Joke

[asad71]

Divorce

Hilarious


A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American lady. Although his english wasn't perfect they got along very well.

One day he rushed to the solicitor's and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The solicitor said that getting a divorce would depend on circumstances and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete

I dont think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?


No, we have a carport and not need one

I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations are in Poland

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player

Does your wife beat you up?

No I always up before her

Is your wife a nagger?

No she white

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She is going to poison me.
She bought a bottle at drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English well and it says:

POLISH REMOVER

 

[Dawood Ibrahim]

There was once a couple that had been married for 20 years. They had a fine love life, with one exception:

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights completely.

Well, at first it wasn't so annoying, but after so many years of marriage the wife felt it was foolish. She figured she would break him out of the crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down and saw her husband was holding a specially made pleasure device.

She got very angry.

"You impotent bastard!" she screamed at him.

"How could you have been lying to me all these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly:

"I'll explain the toy if you explain the kids."

2 in 1 policy

 

[Taygibay]

Released today :

https://meduza.io/shapito/2017/01/18/v-rassekrechennyh-dokumentah-tsru-nashli-sovetskie-anekdoty

​

If you are less than 40 years old and don't get these, it's normal!
Keep laughing, Tay.​

 

[Blue Marlin]

Divorce

Hilarious


A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American lady. Although his english wasn't perfect they got along very well.

One day he rushed to the solicitor's and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The solicitor said that getting a divorce would depend on circumstances and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete

I dont think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?


No, we have a carport and not need one

I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations are in Poland

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player

Does your wife beat you up?

No I always up before her

Is your wife a nagger?

No she white

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She is going to poison me.
She bought a bottle at drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English well and it says:

POLISH REMOVER

 

[Deidara]

Released today :

https://meduza.io/shapito/2017/01/18/v-rassekrechennyh-dokumentah-tsru-nashli-sovetskie-anekdoty

View attachment 369869

View attachment 369870
​

If you are less than 40 years old and don't get these, it's normal!
Keep laughing, Tay.​

The couple in the last joke are the only kind of people in this world who i will call my friends.

 

[war&peace]

Joke 1

@SherDil @Doordie @Mentee

Joke 2
During a Robbery in Hong Kong, the Bank Robber shouted to everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The Money belongs to the Government. Your Life belongs to You."

Everyone in the Bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the Conventional Way of Thinking.

When a Lady lay on the Table provocatively, the Robber shouted at her:
"Please be Civilised! This is a Robbery and not a Rape!"

This is called "Being Professional” . Focus only on What You are Trained to do!

When the Bank Robbers returned Home, the Younger Robber (MBA Trained) told the older Robber (who has only completed Year 6 in Primary School):
"Big Brother, let's count how much we got."

The older Robber rebutted and said:
"You are very Stupid. There is so much Money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV News will tell us how much we Robbed from the Bank!"

This is called "Experience”
Nowadays, experience is more Important than Paper Qualifications!

After the Robbers had left, the Bank Manager told the Bank supervisor to call the Police quickly. But the Supervisor said to him:
"Wait! Let us take out $10 Million from the Bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 Million that we have previously Embezzled from the Bank”.

This is called "Swim with the Tide”
Converting an unfavorable situation to Your Advantage!

The Supervisor says: "It will be Good if there is a Robbery every month."

This is called "Changing Priority”
Personal Happiness is more Important than Your Job”.

The next day, the TV News reported that $100 Million was taken from the Bank. The Robbers Counted and Counted and Counted, but they could only Count $20 Million.

The Robbers were very Angry and Complained:
"We risked our Lives and only took $20 Million. The Bank Manager took $80 Million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be Educated than to be a Thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as Gold!"

Must read ..Superb one. Lessons on Corporate Management in a nutshell !!

 

[SherDil]

Joke 1
View attachment 370381

@SherDil @Doordie @Mentee

Joke 2
During a Robbery in Hong Kong, the Bank Robber shouted to everyone in the bank:
"Don't move. The Money belongs to the Government. Your Life belongs to You."

Everyone in the Bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the Conventional Way of Thinking.

