Joke

[Sugarcane]

Recipe - Boiled Water


Boiling water is essential to many recipes. If you have never cooked before, don't worry. It is not as difficult as it may appear. This recipe will guide you through the process, even if you have never set foot in a kitchen.

Special equipment: 12-quart stockpot
Ingredients: Serves 48, cooking time 5 minutes, total time varies, Water

Procedures:
Open your cupboard or wherever it is you store your cookware. Locate a 12-quart stockpot. If you do not have a 12-quart stockpot, you may use whatever size pot you have; in that event, keep in mind that serving size here is 1 cup and there are 4 cups in a quart. Do the math.

Place your pot in the sink under the tap. If you have never used a sink before, it is the large depression in your counter top. (If you live with someone else, they may have filled it with dirty dishes; in this case, wash them or simply remove them from the sink and place them in the oven — someone else will eventually discover them there and wash them.)

Turn the cold-water knob to the "on" position. Some people (like my dad) prefer to let the water run a little bit. This is optional but encouraged — if it's a hot day or someone has previously used the "hot" water knob, the warmer water will eventually be replaced by truly cold water.

Fill stockpot to within a couple inches of the rim. Lift stockpot from sink and transfer to stove. (Although appearances may vary, the stove is the thing with 4 or more circular metal bands on top of it; alternately, it may be a completely flat black glass surface. If you are unsure, ask your family, roommate, or neighbor for guidance.)

Find knob on stove that corresponds to the "burner" you have placed your pot on. In addition to words like "Right Front" or "Left Rear," there are usually little pictures near the knobs to indicate position. Turn knob to "High" and wait until water boils. Depending on strength of your stove and amount of water, the boiling time may vary.

Note: DO NOT WATCH THE POT; it will never boil in the event that you do.

Boiled water may be used for any number of applications. Serve hot but do not drink.

Alternate methods
Depending on water application, you may want to salt the water. Do this after the water has come to a boil. Placing a lid on the pot will help it boil faster, with the additional benefit of blocking water from your line of sight, which, as stated above, inhibits the boiling process.

 

[BlackenTheSky]

Daughter : dad i'm a lesbian
Dad:ohh okayy.....
2nd daughter: i'm a lesbian
Dad: WTF!!!!does any one in this family like MEN
Son: me...

 

[rockstarIN]

 

[pankajzone]

Nice post.

 

[Sugarcane]

It all began with an iPhone...

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?

I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.

Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.

My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.

It was around then that the fight started...

What my wife failed to recognize is that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean.

This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.

I should be out of the hospital next week!!


PS: iHurt!!!

 

[Sugarcane]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

 

[Charlie1]

Tattoos for the Holidays


A most distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo parlor, and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated woman in his seedy tattoo shop, goes over to the woman immediately and asks if he can help her. To his shock, and utter delight, she lifts her designer dress, and points to her left inner thigh—very high up. “Right here,” she says, “I want you to tattoo a turkey with the word ‘Thanksgiving’ under it.”
Then she points to her right inner thigh—just as high up—and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo a Christmas tree, with lights and tinsel, and an angel on top. And underneath the tree I want the word ‘Christmas.’”
The tattoo artist looks at her, puzzled. He says, “Lady, it’s none of my business, but that is the most unusual request I have ever had. Why in the world would you want that?” “Well,” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's never anything good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”

Porno- Alert
Porno- Alert
Porno- Alert

 

[Charlie1]

I was sent this today:

How the nuclear crisis in India and Pakistan will play out!!

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 5 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.


This was their scenario.................

But if there is a nuclear war between India and Pakistan.


The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India.

They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced.

In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak Countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency House session. The House meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned and adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a relaunch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it.

The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile.

But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government can not take such a decision because elections are at hand.

A Public Interest Litigation is filed in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power by the Election Commission.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Ju st then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building at 11.00 AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early.


In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA.

The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear m issile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting.

This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organised.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan.

Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service.

Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits its original destination: Russia .

Russia successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad.

The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile.

Pakistan never gets it right.

And we live happily ever after!!!!

thanks for wasting 1min 21 sec of my life fool

 

[Sugarcane]

Barry Mailey walks into a drugstore and asks for a package of condoms.
"I'm afraid I can only sell them to you if you're married." The druggist says.
"Well, I am, "replies Barry.
"You'll have to prove it," says the druggist.
So Barry rushes back home, gets his marriage certificate, shows it to the druggist and finally gets his condoms.

A few days later, Barry goes back to the same druggist to get some flea powder for his dog.
"Got a dog license?" the druggist asks.
Barry reluctantly trudges home in a rage and gets the dog licence and is finally handed his flea powder.

The next day he's back in the shop and hands the druggist a screw- top-jar.
"Here, smell this," Barry tells the druggist.
The druggist unscrews the lid and takes a whiff."That smells like ****!" cries the druggist, wrinkling his nose.
"Correct," says Barry .

"Now GET ME two rolls of toilet paper please."

 

[Holmes]

Nice Thread btw. keep posting more!!!!

 

[Pukhtoon]

Girlfriend setting password for her laptop
with boyfriend sitting beside her…
She types “BRAIN” as password.

Boyfriend fell down of his chair , laughing
Bcoz
Laptop replied:
“TOO SMALL”

 

[A.Muqeet khan]

Porno- Alert
Porno- Alert
Porno- Alert

KID IF U AINT SMART BE SMART AND GET OUT OF ADULTS AREA

 

[monitor]

In 70 boys wanted radio as dowry with wife

In 80's wanted cycle

90's wanted motor cycle

in 2000's they wanted car

And today the with if they can get a wife without Boy friend

 

[husn25]

A boy was masturbating in school bathroom.
Suddenly the young lady teacher came and opened the door...

Boy: Ma'am,
Bohat Lambi umar hai aap ki....

 

[Sugarcane]

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.
Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the pick-up. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My wife, Mabel, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.

Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the pick-up, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “Honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the pick-up, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Mabel's voice. “J.B.” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”