Marshmallow
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2012
- Messages
- 4,469
- Reaction score
- 5
- Country
- Location
Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
- Start date
Ayush
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2012
- Messages
- 7,805
- Reaction score
- -2
- Country
- Location
Marshmallow
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2012
- Messages
- 4,469
- Reaction score
- 5
- Country
- Location
Ayush
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2012
- Messages
- 7,805
- Reaction score
- -2
- Country
- Location
ok,ok i accept..marsha,dont know about the girl part,but whatever's been said about boy's part is completely true...
in fact i forgot my pencil box today in my room...
Marshmallow
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2012
- Messages
- 4,469
- Reaction score
- 5
- Country
- Location
ok,ok i accept..marsha,dont know about the girl part,but whatever's been said about boy's part is completely true...
in fact i forgot my pencil box today in my room...
i won
boys r always like dat
u boys cant meet our standards in anythinone last one
az u acceptd ur defeat!
Ayush
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2012
- Messages
- 7,805
- Reaction score
- -2
- Country
- Location
i won
boys r always like dat
one last one
haha,one of my friends,got a pizza today and was left with only one piece...
he was aon the verge of crying..and,we accept defeat not bcoz we are defeated but bcoz we are gentlemen..
Marshmallow
SENIOR MEMBER
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2012
- Messages
- 4,469
- Reaction score
- 5
- Country
- Location
haha,one of my friends,got a pizza today and was left with only one piece...
and,we accept defeat not bcoz we are defeated but bcoz we are gentlemen..
or there arent any othr option left then to agree
F86 Saber
FULL MEMBER
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2010
- Messages
- 1,087
- Reaction score
- 0
- Country
- Location
MAN RULES
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.
1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!
1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...
PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...
PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.
1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.
1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.
1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!
1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...
PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...
PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!
fatman17
PDF THINK TANK: CONSULTANT
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2007
- Messages
- 32,563
- Reaction score
- 98
- Country
- Location
Pakistani Scientists Discover Zardarium
(Prerequisite: A Basic understanding of the Glossary of Particle Physics would help)
BREAKING NEWS!
Pakistani researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science...
The new element, so far only discovered and found in Pakistan , has been named Zardarium (Symbol = Zm). It has one Presitron, 1 Priministron, 77 Ministrons, 98 deputy Ministrons, 298 National Assemblions, and 100 Senatrons, giving it an atomic mass of 575.
These 575 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Zardarium has no electrons, it is inert, impotent and ineffective. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Zardarium can cause a reaction, that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete, depending upon the kick-back percentage that Zardarium can get. It is neither radioactive nor active and is largely inert except for its psychopathic attraction for corrupt morons, Ministrons, Assemblions and Senatrons. In this respect, another two important inert iso-dopes, Nawazium (Symbol = Nm) and Shahbazium (Symbol = Sm) play a vital role as catalysts by their moronic ineptitude.
Zardarium has a normal half-life of 2 to 5 years. It does not decay, but instead, the whole country undergoes a re-organisational decay in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
The most important chemical quality of Zardarium is its magnetic properties for gold, Dollars, and corrupt morons.
In fact, Zardarium ‘s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become Ministrons and forming iso-dopes as a by-product. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Zardarium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Zardarium becomes Presidentium (symbol = Pz), an element that radiates just as much energy as Zardarium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.
(Prerequisite: A Basic understanding of the Glossary of Particle Physics would help)
BREAKING NEWS!
Pakistani researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science...
The new element, so far only discovered and found in Pakistan , has been named Zardarium (Symbol = Zm). It has one Presitron, 1 Priministron, 77 Ministrons, 98 deputy Ministrons, 298 National Assemblions, and 100 Senatrons, giving it an atomic mass of 575.
These 575 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Zardarium has no electrons, it is inert, impotent and ineffective. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Zardarium can cause a reaction, that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete, depending upon the kick-back percentage that Zardarium can get. It is neither radioactive nor active and is largely inert except for its psychopathic attraction for corrupt morons, Ministrons, Assemblions and Senatrons. In this respect, another two important inert iso-dopes, Nawazium (Symbol = Nm) and Shahbazium (Symbol = Sm) play a vital role as catalysts by their moronic ineptitude.
