Joke

[asad71]

Trump’s first day at the Oval Office after being elected President.


First briefing to the President by CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.

Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.

CIA: We can’t do that.

Trump: Why is that?

CIA: India will cut Balochistan out of Pak.

Trump: I don’t care.

CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.

Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.

CIA: Sir, we can’t do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.

Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.

Pentagon: Sir, we can’t do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can’t have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil – and we cannot let their people own it.

Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.

Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.

Trump: Why not?

CIA: We are talking to them, sir.

Trump: What? Why?

CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our
buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.

Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.

CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.

Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?

CIA: We need the Shi’ite gov’t of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.

Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.

FBI: We can’t do that.

Trump: Why not?

FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.

Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.

Border patrol: You can’t do that, sir.

Trump: Why not?

Border patrol: If they’re gone, who will build the wall?

Trump: I am banning H1B visas.

USCIS: You cannot do that.

Trump: Why?

Chief of staff: If you do so we’ll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.

Trump (sweating profusely by now): What the hell should I do as President???

CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!

 

[Kailash Rava]

EVERYDAY I AM TROLLING
























http://thumbpress.com/the-best-of-trolling-15-hilarious-images-that-confirm-trolling-is-an-art/

 

[ghazi52]

After having their 11th child, a Pathan couple decided that that was enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The husband said to the doctor, "Masha'Allah!, I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem.."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count with his fingers: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused.....................
and placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand.
This procedure has been approved by the Health Department of Pakistan

 

[third eye]

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !

Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV.
When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!

 

[asad71]

Rain


A man goes into the confession booth at church.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin, my son?" Asks the priest.

"Well, about a month ago I was in the library until closing time, and when I wanted to leave it started to rain very heavily and didn't let up. After some time me and the librarian lost our patience and... well.. partied all night, if you catch my drift."
"That is bad but not horrible, my son," Said the priest, "if it is a one-time slip, God will forgive you."

"That's just the thing," said the man, "about a week ago I helped my neighbor fix her shutters, and when I wanted to go home it started raining heavily and... well.. you know, all night long."

The priest remains silent.

The man covers his face in his hands and starts sobbing, "What should I do now, father?"

"What should you DO??" Screamed the priest, "You should get out of here right now before it rains!"

 

[war&peace]

@Doordie @Khafee @GreenFalcon @Morse_Code @Mentee @tps77 @Chauvinist @Signalian @Zaki @Djinn

 

[Dawood Ibrahim]

Ek sharabi ne 98.3 FM Radio pe phone kiya

Sharabi : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash,ek iphone 5s,ek Credit Card aur kisi Pallavi Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.

Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
toh aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge, Right ??

Sharabi : Nahi!!

......Main chahta hoon ke Pallavi Mishra ke liye ek Dard bhara SONG ho jaaye...




@war&peace @Mentee @Signalian @tps77

 

[Mentee]

Ek sharabi ne 98.3 FM Radio pe phone kiya

Sharabi : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash,ek iphone 5s,ek Credit Card aur kisi Pallavi Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.

Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
toh aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge, Right ??

Sharabi : Nahi!!

......Main chahta hoon ke Pallavi Mishra ke liye ek Dard bhara SONG ho jaaye...


@tps77

 

[Tps43]

Ek sharabi ne 98.3 FM Radio pe phone kiya

Sharabi : Mujhe S.V. Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash,ek iphone 5s,ek Credit Card aur kisi Pallavi Mishra ke naam ka ID mila hai.

Radio Jockey : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain...
toh aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge, Right ??

Sharabi : Nahi!!

......Main chahta hoon ke Pallavi Mishra ke liye ek Dard bhara SONG ho jaaye...




@war&peace @Mentee @Signalian @tps77

mera liya bhi kam sa kam miss mishra ka number hee dedata

 

[Tps43]

View attachment 379675

@Doordie @Khafee @GreenFalcon @Morse_Code @Mentee @tps77 @Chauvinist @Signalian @Zaki @Djinn

 

[Dawood Ibrahim]

Bas Kar Khan
Ek Pathan Ke 3 Bachche Hue, Usne Unke Naam Rakhe:
1) Hasrat Khan
2) Harkat Khan
3) Barkat Khan

2 Saal Baad Uske Yahan Phir 3 Bachche Hue, Usne Is Baar Unke Naam Rakhe:
1) Dariya Khan
2) Samandar Khan
3) Sailaab Khan

Next Time Phir Se 3 Bachche Hue Aur Is Baar Naam The:
1) Himmat Khan
2) Housla Khan
3) Bardasht Khan

Har Baar Ki Tarah Jab Is Baar Bhi Uske Yahan 3 Bachche Hue Toh Is Baar Naam Biwi Ne Rakhe:
1) Bas Kar Khan
2) Sharam Kar Khan
3) Reham Kar Khan.....


@war&peace @tps77 @Signalian @Mentee @SherDil @Djinn

An old message but felt sharing

 

[Tps43]

Reham kar khan

Bas Kar Khan
Ek Pathan Ke 3 Bachche Hue, Usne Unke Naam Rakhe:
1) Hasrat Khan
2) Harkat Khan
3) Barkat Khan

2 Saal Baad Uske Yahan Phir 3 Bachche Hue, Usne Is Baar Unke Naam Rakhe:
1) Dariya Khan
2) Samandar Khan
3) Sailaab Khan

Next Time Phir Se 3 Bachche Hue Aur Is Baar Naam The:
1) Himmat Khan
2) Housla Khan
3) Bardasht Khan

Har Baar Ki Tarah Jab Is Baar Bhi Uske Yahan 3 Bachche Hue Toh Is Baar Naam Biwi Ne Rakhe:
1) Bas Kar Khan
2) Sharam Kar Khan
3) Reham Kar Khan.....


@war&peace @tps77 @Signalian @Mentee @SherDil @Djinn

An old message but felt sharing

 

[Arsalan]

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.'

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!'

The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.

The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.'

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.'

The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.'

So, ABRA-KADA-BRA-KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like a mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.


Male readers:

Please scroll down.
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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen...now run along and put the kettle on, there's a love.

 

[Arsalan]

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

 

[war&peace]

​

@MastanKhan @django @Arsalan @Doordie @SherDil