Update about my situation from my original post

[Yankee-stani]

https://defence.pk/pdf/threads/in-a-weird-sorta-awful-situation.617393/page-4#post-11476431

A couple weeks back I posted a thread about my personal issues currently going on in my life and I was glad to see some of the mature members here give a piece of their advice here on how to deal with my father, as you know since its Ramadan we should strive to get as much forgiveness from all our friends and family, and to use this month properly to our advantage.

As you know my dad and I have has some problems and after the "fight" we had it settle for a bit but yesterday we had another "fight" over small thing over errands I kindly said I wasnt in the mood in doing the errand(It was planting a new plant in the yard) then he got upset and then the cursing and arguement starts then wollah a fight then we had to bring a family friend over to end the fight so far the past 24 hrs me and my dad have been ignoring each other and again I missed my Roza(fast) as I woke up late but ended up doing Tarraweih in the Masjid as usual, the problem is my father and I dont see eye to eye on many things and for some reason the worst of our fights happen during Ramadan its been going on this trajectory for the past of couple years then we forget the fights and move on then fight again its the same bloody cycle I want this to end so does my father we both love each other but we dont seem to agree on anything I will go more in detail in a bit about the issues

 

[Yankee-stani]

*Mods @Dubious @waz if the thread looks like a clone of the first you could merge it @Pan-Islamic-Pakistan

 

[Asimzranger]

When my father past away i use to miss him very much in Happy times and even his scolding on small stuff.
My advice is try your uttermost to not get instigated you should remain calm ask him or mediator how you can solve this small issue like errand.
Slowly tell him your perspective i do see your father is going through some issues he is not talking about and resort to anger since i don`t know this might help but try to resolve your issue with best possible way because after he is gone you might regret not resolving yours relationship with your father.

 

[crankthatskunk]

https://defence.pk/pdf/threads/in-a-weird-sorta-awful-situation.617393/page-4#post-11476431

A couple weeks back I posted a thread about my personal issues currently going on in my life and I was glad to see some of the mature members here give a piece of their advice here on how to deal with my father, as you know since its Ramadan we should strive to get as much forgiveness from all our friends and family, and to use this month properly to our advantage.

As you know my dad and I have has some problems and after the "fight" we had it settle for a bit but yesterday we had another "fight" over small thing over errands I kindly said I wasnt in the mood in doing the errand(It was planting a new plant in the yard) then he got upset and then the cursing and arguement starts then wollah a fight then we had to bring a family friend over to end the fight so far the past 24 hrs me and my dad have been ignoring each other and again I missed my Roza(fast) as I woke up late but ended up doing Tarraweih in the Masjid as usual, the problem is my father and I dont see eye to eye on many things and for some reason the worst of our fights happen during Ramadan its been going on this trajectory for the past of couple years then we forget the fights and move on then fight again its the same bloody cycle I want this to end so does my father we both love each other but we dont seem to agree on anything I will go more in detail in a bit about the issues

I would say that both you and your father should learn patience.
Once you have patience, you will start to give each other time. Started to listen to each other with patience. Believe you me, all your problems would go away. Please try it.
In my family I don't talk much, but I listen. I didn't have arguments with any of my close family or my wife for years.

 

[Khafee]

https://defence.pk/pdf/threads/in-a-weird-sorta-awful-situation.617393/page-4#post-11476431

A couple weeks back I posted a thread about my personal issues currently going on in my life and I was glad to see some of the mature members here give a piece of their advice here on how to deal with my father, as you know since its Ramadan we should strive to get as much forgiveness from all our friends and family, and to use this month properly to our advantage.

As you know my dad and I have has some problems and after the "fight" we had it settle for a bit but yesterday we had another "fight" over small thing over errands I kindly said I wasnt in the mood in doing the errand(It was planting a new plant in the yard) then he got upset and then the cursing and arguement starts then wollah a fight then we had to bring a family friend over to end the fight so far the past 24 hrs me and my dad have been ignoring each other and again I missed my Roza(fast) as I woke up late but ended up doing Tarraweih in the Masjid as usual, the problem is my father and I dont see eye to eye on many things and for some reason the worst of our fights happen during Ramadan its been going on this trajectory for the past of couple years then we forget the fights and move on then fight again its the same bloody cycle I want this to end so does my father we both love each other but we dont seem to agree on anything I will go more in detail in a bit about the issues

You need to understand something, HE is not going to change, neither is he going to be there forever. YOU need to be the bigger man, and bite your ego.

 

[Well.wisher]

Yeah asim is right your father must be going through some issues . Try to know him better , sit together and discuss and listen to his side of story what he finds missing in your behaviour toward him .
Listen , to save the relations one of each has to must keep himself down and compromise . Its never a competition , If you will stand out for the competition then forget the relation you are going to ruin it .
And parents are the people from whom you should never feel shy to take yourself down infront of them .
Next time he argues, just dont say anything go to him and kiss him his hands , be polite dont shout back cuz you will be worsening it then . Fathers like it when you speak in lowly tune with them .
Try to know your father well , you will sort it out : )

 

[Yankee-stani]

You need to understand something, HE is not going to change, neither is he going to be there forever. YOU need to be the bigger man, and bite your ego.

