Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
- Start date
fatman17
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The Times --- is read by the people who run the country.
> The Daily Mirror --- is read by the people who think they run the country.
> The Guardian --- is read by the people who think they ought to run the country.
> The Morning Star --- is read by the people who think the country ought
> to be run by another country.
> The Independent --- is read by people who don't know who runs the
> country but are sure they're doing it wrong.
> The Daily Mail --- is read by the wives of the people who run the country.
> The Financial Times --- is read by the people who own the country.
> The Daily Express --- is read by the people who think the country
> ought to be run as it used to be run.
> The Daily Telegraph --- is read by the people who still think it is
> their country.
> And,
> The Sun's readers --- don't care who runs the country providing she
> has big t**s.
dont think so matey!
HOW THE CHINESE STAY PUT IN ITALY
About a century or two ago,the Pope decided that all the Chinese had toleave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would have to leave.
The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked an old man named Ah Pek to represent them.
As Ah Pek was not conversant in Italian language, he asked for one condition to be addedto the debate.
'To be fair', he said, 'neither side would be allowed to talk'.
The Pope agreed.
On the day of the big debate, Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine.
Ah Pek pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said: 'I give up. This man is too good in religious knowledge. The Chinese can stay.'
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.
Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and loaf to show thatGod absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin.
He had an answerfor everything. What could I do??'
Meanwhile, the Chinese community also crowded around Ah Pek and asked him what's happened in the debate.
'Well', said Ah Pek. 'First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I raised my third finger and asked him to f*@k off, and that none of us was leaving.
Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here.'
'Yes, and then???' asked the crowd.
'I don't know', said Ah Pek, 'He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.'
> The Daily Mirror --- is read by the people who think they run the country.
> The Guardian --- is read by the people who think they ought to run the country.
> The Morning Star --- is read by the people who think the country ought
> to be run by another country.
> The Independent --- is read by people who don't know who runs the
> country but are sure they're doing it wrong.
> The Daily Mail --- is read by the wives of the people who run the country.
> The Financial Times --- is read by the people who own the country.
> The Daily Express --- is read by the people who think the country
> ought to be run as it used to be run.
> The Daily Telegraph --- is read by the people who still think it is
> their country.
> And,
> The Sun's readers --- don't care who runs the country providing she
> has big t**s.
dont think so matey!
HOW THE CHINESE STAY PUT IN ITALY
About a century or two ago,the Pope decided that all the Chinese had toleave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would have to leave.
The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked an old man named Ah Pek to represent them.
As Ah Pek was not conversant in Italian language, he asked for one condition to be addedto the debate.
'To be fair', he said, 'neither side would be allowed to talk'.
The Pope agreed.
On the day of the big debate, Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.
Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.
Ah Pek looked back at him and raised one finger.
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.
Ah Pek pointed to the ground at where he sat.
The Pope pulled out a loaf and a glass of wine.
Ah Pek pulled out an apple.
The Pope stood up and said: 'I give up. This man is too good in religious knowledge. The Chinese can stay.'
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.
The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.
Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and loaf to show thatGod absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin.
He had an answerfor everything. What could I do??'
Meanwhile, the Chinese community also crowded around Ah Pek and asked him what's happened in the debate.
'Well', said Ah Pek. 'First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I raised my third finger and asked him to f*@k off, and that none of us was leaving.
Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here.'
'Yes, and then???' asked the crowd.
'I don't know', said Ah Pek, 'He took out his lunch, and I took out mine.'
fatman17
PDF THINK TANK: CONSULTANT
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A racist story...
A Chinese immigrant went hunting one day in Ontario, Canada and bagged three ducks.
He put them in the back of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like the Chinaman.
The game warden ordered the Chinese to show his hunting license and the Chinese pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck.
You got a Quebec hunting license, boy..?? "
The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license..?? "
The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Manitoba duck. This here duck's from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia hunting license..?? "
Again the Chinese reached into his wallet keeping calm and patience and brought out a Nova Scotia license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Chinese
"Just where the hell are you from..??"
The Chinese smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants showing his butt and said, "You tell me, you are the expert."
A Chinese immigrant went hunting one day in Ontario, Canada and bagged three ducks.
He put them in the back of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like the Chinaman.
The game warden ordered the Chinese to show his hunting license and the Chinese pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck.
You got a Quebec hunting license, boy..?? "
The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license..?? "
The Chinese reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Manitoba duck. This here duck's from Nova Scotia. You got a Nova Scotia hunting license..?? "
Again the Chinese reached into his wallet keeping calm and patience and brought out a Nova Scotia license.
The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the Chinese
"Just where the hell are you from..??"
The Chinese smiled turned around, bent over, dropped his pants showing his butt and said, "You tell me, you are the expert."
why not, if we can talk about missiles and tanks then why should we shy away from reading something funny adult stuff...as far as its fun, there should not be an issue, but if upload any pornographic material, then I believe webmaster will raise a serious concern!
Perceptron
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Ek gareeb ladke ko chirag mila. Usne chirag uthaya aur ragad diya.
ZORDAR DHAMAKA HUA.