Zardarium has a normal half-life of 2 to 5 years. It does not decay, but instead, the whole country undergoes a re-organisational decay in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
The most important chemical quality of Zardarium is its magnetic properties for gold, Dollars, and corrupt morons.
In fact, Zardarium ‘s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become Ministrons and forming iso-dopes as a by-product. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Zardarium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Zardarium becomes Presidentium (symbol = Pz), an element that radiates just as much energy as Zardarium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.
fatman17
PDF THINK TANK: CONSULTANT
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2007
- Messages
- 32,563
- Reaction score
- 98
- Country
- Location
For those who haven't heard, Washington State just passed two new laws - gay marriage and legalized marijuana. The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."
A sardar was running with his pregnant wife, who was about to deliver, when another sardar asked him, "O pernam singh, oye moti nu ais haal vitch le ke kithey paj rya vain,"
Pernam singh replied, "assi Pizza hut chaley aan, sunya aa othey free delivery hondi hai."
A sardar was running with his pregnant wife, who was about to deliver, when another sardar asked him, "O pernam singh, oye moti nu ais haal vitch le ke kithey paj rya vain,"
Pernam singh replied, "assi Pizza hut chaley aan, sunya aa othey free delivery hondi hai."
HRK
PDF THINK TANK: CONSULTANT
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2010
- Messages
- 14,108
- Reaction score
- 122
- Country
- Location
A Sad love Story.........
Huma B.A ki student thi......wo apne friend Haider se roz baat karti thi.......Haider USA chala gaya...pechey Huma mar gayi.......
huma ni Wasiyat K mutabiq usKa mobile bhe uske saat Qabaar me rakh dya gaya.........Jab Haider wapis ayato Huma ki mout Ka suun kar Heran howa..........Q ke Huma rooz us phone per baat karti thi.....us ne ye baat molvi shaib ko baatai....
phir wo sub Qabruatan gaye.....Wha ja ker Haider ne huma ko Call ki.......tu Huma ne baat baat ki .......sab loog daar gaye....phir molvi saab ne kha ke.............Is se ye saabit howa hai k.....
Jaaz K signal har jaga ata hai.....Apno ko Apno se jore Q K Mobilink Jaaz apna hai........
(GHAUR SE PARNE KA SHUKRIA nASWARITAN KI FARIG AWAAM........)
Huma B.A ki student thi......wo apne friend Haider se roz baat karti thi.......Haider USA chala gaya...pechey Huma mar gayi.......
huma ni Wasiyat K mutabiq usKa mobile bhe uske saat Qabaar me rakh dya gaya.........Jab Haider wapis ayato Huma ki mout Ka suun kar Heran howa..........Q ke Huma rooz us phone per baat karti thi.....us ne ye baat molvi shaib ko baatai....
phir wo sub Qabruatan gaye.....Wha ja ker Haider ne huma ko Call ki.......tu Huma ne baat baat ki .......sab loog daar gaye....phir molvi saab ne kha ke.............Is se ye saabit howa hai k.....
Jaaz K signal har jaga ata hai.....Apno ko Apno se jore Q K Mobilink Jaaz apna hai........
(GHAUR SE PARNE KA SHUKRIA nASWARITAN KI FARIG AWAAM........)
fatman17
PDF THINK TANK: CONSULTANT
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2007
- Messages
- 32,563
- Reaction score
- 98
- Country
- Location
Our society is doomed..............
IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS
IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.' We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the traffic light is red and it’s safe to cross the street. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent. STAY ALERT!
They walk among us
IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller at my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said "May I have large bills, please"
She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....
IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS
IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.' We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
-- From Kansas City
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the traffic light is red and it’s safe to cross the street. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child's name? "Le-a"
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again. This child attends a school in Kansas City , Mo. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. It's pronounced "Ledasha". When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent. STAY ALERT!
They walk among us
Similar threads
