Update about my situation from my original post

[Zee-shaun]

Sorry to hear that. Is moving out an option? Maybe you both need some space.

 

[Khafee]

Sorry to hear that. Is moving out an option? Maybe you both need some space.

No, abandoning your 73yr old father, is not an option.

 

[Yankee-stani]

No, abandoning your 73yr old father, is not an option.

I dont want to happen hence why I am asking for some guidance from some mature members here my father says he wants to move back to Pakistan constant whenever our relations are down

 

[Zee-shaun]

No, abandoning your 73yr old father, is not an option.

With all respect Sir, moving out doesn't equal abandonning. The father needs to realise that he can not control his sons life forever. He needs assurance that his son will be fine and happy so he must give him a chance to prove it.

 

[BHarwana]

Story of my life too. The biggest crater in my life was loosing my father at 12. It is indeed one's ego which gets in the way of mending relationships. Whoever learns that quickly enough gets to live a happier life.

Ego is your biggest enemy. One should learn to compromise. The dominant person is a one who carries everyone with him.

 

[Khafee]

I dont want to happen hence why I am asking for some guidance from some mature members here my father says he wants to move back to Pakistan constant whenever our relations are down

Put yourself in his shoes, at his age, without you, what does he have?

It's not about the clean streets, the weather, the nice house, IT's about the people. You are the apple of his eyes, don't you understand that? Without you what does he have there? Nothing.

Always work on DE-escalating issues, remind your self HE does not have much time left. His prayers will last you till eternity. Change the way YOU react.

This incompatibility, is more about YOU, than him.

With all respect Sir, moving out doesn't equal abandonning. The father needs to realise that he can not control his sons life forever. He needs assurance that his son will be fine and happy so he must give him a chance to prove it.

If you had a 4yr old who was fiercely independent, would you let him live on his own?

Parents, when they grow old, are just like little children, YOU have to bite your ego, have a lot of patience, and think 4 steps ahead, AND time is not on your side.

 

[Yankee-stani]

Put yourself in his shoes, at his age, without you, what does he have?

It's not about the clean streets, the weather, the nice house, IT's about the people. You are the apple of his eyes, don't you understand that? Without you what does he have there? Nothing.

Always work on DE-escalating issues, remind your self HE does not have much time left. His prayers will last you till eternity. Change the way YOU react.

This incompatibility, is more about YOU, than him.

Of course he can move back I think he would prefer Pakistan over here I understand where he is coming from but how can make him feel happy at same time but without acting like a clone as well this is the dilemma I have

 

[Indos]

My relationship with my father gets warmer and wonderful after I become more religious. I still remember I become more patience starting from my final year in university particularly after I read Al Ghazali book (Ihya Ulumuddin) and start learning Sufism. Once I get more patience with him and more care, he seems to respond back and show more love to me. He ends up telling his secret before he passes away about why he chooses my mom as his wife despite having other choice.

 

[Proudpakistaniguy]

My father was very calm person but my mother had vey controlling and aggressive personality . She used to beat us even during our teenage and I used to stop eating to express my anger and frustration but I have seen her literally crying all night and feeling ashamed .. she used to tell us that she could not sleep all night because of this guilt of slapping us . I realized later on that she was the patient of high blood pressure and my counter arguments and replying back made situation worse so all I did was to remain silent to defuse tense situation and it did work back then. Now she is completely changed person and even had medical treatment

 

[Zee-shaun]

If he decides to move to Pakistan, would you company him?
Is that what he wants?

 

[Numerous]

I think you should not answer back to him in any form and simply do these little errands that he requires. It's not easy but it'll save you both from conflict. We've all had to do things for our parents which we didn't want to or somethings had to bite our lips even if we were right.

Think about it. Planting something in the back yard takes 10-30 minutes but you did not plant and instead it led to an argument for ages. Doing little errands will keep you busy too and keep your mind off things, for example planting things in the garden can be therapeutic.

Other users are right, your father probably won't change, he is quite old and set in his ways. Although there are probably other things bothering him so I am not saying he is acting this way on purpose.

Your father is quite old too, he has raised you for 21 years, you should not argue with him in elderly years.

 

[Yankee-stani]

If he decides to move to Pakistan, would you company him?
Is that what he wants?

Well he keeps saying that I would not mind but the problem is I dont really have much of career much here I think I would be more lazy there tbh that wont be good

 

[Arsalan 345]

He is your father,not your enemy.you should walk away if he tries to fight with you again.use patience as your tool.let him say whatever he wants.you should do the right things in your life.

 

[Yankee-stani]

I think you should not answer back to him in any form and simply do these little errands that he requires. It's not easy but it'll save you both from conflict. We've all had to do things for our parents which we didn't want to or somethings had to bite our lips even if we were right.

Think about it. Planting something in the back yard takes 10-30 minutes but you did not plant and instead it led to an argument for ages. Doing little errands will keep you busy too and keep your mind off things, for example planting things in the garden can be therapeutic.

Other users are right, your father probably won't change, he is quite old and set in his ways. Although there are probably other things bothering him so I am not saying he is acting this way on purpose.

Your father is quite old too, he has raised you for 21 years, you should not argue with him in elderly years.

You know why I have some issues bonding with him I give example when we work together on something like planting he seems to want to argue and curse at me for no reason I have hard time understanding some things and I take it slow he wants things in a rush then he gets upset

He is your father,not your enemy.you should walk away if he tries to fight with you again.use patience as your tool.let him say whatever he wants.you should do the right things in your life.

I try to do my best in being patient at times

 

[Zee-shaun]

Total surrender seems the only option left. Try to do whatever he asks and donot reply. See if that helps?
On spiritual level there is not much you can do, you are already on the right path doing your roza namaz and parhez so you have to look into ways to obey him better. I'm sure Allah is watching and he will reward you when He's done testing you.