Khud mara aur aur aas paas 9 logon ki thuk gayi, 15 ke waat lag gaye aur 20 log apne haath kho baithe...
Moral of the story ::
Alladin ka zamana gaya, Lawaaris cheezon se duur raho.
Kuch cheezein Aladdin ki nahi, Mujahideen ki hoti hain !!!
---- Mumbai Police.
ZORDAR DHAMAKA HUA.
Khud mara aur aur aas paas 9 logon ki thuk gayi, 15 ke waat lag gaye aur 20 log apne haath kho baithe...
Moral of the story ::
Alladin ka zamana gaya, Lawaaris cheezon se duur raho.
Kuch cheezein Aladdin ki nahi, Mujahideen ki hoti hain !!!
---- Mumbai Police.
Rafael
RETIRED MOD
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At the Border an Indian officer shouts at a Pakistani Spy trying to Cross the Border :
"Ruk" nahi toh "Goli" Mar dunga
The Pak Spy replies:
"Goli" se darr nahi lagta sahab, "Kohli" se lagta hai
That man is a beast. All ODI and T-20 bowlers fear him, not only Pakistanis.
Arav_Rana
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why not, if we can talk about missiles and tanks then why should we shy away from reading something funny adult stuff...as far as its fun, there should not be an issue, but if upload any pornographic material, then I believe webmaster will raise a serious concern!
ok bro...
If Tushar Kapoor played the role of Barfi,
movie would have ended with Priyanka and Ileana
turning Lesbians
;=============================================
Sarfira shayar ek shadi ki mehfil me DULHAN se:
Naazo se pali ho sasural ja rahi ho.
Naazo se pali ho sasural ja rahi ho
Wah Wah
Patak-patak ke ch@$ega Wo mad@@choD bekar me muskara rahi ho..!
Arav_Rana
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Rajnikant ne Bipasha Ko cycle pe aage bithaya,
Bipasha- Rajni muze dekh Ke Aapka khada nhi hota?
Rajnikant- Pagli Ye Ladies cycle He.Pata He tu kis Pe bethi he?
==========================================================
A true boyfriend should make his girlfriends ***** wet, Not her eyes.
A true girlfriend should make her boyfriends dick hard not his life.=D=))
=============================================================
1 aadmi Dinner Ke Vakt Apne bete Se Gusse Me Bola: Gadhe, KARELA Kha,
LAMBA Hoga..!
Kitchen Se Sharmate Hue WIFE Boli: AAP
Bhi Khaiye Na.... 
=====================================================
Baba Saxidas Ji Ki Book, “Jiyo Aur Jeene Do” Mein Batayi Gayi Ek Baat
Paisa G##d Ki Tarah Hota Hai,
Sab Ke Paas Hai Par Dene Ko Kisi Ka Dil Nahi Karta,
Lekin Lene Ko Saare Phirte Hai
.............. Enjoy
Bipasha- Rajni muze dekh Ke Aapka khada nhi hota?
Rajnikant- Pagli Ye Ladies cycle He.Pata He tu kis Pe bethi he?
==========================================================
A true boyfriend should make his girlfriends ***** wet, Not her eyes.
A true girlfriend should make her boyfriends dick hard not his life.=D=))
=============================================================
1 aadmi Dinner Ke Vakt Apne bete Se Gusse Me Bola: Gadhe, KARELA Kha,
LAMBA Hoga..!
Kitchen Se Sharmate Hue WIFE Boli: AAP
Bhi Khaiye Na....
=====================================================
Baba Saxidas Ji Ki Book, “Jiyo Aur Jeene Do” Mein Batayi Gayi Ek Baat
Paisa G##d Ki Tarah Hota Hai,
Sab Ke Paas Hai Par Dene Ko Kisi Ka Dil Nahi Karta,
Lekin Lene Ko Saare Phirte Hai
.............. Enjoy
p(-)0ENiX
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A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.
The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."
Source
S.U.R.B.
PDF THINK TANK: ANALYST
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Short story
A literature class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The instructions were that the story had to contain the following 3 things.
1-Religion.
2-Romance.
3-Mystery.
Below is the only A+ story in the entire class.
"O' my God! i'm pregnant ,I wonder who did it."
A literature class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.
The instructions were that the story had to contain the following 3 things.
1-Religion.
2-Romance.
3-Mystery.
Below is the only A+ story in the entire class.
"O' my God! i'm pregnant ,I wonder who did it."
Last Hope
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A couple of A-10's are escorting a C-130 Hercules and their pilots were chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk fell to the subject of the relative merits of their respective aircraft with the fighter pilots holding that their planes were better because of their maneuverability, weaponry and the like.
The C-130 pilot replied "Yeh? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Just watch," he tells them. The C-130 continues to fly straight and level, and after several minutes the Herk pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?"
Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"
He replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went in the back and took a p!$$."
The C-130 pilot replied "Yeh? Well I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about." Naturally, he was challenged to demonstrate. "Just watch," he tells them. The C-130 continues to fly straight and level, and after several minutes the Herk pilot returns to the air and says, "There! How was that?"
Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots say, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"
He replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went in the back and took a p!$$."
