Operation Dark Target ( Spy Story ) By Darth Vader

[Darth Vader]

Hey guys need your suggestion wrote down a small piece . Should i keep writing or should i throw it in garbage.'


Operation Dark target




Chapter 1

It was a cold misty night. 1:20 am in the night, a shadow was walking on the street, there were rows of houses around him. the street didn't show any signs of life. Shadow was walking carefully, watching every step he took , to avoide any noise that could attract the dogs yawning far away from him. He was searching for something -- suddenly he turned and came back to a small house, like he forgot something. it was a small house with a dark brown colored, iron door. He knocked thrice on the door but before knocking he made sure no one was there watching him.

Amjad he whispered at door while knocking, a hand came out of the door and grabbed his arm and dragged him inside he would have fallen on that bike standing right beside the door if he wasn’t careful.

What are you doing here Rizwan, have you seen what time is it, it better be something important ? Amjad Asked Rizwan.

Sir It’s important, finally we got him.

We got Him ?

Amjad was in shock he couldn’t believe what his ears just heard, we got him are you sure.

Yes sir Rizwan replied we got him.

Months of hard work finally paid off ISI finally had him. The most wanted Terrorist of Pakistan, hundreds of families lost their loved ones because of this one person. He was behind many bombings, attacks on army, the recent massacre happened in Army School in Peshawar, it all was because of this one person the head of snake. Army was behind him for years tracking every movement he was making He was known by many names and Mullah Radio was one of them. ISI had to work very hard to get his location. Now the real test was about to start getting location of target was one thing but taking him out alive from the bees nest was another. Peshawar incident shock Pakistan and caught Government by surprise.


We need to alert higher command we don’t get that lucky in our kind of business every day. Are you ready Caption?

Sir Yes Sir Rizwan replied

Let me inform Bgr. Tariq.

Bgr Tariq Had spent of most of his life in army, been in spy game for very long time so he know how to deal with them. He was famous for his swift action and showed no mercy to his enemies. He conducted many successful operations and every mission was a success. Whenever he got some his hands on some Taliban he made sure they won’t be able to hurt any other soul again, his methods were questionable but his results were off the charts.


10 January 2015 Pakistan army G.h.Q Rawalpindi, an important meeting was been going on for several hours in room with round table which was occupied by 4 top high rankings officers of Pakistan army so they can chose the best course of action.

Major Ali started the briefing

Gentleman “our sources had informed us that Dark target will be traveling to Pakistan next Week to see the Taliban Initiation ceremony, where 100 new jihadi fanatics will be Joining Threak e Taliban Pakistan (T.T.P).”

And “Make sure we catch this bastard”.

Suddenly the room went into silent mood there was pin drop silence in room no one was talking and suddenly this silence was broken by Brigadier Tariq.

He stood up from his Chair and in firm voice he started to talk.

Gentleman “I have some disturbing news from other side of border, one of our operative just informed us, Dark target is under the protection of Afghan intelligence, that’s why all the past attempts to capture or eliminate him was unsuccessful , and many of our operatives lost their lives. This Time it will be a Black Op, Afghan intelligence won’t be involved in this Op, ISI must eliminate this threat on it’s on and Capitan Khalid one of our best will be in command.”




Khalid.. o Bhai khalid where you heading . Can You get me Some fruits ? Mubashir shouted from the top floor of building . They were in the 6th flat.

Khalid Looked up from stairs saw Mubashir screaming, he raised his hand showing middle finger and walked out of the 5 storey Building.

Capitan Khalid a S.S.G commando was one of the best of his batch, He was trained by the best and spent few months in United States with Marines.

He was master of hand 2 hand combat, swimming champion, Sniper, and spending time with US Marines just improved his skills even more. He’s been in Kabul for few days finding Qasim a local commander in TTP and also provider of Intel to Pakistan intelligence. They were supposed to meet in a famous restaurant in Kabul bazar, But Qasim was no show that made Khalid worried because this wasn't some random info exchange this time the Info Qasim was bringing Directly involved Dark target. He was drinking tea in the restaurant when he felt his pocket was vibrating he Picked his phone up in a jiffy

Yes Khalid Speaking.

Qasim here Khalid “got some news for our friends and a special gift”

Khalid “Gift? “he sounded confused.

Yes My Friend Gift but this gift must be sent home ASAP. Qasim replied

Khalid Saying Good Bye to Qasim went straight to his apartment.



So whats you think about this thats the 1st time em writing something like this , and i know em not very good at this
@Horus @SUPARCO @WebMaster @Norwegian @Jf Thunder @genmirajborgza786 @Pakistani Exile @Pakistani shaheens @Masterkhan @DESERT FIGHTER @Desert Fox @Armstrong @Akheilos @Stealth @American Pakistani
@Green Arrow @GreenFalcon
i updated and completed Chapter 1 hope u guys like it now if something is wrong just mention it will try to improve
@ranjeet @Norwegian @Pakistani shaheens @Selous @TankMan @hinduguy
@Zarvan @FaujHistorian @fatman17 @ghoul @Devil Soul @orangzaib

 

[livingdead]

I like the beginning but you cant reveal everything in second para. Also as an author, you cant say talibans as scumbags. (you are not narrating in first person, otherwise it would have been ok)

 

[Darth Vader]

I like the beginning but you cant reveal everything in second para. Also as an author, you cant say talibans as scumbags. (you are not narrating in first person, otherwise it would have been ok)

hmm ok will keep that in mind yeah but its just starting Rizwan telling his superior that the target is under surveillance

 

[Norwegian]

Good beginning but as @hinduguy has suggested; don't reveal everything already in second paragraph. Not sure if its going to be long enough to be declared a criminal or investigative novel

 

[ranjeet]

Started off like some night escapades I had with my girl ... but then sawad ki maa bhen ek kar di !!!
Anyway good effort .. I wish it turns out to be true in real life ... those who are behind peshwar massacre deserve death nothing else.

