Joke

[MastanKhan]

This joke is a PG 13
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Johnny. He replies, 'None, they all fly away with the first gun shot'
The teacher replies 'The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think.'
Then Little Johnny says 'I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone'
To which Little Johnny replied, 'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.'

 

[halupridol]

Vijaykanth is back
vijaykanth went to a bank to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form he went to Delhi for filling it up.
You know why?
Form said: 'Fill Up In Capital.'

Vijaykanth standing below a tube light with open mouth.
Why?
Because his doctor advised him: 'Today's dinner should be light !'

On romantic date vijaykanth's gf asks him:
'Darling ! On our engagement will you give me a ring?'
He said: 'Sure ! What's your phone no.?'

Vijaykanth found the answer to the most difficult question ever.
What will come first, chicken or egg?
what ever u order first will come first.

Teacher told all students to write an essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except vijaykanth
He wrote:'Due To Rain, No Match!'

What does vijaykanth do after taking a Xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any spelling mistakes.

Vijaykanth & wife buy coffee in a shop.
Vijaykanth: Drink quickly before it gets cold.
Wife: Why?
Vijaykanth: Hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.


What happens when vijaykanth's wife delivers twins????
He does not sleep whole night, thinking who is the father of second child...

Manager asked vijaykanth at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Vijaykanth replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.


After returning back from a foreign trip, vijaykanthasked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Vijaykanth: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?


Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
Vijaykanth writes, "Gandhi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.


Interviewer: just imagine you are on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Vijaykanth: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
✌

Vijaykanth: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Vijaykanth: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.


Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Vijaykanth: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!



Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Vijaykanth: "All are born on government holidays...!!!


Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Vijaykanth: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

 

[JonAsad]

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
In London, a customer asked,"Do you have "Sarso Da Tel?"
The shopkeeper says "are you a "Sardar"?
The guy, clearly offended, says,"Yes I am...But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Olive Oil, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
If i had asked for halal meat..wud u ask me if I was Muslim?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

The shopkeeper says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Sarso Da Tel, why did you ask if I am a
Sardar?"
The shopkeeper replied,
"Because, this is a wine shop"

Absolute Classic!!!

 

[OrionHunter]

@OrionHunter @Leader @hinduguy @Gufi (Dont know why I feel you need a heavy dose of jokes, why don't you prescribe yourself some??? )

You think I'm a joker?? Lol!

You probably haven't read my jokes out here! Ok, here's one for you....

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."

The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degrees west."

Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"

"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."

Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"

There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

 

[Levina]

You think I'm a joker?? Lol!

Lol
"You need a dose of jokes" was for @Gufi.

You probably haven't read my jokes out here! Ok, here's one for you....

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: "Change your course ten degrees east."

The light signals back: "Change yours, ten degrees west."

Angry, the captain sends: "I'm a Navy captain! Change your course, sir!"

"I'm a seaman, second class," comes the reply. "Change your course, sir."

Now the captain is furious. "I'm a battleship! I'm not changing course!"

There's one last reply. "I'm a lighthouse. Your call."

This is one of my fav.
Heard their original conversation???
The spainard coast guard gives a befitting reply to the captain.
This is the video...

 

[Gufi]

"You need a dose of jokes" was for @Gufi.

Frasier is enough or that....

 

[asad71]

Honeymoon Package

Woman goes to travel agent and says, "Honeymoon Ka Sasta Package Hai koi?"
Agent says, "Ji Mam, 50k mein 3N/4D in Bangkok including flight hotel and food."
Woman replies, "Aur Koi Sasta??"
Agent says, "Kashmir 3N/4D all inclusive 35k."
Woman goes, "Isse Bhi koi Sasta?"
Agent replies, "Ji Madam, Ek Special Offer Hai - 10N/11D in London and Paris via Milan, stay in honeymoon suite and complementary chauffeured car. Package is completely free!!!"
Woman is overjoyed and immediately tells him, "Awww my god!!! Yeh Toh incredible offer Hai, Zaroor Kuchh Catch Hoga?"
Agent says, "Koi catch Nahi Madam, Bas Husband Hamari Taraf Se Hota Hai!!!"

 

[asad71]

Notice Anything Different? (Adult)
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Wyoming, Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"

Margaret looked him over, "Nope."

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down tomorrow."

Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"

"Nope, Not a clue", she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!'

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert,

Shoulda bought a hat..."

 

[ghazi52]

...............................
Just a Minute
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The clerk said, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” the man said and hung up..............

 

[jammersat]

an Israeli tank walks into a bar
the bartender ask "what's your name" ?
"Pereh" !

 

[parkour guy]

An English teacher in class room was teaching english and asked students to repeat the sentence...
"Gadha gadhy ke pechay gadha us ke pechay maen mery pechay sari qaum"
Chalo saree mill ke kaho.
While the principle passed by the class and asked teacher are you an english teacher.
He replied yes.
But why are you asking them to repeat the sentence...
He replied the english word i were teaching them was a bit long so i decident to break it into parts so that they could memorize the word.....
The principle was astound...
"What is that word "
"Assassination"
The principle fainted...

 

[SipahSalar]

 

[asad71]

First Anatomy Lesson

First year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"

 

[Gibbs]

 

[jammersat]