Update about my situation from my original post

[Numerous]

You know why I have some issues bonding with him I give example when we work together on something like planting he seems to want to argue and curse at me for no reason I have hard time understanding some things and I take it slow he wants things in a rush then he gets upset

I see, that can be quite hard to tolerate. But I would still say you should maintain your silence and patience.

It won't be easy but after keeping patience and not answering back - eventually you will get used to him and then it won't be hard to ignore any arguing or cursing. I have experienced something similar in my life, not from family or friends, but eventually I did build up patience and I didn't care anymore. You will build up patience too insha'Allah.

 

[Yankee-stani]

I see, that can be quite hard to tolerate. But I would still say you should maintain your silence and patience.

It won't be easy but after keeping patience and not answering back - eventually you will get used to him and then it won't be hard to ignore any arguing or cursing. I have experienced something similar in my life, not from family or friends, but eventually I did build up patience and I didn't care anymore. You will build up patience too insha'Allah.

I think I would just do that I will wait a few days try to talk to him but I dont want him to clone me into what image he wants me to be but I will just be silent and quiet

 

[Numerous]

I think I would just do that I will wait a few days try to talk to him but I dont want him to clone me into what image he wants me to be but I will just be silent and quiet

Believe me, you won't be cloned.

You'll still have your personality and life.

 

[Yankee-stani]

Believe me, you won't be cloned.

You'll still have your personality and life.

This is the problem with many Pakistani parents they want force wash their kids with views some of them are not even Islamic just cocked up cultural mish mosh this eventually turns the kids away from Pakistani culture and eventually Islam thankfully I am not like that

 

[Foxtrot Delta]

https://defence.pk/pdf/threads/in-a-weird-sorta-awful-situation.617393/page-4#post-11476431

A couple weeks back I posted a thread about my personal issues currently going on in my life and I was glad to see some of the mature members here give a piece of their advice here on how to deal with my father, as you know since its Ramadan we should strive to get as much forgiveness from all our friends and family, and to use this month properly to our advantage.

As you know my dad and I have has some problems and after the "fight" we had it settle for a bit but yesterday we had another "fight" over small thing over errands I kindly said I wasnt in the mood in doing the errand(It was planting a new plant in the yard) then he got upset and then the cursing and arguement starts then wollah a fight then we had to bring a family friend over to end the fight so far the past 24 hrs me and my dad have been ignoring each other and again I missed my Roza(fast) as I woke up late but ended up doing Tarraweih in the Masjid as usual, the problem is my father and I dont see eye to eye on many things and for some reason the worst of our fights happen during Ramadan its been going on this trajectory for the past of couple years then we forget the fights and move on then fight again its the same bloody cycle I want this to end so does my father we both love each other but we dont seem to agree on anything I will go more in detail in a bit about the issues

Move out for a few months

 

[Pakhtoon yum]

You need to understand something, HE is not going to change, neither is he going to be there forever. YOU need to be the bigger man, and bite your ego.

That's easy said then done, isn't it?

I recomend both of you going to see a counselor. Professional help is way better than asking random people online

Move out for a few months

Wont work, the affects of that only lasts for the first week your back home. Then same old

 

[Yankee-stani]

ex- My father wants me to get married

me-Meh not sure I want to however I dont do date, clubbing or any of that crap I just don think I am mature its worse when you have his uncle friends try to push as well

That's easy said then done, isn't it?

I recomend both of you going to see a counselor. Professional help is way better than asking random people online


Wont work, the affects of that only lasts for the first week your back home. Then same old

I was thinking of doing that but both of us dont like doing that stuff

 

[Zee-shaun]

@OsmanAli98 you are a very courageous person and you are not afraid to be vulnerable. Your heart is in good place and you love your father.
So please don't ever think that you will be cloned into something you are not.
You want your father to be happy and proud so the adjustments you make are for him. Unlike him, you have much more time to readjust later and do whatever you want with your life. Atleast you won't have to regret for not trying when you get old and nore experienced in life.

