In a weird sorta awful situation

[Yankee-stani]

Hi,I tend to refrain from going into personal details about myself but anyways I feel I have no other option to use so I will kindly ask for mature or sensible members for advice on the situation I am kinda in.As you I am 2nd gen kid in the US with a Pakistani dad,and for those who experienced this know the cultural difficulties some of us face here you see me and my father have a good and loving relationship but in a complicated way,I feel like my views and my dads views don't align and this can get into very nasty fights and arguements just today I got into a nasty fight during Ramadan and I think both of us broke our fast I feel he thinks I been failure to him,and is very abusive I try to restrain my anger but I can't when I am getting abused by him all the time I know in Islamic and in Pakistani culture you have to obey your parents but I don't like his mentality and I am wrong to fight him as well I will go more in detail but I need some help rn

 

[Yankee-stani]

@Pan-Islamic-Pakistan @Indus Pakistan @war&peace @Wa Muhammada

 

[YeBeWarned]

What kind of Differences you and your father has ?

 

[Yankee-stani]

What kind of Differences you and your father has ?

My father is 72 years old he is aching for Going back to the motherland,he feels I am useless,a failure and thinks I am bringing him down in ways i kinda did but the my problem is I don't know what exactly I want to do with my life plus my dad is pretty abusive he does love me as a son but I think he piles all his problems in his life on me

 

[GumNaam]

Hi,I tend to refrain from going into personal details about myself but anyways I feel I have no other option to use so I will kindly ask for mature or sensible members for advice on the situation I am kinda in.As you I am 2nd gen kid in the US with a Pakistani dad,and for those who experienced this know the cultural difficulties some of us face here you see me and my father have a good and loving relationship but in a complicated way,I feel like my views and my dads views don't align and this can get into very nasty fights and arguements just today I got into a nasty fight during Ramadan and I think both of us broke our fast I feel he thinks I been failure to him,and is very abusive I try to restrain my anger but I can't when I am getting abused by him all the time I know in Islamic and in Pakistani culture you have to obey your parents but I don't like his mentality and I am wrong to fight him as well I will go more in detail but I need some help rn

Salam bro, email me directly, I think I can help. tameeraypakistan@gmail.com

 

[Yankee-stani]

As a result we get into nasty fights once in a while which is bad but both of us can't seem to restrain our anger then I have to beg him to forgive and forget its gotten so bad in last few years since my mom and dad split that some of his close friends and our family members know this problem

 

[Khafee]

I don't have a father, he died long time ago. We didn't get along most of the time, after I got commissioned, things changed, our relationship became better, and then he passed away. You can't imagine how many times, I play in my head, why did I say this, why did he say that. He is gone, all I can do is pray for him, and do good deeds so his account keeps on adding up.

Your father is still alive, be humble, bite the bullet, don't loose him.

As per Sahih Hadith, 3 peoples dua's are accepted very fast:

1) A traveller
2) A "muzloom"
3) A father's dua for his childeren

Best Wishes, and May Allah help you and give you strength.

 

[Yankee-stani]

Salam bro, email me directly, I think I can help. tameeraypakistan@gmail.com

Sure I will do that thanks

 

[HttpError]

I don't know about the details of your relationship with your Dad but often desi parents love to abuse. Sometimes it is cultural but many don't. Relationships are based on trust and mutual respect, it is always a two way street. But considering your father is getting old and at this age people often over-react and act bit grumpy, so considering this I would advice you not to engage with him and just ignore what he says, after all no matter if they agree to what we say or believe they still love us unconditionally.

 

[YeBeWarned]

My father is 72 years old he is aching for Going back to the motherland,he feels I am useless,a failure and thinks I am bringing him down in ways i kinda did but the my problem is I don't know what exactly I want to do with my life plus my dad is pretty abusive he does love me as a son but I think he piles all his problems in his life on me

As a Muslim we are not allowed to be harsh or abusive towards our parents even if they are bad to us, as long as they are not forcing you to commit some sort of Sin, you are Obliged to listen to him and make sure you did not be aggressive to him, i understand that its hard, i have my moments with my dad but i am not proud of them . I think your dad is little Frustrated maybe because he wants to go back to his country and be among his people . I think you should try to convince him that you will do something in your life , and be successful one way or another , we all have to go through a trough time but every kid has its own potential .