When a Lady lay on the Table provocatively, the Robber shouted at her:
"Please be Civilised! This is a Robbery and not a Rape!"

This is called "Being Professional” . Focus only on What You are Trained to do!

When the Bank Robbers returned Home, the Younger Robber (MBA Trained) told the older Robber (who has only completed Year 6 in Primary School):
"Big Brother, let's count how much we got."

The older Robber rebutted and said:
"You are very Stupid. There is so much Money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV News will tell us how much we Robbed from the Bank!"

This is called "Experience”
Nowadays, experience is more Important than Paper Qualifications!

After the Robbers had left, the Bank Manager told the Bank supervisor to call the Police quickly. But the Supervisor said to him:
"Wait! Let us take out $10 Million from the Bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 Million that we have previously Embezzled from the Bank”.

This is called "Swim with the Tide”
Converting an unfavorable situation to Your Advantage!

The Supervisor says: "It will be Good if there is a Robbery every month."

This is called "Changing Priority”
Personal Happiness is more Important than Your Job”.

The next day, the TV News reported that $100 Million was taken from the Bank. The Robbers Counted and Counted and Counted, but they could only Count $20 Million.

The Robbers were very Angry and Complained:
"We risked our Lives and only took $20 Million. The Bank Manager took $80 Million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be Educated than to be a Thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as Gold!"

Must read ..Superb one. Lessons on Corporate Management in a nutshell !!

 

[Dawood Ibrahim]

Please read it full its an inspiration story

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, Basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feedback and she took her son out from that school and she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform in another city.

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk.........in turn, the doctor was staring at her face which started turning blue. She was raising her hand trying to tell him something but in vain and eventually she died.....

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw Basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......

If you were thinking that Basheer became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many Indian movies, serials or have read too many motivational forwarded messages...
Basheer is still Basheer


@war&peace @SherDil @Mentee @tps77

 

[Tps43]

Please read it full its an inspiration story

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, Basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feedback and she took her son out from that school and she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform in another city.

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk.........in turn, the doctor was staring at her face which started turning blue. She was raising her hand trying to tell him something but in vain and eventually she died.....

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw Basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......

If you were thinking that Basheer became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many Indian movies, serials or have read too many motivational forwarded messages...
Basheer is still Basheer


@war&peace @SherDil @Mentee @tps77

A year ago it was a trend tho!

 

[Mentee]

Please read it full its an inspiration story

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, Basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feedback and she took her son out from that school and she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform in another city.

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk.........in turn, the doctor was staring at her face which started turning blue. She was raising her hand trying to tell him something but in vain and eventually she died.....

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw Basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......

If you were thinking that Basheer became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many Indian movies, serials or have read too many motivational forwarded messages...
Basheer is still Basheer


@war&peace @SherDil @Mentee @tps77

 

[SherDil]

Please read it full its an inspiration story

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, Basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teacher told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...

The mother could not accept such a feedback and she took her son out from that school and she even shifted to another city ...

25 years later, that teacher got a cardio disorder and all the doctors advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform in another city.

Left with no other choice she did it and the surgery was successful...when she opened her eyes, she saw a handsome doctor smiling at her, being under anesthesia effect, she wanted to thank him but could not talk.........in turn, the doctor was staring at her face which started turning blue. She was raising her hand trying to tell him something but in vain and eventually she died.....

The doctor was shocked and was trying to understand what just happened, till he turned back and saw Basheer working as a cleaner in that hospital who unplugged the ventilator to connect his vacuum cleaner......

If you were thinking that Basheer became a doctor, it's because you have been watching too many Indian movies, serials or have read too many motivational forwarded messages...
Basheer is still Basheer


@war&peace @SherDil @Mentee @tps77

Shocked ......

 

[MastanKhan]

@war&peace @Mentee
@Khafee and everybody else---enjoy the joke




Appalachian Memes
January 25 at 9:56am ·

 

[Mentee]

@war&peace @Mentee
@Khafee and everybody else---enjoy the joke




Appalachian Memes
January 25 at 9:56am ·

Sir what was she eating btw ?

 

[MastanKhan]

Sir what was she eating btw ?

A ' samwich '.

 

[Mentee]

A ' samwich '.