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21 August 2012

As Syria burns, black humor thrives

Faced with a bloody conflict that has gripped their country for the past 17 months, many Syrians have opted for humor as a weapon to mock both Bashar al-Assad’s regime and their own daily struggles.

“Dear defectors, the Syrian revolution is taking place in Syria, not in Turkey,” read banners at several protests, mocking defectors who have chosen to keep their distance from the battlefield after fleeing north across the border.

And the defection to Paris of the regime’s former golden boy, Manaf Tlass, prompted protesters in Kfar Nabal village in northwest Idlib province -- who have become well-known for their witty slogans -- to raise a banner reading:

“The Charles de Gaulle Brigade led by Brigadier General Manaf Tlass has seized control of the Champs Elysees!”

The state of the opposition, destruction caused by the ongoing battle between Assad’s forces and rebels, unemployment, falling incomes, a lack of daily necessities, local peculiarities, defections... all are now fair game for increasingly dark Syrian jokes.

Residents of Homs, often mocked by the rest of the country for their so-called naivety and lack of intellect, won plaudits nationwide for their resolve against regime forces when their town was hammered by the Syrian army, to the point that their city was nicknamed the “Capital of the Revolution.”

But, so the joke goes, their supposed naivety was a problem for authorities because whenever they imposed a curfew, residents would flock onto the streets to check it out.

Or: In Homs city, a resident plays with a rocket. When his friend warns him to be careful because it might go off, he reassures him there’s nothing to worry about because the army will simply fire some more.

Other jokes play on Homs’s reputation as a particularly conservative city:

A couple from Homs decide to visit Aleppo, Syria’s commercial capital, before it became the site of brutal battles between rebels and the regime.

They walk through Aleppo’s streets and after two hours without hearing any explosions or seeing any demonstrations, the husband tells the wife: “You can take off your veil now, there mustn’t be any men here.”

More than anything else, defections have become a firm favorite of rebel humor.

One joke goes that Assad has demanded that his Sunni vice-president Faruq al-Shara, the subject of defection rumors, sleep with him in the same room so he cannot escape, forcing the president’s wife Asma to move to the couch.

Another depicts Assad standing in front of a sign listing all of the security services and ministries he has decided to take charge of, with the president saying: “At least I don’t have to worry now about any ministers defecting.”

And one cartoon depicts a new minister being sworn in by Assad, with the official saying: “I pledge not to defect.”

The recent defection to Jordan of Riad Hijab, prime minister at the time, sparked jokes that Jordanian authorities now have the following signs at border crossings: Jordanians, Arabs, Foreigners, Diplomats, and Deserting Syrian Officials.

Increasing deprivation has also been a source of humor.

One joke has it that Syrians were convinced they would win a gold medal at the recent 2012 Olympics in London if one of the events had been climbing a staircase with a gas cylinder.

Another goes that a man returns home with a live chicken for dinner. But, his wife tells him, the family no longer has a knife to slaughter the bird, nor do they have gas to cook it with.

Upon hearing the news, the chicken begins clucking: “Long live Bashar! Long live Bashar!”

http://www.defence.pk/forums/members-club/203762-syria-burns-black-humor-thrives.html
 
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Cyanide

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to
buy some cyanide.."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,
" I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law?
I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad
things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist's wife.


Said the pharmacist, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
 
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Spaghetti


A doctor was having an affair with his nurse who became pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave the nurse a large sum of money and instructed her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.
"Just send me a postcard," he replied, "and write spaghetti on the back. I'll take care of all the expenses.
" Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months later, the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Honey, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I'll explain it to you."
Later that evening the doctor came home and, after reading the postcard, dropped to the floor clutching his chest.

Paramedics rushed him to the emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest, and the doctor's wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti -- two with sausage and meatballs; two without."
 
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Laughing at people crying is not cool.


 
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Pistol

A newly married couple was having an issue.One day when the husband was out ,the wife took his pistol ,loaded it and went to her mom.Just to piss him off.

After reaching there she decided to test her skills with the gun.She marked a suitable area for target practice and did all what her hubby had told her to do, as a precaution.

Now all ready ,aiming at the target ,gripping it with both hands she pulls the trigger.

After the first shot,"Mama, Mama look, i can fire a gun".

After the second shot,"mama, mama look,with one hand."

After the third shot,"wawa, wawa wook, wif wo teethf".
 
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Ghost

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed out. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."
 
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At railway station-
1st guy: dude, i fooled the government!
2nd guy: wow, but how?
1st guy: i took return ticket but not returned the other place .... Hahah lmao.
 
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Question to Confucius:
Woman: "If I sleep with three men, everyone calls me a slut. But when a man sleeps with ten women, every one calls him a Real Man !! How come... ?

Confucius: It's very simple. When one lock can be opened by three different keys, it's a 'Bad Lock'. But when One key can open ten different locks, we call it a MASTER KEY"


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The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on s*xual morality.

"We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"

A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

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Three guys are arguing about whose wife is more stupid.

First guy says, "My wife, she just went and bought a $10,000 dress and she 8 sizes too big for it."

Second guy says, "Well, my wife, she just went and bought a Ferrari and she can't drive."

Third guy says, "Well, my wife she so stupid that she just went to Hawaii with a bag full of condoms and I'm not going with her!!"
 
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happened with our clan too. We were traveling in train and discussing our strategies for Counter Strike tournament. Saying words like we will plant the bomb here and watch from here, who should be near the bomb etc.".

People around us looked at us suspiciously, few actually left the seat. Thank god they didn't call the police.
 
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