 

[Rusty]

Speaking from experience it can be really hard to break from nonsense Pakistani culture.

As far as being a failure, are you working on improving? As long as you are working on it, you are not a failure.

Personally, I disregard 90% of pakistani culture as it's mostly nonsense.

And " listen to your parents" is mostly BS. I know so many people whose lives are basically ruined due to "listen to your parents"

If it's an option, I would suggest you move out as well.

Also, you are not the only one in this situation just remember that.

 

[Khafee]

My father is 72 years old he is aching for Going back to the motherland,he feels I am useless,a failure and thinks I am bringing him down in ways i kinda did but the my problem is I don't know what exactly I want to do with my life plus my dad is pretty abusive he does love me as a son but I think he piles all his problems in his life on me

Maybe all he needs is a shoulder to cry on.

All you need to do is keep quiet and be there for him. When he says you have let him down, tell him a fathers dua & bud-dua - both are accepted very fast. So pls make dua for me. See how he reacts. InShaAllah your relationship will improve.

 

[undercover JIX]

My father is 72 years old he is aching for Going back to the motherland,he feels I am useless,a failure and thinks I am bringing him down in ways i kinda did but the my problem is I don't know what exactly I want to do with my life plus my dad is pretty abusive he does love me as a son but I think he piles all his problems in his life on me

You see, bold part seems to be the problem.

Your father hard worker, self made, came from nothing and achieved everything what he have today in a foreign land, and for him to see his son just wasting time and do not know what to do with his life, and not very good at taking advice.

I am not putting you down or blaming your everything, but it seems that your father is hurt seeing you like this and we desi parents / fathers mostly have a difficulty to deal with these situations. he might have talked to you for years in different ways but nothing worked out.

I will suggest to try to understand and listen, take his advice. may you dont want to do what he is suggesting.

arguing and opposing will not get you or your father anywhere. try to listen, and suggest your oppinion and show willingness to do something which will improve your life, take his advice or come up with something acceptable to him.

he is so fedup, he just want to leave and go back, because he is not seeing any hope, and only you can give him that hope to live life and enjoy again.

we can go into details on specifics if you highlight.

 

[Yankee-stani]

You see, bold part seems to be the problem.

Your father hard worker, self made, came from nothing and achieved everything what he have today in a foreign land, and for him to see his son just wasting time and do not know what to do with his life, and not very good at taking advice.

I am not putting you down or blaming your everything, but it seems that your father is hurt seeing you like this and we desi parents / fathers mostly have a difficulty to deal with these situations. he might have talked to you for years in different ways but nothing worked out.

I will suggest to try to understand and listen, take his advice. may you dont want to do what he is suggesting.

arguing and opposing will not get you or your father anywhere. try to listen, and suggest your oppinion and show willingness to do something which will improve your life, take his advice or come up with something acceptable to him.

he is so fedup, he just want to leave and go back, because he is not seeing any hope, and only you can give him that hope to live life and enjoy again.

we can go into details on specifics if you highlight.

I agree with OP here I will try to go on details about it sometime later as I am kinda doing a errand I am no way doubting how my father has done hard work in this foreign land I actually do have interests and I am currently starting a new job at the moment

 

[xyxmt]

My father is 72 years old he is aching for Going back to the motherland,he feels I am useless,a failure and thinks I am bringing him down in ways i kinda did but the my problem is I don't know what exactly I want to do with my life plus my dad is pretty abusive he does love me as a son but I think he piles all his problems in his life on me

I am sure your father Left Pakistan long time ago, worked hard here in the US and made something of himself and saw in you his ultimate goal of moving form Pakistan, leaving all his loved ones behind, giving you all the options available to succeed in your life...he wants to see the result of his struggles in your success, now you tell me, can he?

Also if he wants to go back to Pakistan then you should not argue just help him do it, he will soon learn that what he though was his family he left behind is not his family anymore but you are.