 

[Pakhtoon yum]

ex- My father wants me to get married

me-Meh not sure I want to however I dont do date, clubbing or any of that crap I just don think I am mature its worse when you have his uncle friends try to push as well



I was thinking of doing that but both of us dont like doing that stuff

If they try to bring Islam into it then tell them to stop. Islam gives you freedom of when you want to marry, it only sets a minimum for age not a maximum.

The rest is just cultural BS, I also recommend getting yourself educated on the religious aspects of these kinda issues so that you are aware of your religious rights in Islam.

 

[Yankee-stani]

@OsmanAli98 you are a very courageous person and you are not afraid to be vulnerable. Your heart is in good place and you love your father.
So please don't ever think that you will be cloned into something you are not.
You want your father to be happy and proud so the adjustments you make are for him. Unlike him, you have much more time to readjust later and do whatever you want with your life. Atleast you won't have to regret for not trying when you get old and nore experienced in life.

I will see what I can do I need to make adjustments so I can continue this relationship with my father

If they try to bring Islam into it then tell them to stop. Islam gives you freedom of when you want to marry, it only sets a minimum for age not a maximum.

The rest is just cultural BS, I also recommend getting yourself educated on the religious aspects of these kinda issues so that you are aware of your religious rights in Islam.

I dont know which type of person I want to marry all I care is they are Muslim and are not a degenrate thot but the problem is my father keeps on making that he will only be happy if I do that

 

[Zee-shaun]

I will see what I can do I need to make adjustments so I can continue this relationship with my father

That's the spirit. Just ask him what would make him happy except for marrying maybe.

Not much experience in that area but to be honest, rushing into marriage to please him doesn't seem right. You will have to reason and convince him that you are not ready yet.

 

[Pakhtoon yum]

I will see what I can do I need to make adjustments so I can continue this relationship with my father



I dont know which type of person I want to marry all I care is they are Muslim and are not a degenrate thot but the problem is my father keeps on making that he will only be happy if I do that

Your father wants you to marry a degenerate thot or did I read that wrong....

 

[Trango Towers]

Yeah asim is right your father must be going through some issues . Try to know him better , sit together and discuss and listen to his side of story what he finds missing in your behaviour toward him .
Listen , to save the relations one of each has to must keep himself down and compromise . Its never a competition , If you will stand out for the competition then forget the relation you are going to ruin it .
And parents are the people from whom you should never feel shy to take yourself down infront of them .
Next time he argues, just dont say anything go to him and kiss him his hands , be polite dont shout back cuz you will be worsening it then . Fathers like it when you speak in lowly tune with them .
Try to know your father well , you will sort it out : )

Father may like that from daughters but Pakistani fathers generally like to be like marshal law administrators. This is a very sad. They should be like friends.
I remember my father would ask me to say clean his shoes. If he asked me I would do a great job. If he ordered me I would have to do it but he knew it wasnt a good job. Both parties have to learn. Trouble is our culture is stubborn.
You must nit answer your father. Mustn't say oof.
Now what's the rights of the child...no father will ever tell u this. Wonder why.

Balance from both sides

If it is too much bro. Move out. Distance makes the heart grow closer.

 

[Mamadouso]

You must not respond to his anger, I know that sounds very patronising but it is the essential ingredient to a better relationship. My father sounds similar to yours but it improved greatly Masha’Allah when I learned to exercise more restraint and calmness in any confrontation.

Just try and laugh with him during the argument, learn to just laugh or smile during it and just say ‘never mind’. An argument is not a competition to win - just defuse it and move on

 

[Yankee-stani]

Your father wants you to marry a degenerate thot or did I read that wrong....

Lol you read it wrong I mean there is tendacy in the Pakistani diaspora that arranged marriage is the way to go but boyyy they are wrong too many gold diggers I meant I just dont want that