the option of walking out of a spark-less marriage, and still having a life. That goes for a gori and desi mem
While the spark in the relationship is important, it is most important to have the bond of love & trust, of always being for the other person when we need each other. (Hypothetical situation) Even if I'm posted in a foreign country (& she can't be with me), & I can't be with my wife for a few weeks, I want her to be pre-occupied & busy with her life, & we can learn that it's important that we love & trust each other, & are always there for one another when the other person needs it.
If you want a girl who has values like complete commitment then skip the entire independence factor.
This is the part I disagree with you. As I said, if a marriage is based on love, trust, companionship, friendship; then there is commitment there too. It doesn't necessarily mean you can't be independent simultaneously either.
I am not apprehensive of the girl, there are plenty of wonderful, independent Pakistani girls out there. It is more the society & the mindset they have that really makes me uncomfortable. For example: once you're married, there is constant bickering & mumbling inside the family, peer pressure, comparisons on the basis of social status, gossip. I don't want to be dealing with that. Some of it is fine of course, but I don't want it to get overboard. That is the basic issue I have with arranged marriage.
good thing about eastern girl is you can mold/influence their personality while fo r 