I never wanted to him change I know I cant change him he is 73 years old, I kinda agree I do have anxiety, and ego problems at times question is I wanna have my father on my good side while balancing my goals I want to do

 

[BHarwana]

https://defence.pk/pdf/threads/in-a-weird-sorta-awful-situation.617393/page-4#post-11476431

A couple weeks back I posted a thread about my personal issues currently going on in my life and I was glad to see some of the mature members here give a piece of their advice here on how to deal with my father, as you know since its Ramadan we should strive to get as much forgiveness from all our friends and family, and to use this month properly to our advantage.

As you know my dad and I have has some problems and after the "fight" we had it settle for a bit but yesterday we had another "fight" over small thing over errands I kindly said I wasnt in the mood in doing the errand(It was planting a new plant in the yard) then he got upset and then the cursing and arguement starts then wollah a fight then we had to bring a family friend over to end the fight so far the past 24 hrs me and my dad have been ignoring each other and again I missed my Roza(fast) as I woke up late but ended up doing Tarraweih in the Masjid as usual, the problem is my father and I dont see eye to eye on many things and for some reason the worst of our fights happen during Ramadan its been going on this trajectory for the past of couple years then we forget the fights and move on then fight again its the same bloody cycle I want this to end so does my father we both love each other but we dont seem to agree on anything I will go more in detail in a bit about the issues

My father died when I was young trust me in my view you are a fool. I needed him every day of my life for past 20 years as I struggled through this world. If some how he is returned to me today I will kill all my ego and self stance for him.

 

[H!TchHiker]

https://defence.pk/pdf/threads/in-a-weird-sorta-awful-situation.617393/page-4#post-11476431

A couple weeks back I posted a thread about my personal issues currently going on in my life and I was glad to see some of the mature members here give a piece of their advice here on how to deal with my father, as you know since its Ramadan we should strive to get as much forgiveness from all our friends and family, and to use this month properly to our advantage.

As you know my dad and I have has some problems and after the "fight" we had it settle for a bit but yesterday we had another "fight" over small thing over errands I kindly said I wasnt in the mood in doing the errand(It was planting a new plant in the yard) then he got upset and then the cursing and arguement starts then wollah a fight then we had to bring a family friend over to end the fight so far the past 24 hrs me and my dad have been ignoring each other and again I missed my Roza(fast) as I woke up late but ended up doing Tarraweih in the Masjid as usual, the problem is my father and I dont see eye to eye on many things and for some reason the worst of our fights happen during Ramadan its been going on this trajectory for the past of couple years then we forget the fights and move on then fight again its the same bloody cycle I want this to end so does my father we both love each other but we dont seem to agree on anything I will go more in detail in a bit about the issues

Sorry to be harsh..But whatever circumstances are there is no logic in fighting or even having hard arguments with a father..He might want to spend time with you and this activities might just be a way out..I mean planting a new tree just to make him happy is not much a problem..He is old and can't change ..You have to adjust your tone and behavior...

 

[Yankee-stani]

My father died when I was young trust me in my view you are a fool. I needed him every day of my life for past 20 years as I struggled through this world. If some who he is returned to me today I will kill all my ego and self stance for him.

I understand where you are coming from you are kinda correct in your response

Sorry to be harsh..But whatever circumstances are there is no logic in fighting or even having hard arguments with a father..He might want to spend time with you and this activities might just be a way out..I mean planting a new tree just to make him happy is not much a problem..He is old and can't change ..You have to adjust your tone and behavior...

Well thats one example I gave but I have multiple other types of stories and examples as well

 

[Shane]

My father died when I was young trust me in my view you are a fool. I needed him every day of my life for past 20 years as I struggled through this world. If some who he is returned to me today I will kill all my ego and self stance for him.

Story of my life too. The biggest crater in my life was loosing my father at 12. It is indeed one's ego which gets in the way of mending relationships. Whoever learns that quickly enough gets to live a happier life.

 

[Khafee]

My father died when I was young trust me in my view you are a fool. I needed him every day of my life for past 20 years as I struggled through this world. If some who he is returned to me today I will kill all my ego and self stance for him.

I always wanted to smack some sense into you, now I can't.

 

[Yankee-stani]

Story of my life too. The biggest crater in my life was loosing my father at 12. It is indeed one's ego which gets in the way of mending relationships. Whoever learns that quickly enough gets to live a happier life.

I think we both have egos my father is still kinda upset at mom for causing him pain and aniguish for almost 18 years they were together in fact I kept a promise by my father that I wont let my mom ever come close to me in my lifetime as she caused too much problems for us plus he seems to dump all his problems on me for some reason and thinks I am doing nothing in life while I am trying to firgure something to do in life

 

[Khafee]

I understand where you are coming from you are kinda correct in your response



Well thats one example I gave but I have multiple other types of stories and examples as well

What I want to hear from you at the end of this holy month is this:

"No matter what my father does, I smile, and get along with him."

In Arabic there is a saying we use "Tawl umrak" "May you have a long life". Each time you think you are going to loose it, smile, kiss him, and say Tawl umrak InShaAllah.

 

[BHarwana]

I always wanted to smack some sense into you, now I can't.

Lol.