Joke

[Zarvan]

Their were 6 pathan brothers trying to pull a cow on their roof one man asked what are you guys trying to do they said we are taking cow on the roof so we can slaughter her the man said slaughter here on the ground why take on roof the said no brother the knife is on the roof

 

[A.Rafay]

Ek Aaadmi Ki Lady Police Wali Se Shadi Hui Agle Din Uske Dosto Ne Pucha

Dost: “Bata Bhai Kaisi Rahi Suhagrat?”

Aadmi: “Ghanta , Sali Ne Pahli Rat Ko 800 Rs Jurmana Thok Diya”

Dost Hairani Se: “Abe Kiss Cheez Ka?”
.
.
.
Aadmi: “100 Rs Over Speed, 300 Wrong Side Aur 400 Rs Bina Helmet Ke

 

[fatman17]

Too good not to share……

Punjabis have the lowest stress rate because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology.....


HERE IS WHAT THEY UNDERSTAND MEDICAL TERMS TO BE….


Medical Term....................Punjabi Definition

Artery..............................The study of paintings

Bacteria.............................Back door to cafeteria

Barium................................What doctors do when patients die

Benign.................................What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section..................A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan................................Searching for Kitty

Cauterize................................Made eye contact with her

Colic.......................................A sheep dog

Coma......................................A punctuation mark

Dilate.......................................To live long

Enema.......................................Not a friend

Fester.......................................Quicker than someone else

Fibula.........................................A small lie

Impotent......................................Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain......................................Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff...................................A Doctor's cane

Morbid.............................................A higher offer

Nitrates............................................Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days

Node................................................I knew it

Outpatient.........................................A person who has fainted

Pelvis................................................Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative....................................A letter carrier

Recovery Room...................................Place to do upholstery

Rectum...............................................Nearly killed him

Secretion............................................Hiding something

Seizure................................................Roman Emperor

Tablet..................................................A small table

Terminal Illness.......................................Getting sick at the airport

Tumor....................................................One plus one more

Urine........................................................Opposite of you're out




WHY WOULD ANYBODY WORRY ABOUT ANY OF THESE !!

 

[fatman17]

An Irish woman of 75 years visited her physician to ask his advice on
> reviving her husband's libido.
> "What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
> "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."
> "Not a problem," replied the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra."
> "What is Irish Viagra?," she asked.
>
> "It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't even taste
> it.
> Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."
>
> It was a week later when she called the doctor, who directly inquired
> as to her progress.
> The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was
> horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"
>
> "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.
>
> "Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the
> effect was almost immediate.
> He jumped straight up, with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye
> and a bulge in his pants!
> With one swoop of his arms, he sent the cups and saucers flying, he
> ripped off me clothes
> and took me then and there passionately on the tabletop! T'was a
> nightmare, I tell you,
> an absolute nightmare!"
>
> "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Do you mean the sex wasn't good?"
>
> "Freakin jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as
> I'm sittin' here,
> I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again

 

[jha]

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite positions.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours, and mount from behind, and you reach around and cup each one of her br****s in your hands, and then you whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's' and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds."

 

[jha]

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

 

[BeyondHeretic]

-How many horsepowers does a McLaren f1 gtr have?
-500

 

[darkinsky]

-How many horsepowers does a McLaren f1 gtr have?
-500

did i had to laugh?

can you explain the joke please?

 

[BeyondHeretic]

did i had to laugh?

can you explain the joke please?

please search google images for 500

 

[Ghora]

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby birthday to you!

 

[BeyondHeretic]

-How many megawatts of power does Israel produce in Negev desert ?
-500

 

[Maj. Kuldeep Singh]

Mulla Omar is not in pakistan.

 

[Iggy]

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
-------------------------------------------------
One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
-------------------------------------------------
When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
-------------------------------------------------

After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
-------------------------------------------------

The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
-------------------------------------------------

The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
-------------------------------------------------

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"

 

[BeyondHeretic]

-what is the trivia behind 500?
-300 Spartans + 200 plaetians

 

[surya kiran]