Joke

[Bukhari.syed]

“People say ‘I'm taking it one day at a time.’ You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works.”

 

[monitor]

A little boy come running to his mother and tells mom driver hablu is smooching the maid !!!!

hearing this she bark habluuuuuuuuuuuuuuu howww dare you do this with the maid ????????????

the boy start clapping and told mommy April fool it was daddy

 

[monitor]

স্ত্রী জন্য পরীক্ষা
ডন ঘরে ঢুকতেই দেখলো তার স্ত্রী জিমির সাথে শুয়ে আছে | সে জিমিকে বললো, বাস্টার্ড সাহস থাকে তো আয় দুটো পিস্তল নিয়ে ডুয়েল লড়ি | যে জিতবে লিন্ডা তার হবে | বলে জিমিকে নিয়ে পাশের ঘরে চলে গেল | পাশের ঘরে ডুয়েল যাবার সময় জিমি বললো, ডন কেন মিছিমিছি আমাদের মাঝে একজন মরবো, তারচেয়ে বরং দুজনেই মরার ভান করে শুয়ে থাকি, লিন্ডা যাকে নিয়ে কাদঁবে, লিন্ডা তার হবে | বলে দুজনে মটকা মেরে শুয়ে পরল এবং দুটি গুলির আওয়াজ করল | ডনের স্ত্রী ঘরে ঢুকে দেখল দুজনেই মরে পড়ে আছে | সে তখন খাটের তলা থেকে তার আরেক প্রেমিক মাইকেলকে ডেকে বললো মাইকেল চলো এসো, এরা দুজনেই মরেছে, আর কোনো বাঁধা নেই |

 

[Shardul.....the lion]

Ek baccha video/computer game khelta ratha hai.

To baap usko puchta hai " beta, raju ko, chotu ko, jaanta hai"

beta bholta hai "nahi"

to baap bholta hai "kabhi ghar se bahar bhi to nikla karo"

Phir beta bholta hai " papa aap ramesh ko, suresh ko jaante ho"

baap bholta hai " nahi"

To beta has ke bholta hai "kabhi ghar mein bhi raha karo"

 

[monitor]

Ronny: Janis to ekta Bangladeshi meye amake aaj thappor merechhe.

Bachchu : Keno ?

Ronny : Janina yaar. Ami shudhu bolechhilam, apnader Dhaka jaaygata khub sundar ! ;-)

 

[monitor]

প্রশ্নঃ পাত্রী দুইখান, ১ম জন পরমা সুন্দরী, যৌবনবতী কিন্ত পুরা চরিত্রহীনা আর পরের জন মহা সতী-সাধ্বী, চরিত্রবতী কিন্ত চেহারা কুৎসিত- কারে বিয়া করবেন?
উত্তরঃ সারাজীবন একা একা বিষ্ঠা খাওয়ার চাইতে- সবাই মিলে মিষ্টি খাওয়া ভালো।

 

[Sugarcane]

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

"Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman"

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his *~$##!!% widow."

 

[Sugarcane]

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."

 

[Sugarcane]

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent, when her mobile phone rang.
It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realised she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques...
She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital.
She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.
Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital.
She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself!
While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!"
The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.
The lady doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg.
He's dead. Show me what you bought."

 

[Sugarcane]

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like X and Y and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

 

[Sugarcane]

University aspirants were asked to fill in the blanks:

"If a girl faints, we must first feel her pu_s_".

Those who wrote 'Pulse' became doctors . . . .

Those who answered 'Purse' became investment bankers and professional thieves

The rest were considered normal, and good enough to go straight into adult life ...

 

[asad71]

During the British Raj days it was felt that bonding with the locals would be better if English officers could speak in Punjabi. Accordingly, a Punjabi tutor was arranged.
After a month the tutor felt he had taught the British Major good Punjabi. The Major’s commanding officer, the British Colonel decided to personally test the Major. So, he threw some ink on the table and asked the Major to describe in Punjabi what happened. Major: "Aithay ink kinnay giraayi hai?" The tutor looked happy but the Colonel was disappointed and asked them to further improve the Punjabi. Another month passed and it was time for another test. The Colonel again threw ink on the table and asked the same question. Major: "Aitthay siyahi kinnay doli hai?" The tutor was thrilled but the Colonel was still not satisfied. So the tutor asked what the Colonel was expecting.
The Colonel said he would demonstrate and called a Havaldar to come into the office. The Havaldar walked in, saw the mess and immediately screamed: "Oye gandoowo! Eh kinnay maize di boond vich ungal kitti eh?"
The old Colonel stood up, applauded and announced: "Now, that, gentlemen is Punjabi.”

 

[W.11]

University aspirants were asked to fill in the blanks:

"If a girl faints, we must first feel her pu_s_".

Those who wrote 'Pulse' became doctors . . . .

Those who answered 'Purse' became investment bankers and professional thieves

The rest were considered normal, and good enough to go straight into adult life ...

i first became normal adult and then doctor

what about engineers

 

[Safriz]

Zahari returns to Pakistan to face accusations of treason - Asia - World - The Independent

 

[Al Bhatti]

Egyptians are known for their sense of humour.

During the first free elections in Egypt:

A voter standing in the sun waiting for his turn to vote said: May Allah have mercy on you Mubarak, how good was your time when our vote used to get counted with us sitting in the comfort of our home.

Another voter said: my late grandfather is extremely unhappy as this is the first time in decades after he passed away that his vote is not counted as he is not an "eligible" voter any more.