Overdosed on the IPL?
Three weeks into the tournament and more than a few of us are feeling the effects of IPL fatigue. Are you one of the unfortunates thus afflicted? Our handy checklist will let you find out soon enough.
You know you've got to take a break from the IPL if...
1. You've had at least one heated discussion on whether the plural of Mongoose is Mongeese.
2. You've uttered the words "Come back Ramiz Raja, all is forgiven."
3. You know more than a person who isn't in the pest-control business should about moth invasions.
4. You drank half a bottle of vinegar out of the fridge when you tried to fit both a quick toilet break and a quick drink into the space of a time-out.
5. You are Danny Morrison.
6. Your doctor says he'll have to operate for a ruptured eardrum and asks you to send the bill to Ravi Shastri.
7. Your doctor says you aren't to watch any of those Mumbai-Kolkata games anymore or you're going to get epilepsy from all the blinding reflected light.
8. You've dusted off a Lionel Richie CD and played it when everyone else in the house was away.
9. You are L Sivaramakrishnan.
10. You've replaced your morning jog with a five-minute version of Preity Zinta's patented jump-up-and-down-in-excitement routine.
11. You have sandbags in your living room, for all those tracer bullets.
12. You're in the running for a UNEP award for saving water, after being inspired by the environment tips at the toss.
13. You speak fluent zoozoo.
14. The fantasy of the MRF blimp being cut adrift to float away, with Sivamani tied to it, has lost its charm.
15. You are Pommie Mbangwa.
16. The sight of Sreesanth doesn't make your hackles rise.
17. You watch reality TV after the games, to soothe your jangling nerves, because it makes for a pleasant change from all the screaming and shouting on the commentary.
18. You pine for the days when they used to fill dead air on the telecasts with shots of the trophy in all its grotesque majesty.
19. You've heard all the jokes about Mandira being the smartest Bedi on the presentation team.
20. You paid to go to one of the KKR after parties, and to prove it you have the number of Shah Rukh Khan's personal assistant's personal trainer, who you met there.
21. You know the name of the Sony anchor fellow in the shiny three-piece suit.
22. Ramesh Powar's weight doesn't have comedy value anymore. (Worse, Yuvraj Singh's weight doesn't have comedy value anymore.)
23. Hearing the words "Danny Morrison is in the box with L Sivaramakrishnan" does not make your skin crawl, your hair fall out and your bones spontaneously shatter.
24. You have a glass eye now, after you involuntarily stabbed yourself in the face with a pencil when you saw your first-ever mid-over ad.
25. You wonder why they aren't using that nice Mr Sidhu to do actual commentary rather than just the pre-game shows.