 

[Darth Vader]

Started off like some night escapades I had with my girl ... but then sawad ki maa bhen ek kar di !!!
Anyway good effort .. I wish it turns out to be true in real life ... those who are behind peshwar massacre deserve death nothing else.

i will make sure Pakistan Army makes a nice torture room for these animals because they deserve it

 

[ranjeet]

i will make sure Pakistan Army makes a nice torture room for these animals because they deserve it

had it been up to me i would have chopped off all of their limbs and punctured their ear drums so they couldn't even hear their own cries.

 

[Pakistani shaheens]

Wow! you write so well bro! i really enjoyed reading all this and i hope it become true and all those terrorists who are playing with our lives becomes a part of history....

 

[Selous]

Use more formal language. If you do want to use expletives and slang then use it as direct speech (in quotation marks). Make effective use of direct and indirect speech. Take your time to develop the narrative.
Keep practicing, keep reading and most importantly don't give up.
I took the liberty of grammar checking your first paragraph. I hope you don't mind.

The night was cold and misty. At twenty past one a shadow was walking on the street, although there were plenty of houses around him, there was no signs of life on the street. The shadow was walking carefully, watching every step he was taking, so that he didn't make any noise so as not to attract the attention of the dogs yawing??? on the street. He was searching for something, suddenly he turned and came back to a small house, like he forgot something there. It was a small house with an iron door keeping the outside out. He knocked three times on the door after making sure no one was there watching him.

"Amjad" he whispered at door whilst knocking. A hand came out of the door and snatched him inside, dragging him over the bike standing right beside the door. If he hadn't been careful he would have fallen on the bike. But he stopped his feet moments before they hit the bike.

"What are you doing here Rizwan ?". "Have you seen what time it is ?". "It must be important, for you to have woken me at this hour".

"Sir it’s important, we got him finally". "We got him ?". Amjad was in shock, he couldn’t believe what his ears had just heard. "Are you sure we got him ?". "Yes sir", Rizwan replied, "we got him".

 

[Darth Vader]

@Selous Thanks so much

 

[ranjeet]

Use more formal language. If you do want to use expletives and slang then use it as direct speech (in quotation marks). Make effective use of direct and indirect speech. Take your time to develop the narrative.
Keep practicing, keep reading and most importantly don't give up.
I took the liberty of grammar checking your first paragraph. I hope you don't mind.

The night was cold and misty. At twenty past one a shadow was walking on the street, although there were plenty of houses around him, there was no signs of life on the street. The shadow was walking carefully watching every step he was taking so that he didn't make any noise so as not to attract the attention of the dogs yawing??? on the street. He was searching for something, suddenly he turned and came back to a small house, like he forgot something there. It was a small house with an iron door keeping the outside out. He knocked three times on the door after making sure no one was there watching him.

"Amjad" he whispered at door whilst knocking. A hand came out of the door and snatched him inside, dragging him over the bike standing right beside the door. If he hadn't been careful he would have fallen on the bike. But he stopped his feet moments before they hit the bike.

"What are you doing here Rizwan ?". "Have you seen what time it is ?". "It must be important, for you to have woken me at this hour".

"Sir it’s important, we got him finally". "We got him ?". Amjad was in shock, he couldn’t believe what his ears had just heard. "Are you sure we got him ?". "Yes sir", Rizwan replied, "we got him".

tu toh dil pe le gaya baat ko ... it was something he wrote from his heart ... appreciate his efforts

 

[Selous]

@Selous Thanks so much

You are most welcome.

 

[Darth Vader]

tu toh dil pe le gaya baat ko ... it was something he wrote from his heart ... appreciate his efforts

em always happy with someone pointing out something which i havent done properly so i can do it properly

 

[TankMan]

There are pretty many grammatical and spelling errors here, otherwise the piece is really good. I suppose this isn't intended to be an academic writing or anything, right? Because if it's just for fun, then most of the errors are acceptable. Still, i'll point out some of them.

There was no signs of life on street,

Should be 'There were no signs....''

There were tons of houses around him, There was no signs of life on street

Will be better this way: ''There were rows of houses around him and no signs of life on the street..'', or, even better ''There were no signs of life on the street; surrounded by rows of houses''

so he doesn’t make any noise so it doesn’t attract the dogs yawing on the street.

It'll sound a lot better if you replace it with ''So he doesn't make any noise and attract the dogs yawning....''

He was searching for something suddenly he turned and came back to a small house

''...something - suddenly, he turned and...'' (needs a break between the two sentences)

it was a small house he with iron door keeping the Outside out he knocked 3 times on the door but before knocking he made sure no one was their watching him.

''..small house with an iron door..''
''..out. He knocked... no one was there..''

What are you doing here Rizwan, have you seen what time is it, it must be important you woken me on this hour.

Sir It’s important, finally we got him. We got Him? Amjad was in shock he couldn’t believe what his ears just heard, we got him are you sure. Yes sir Rizwan replied we got him.

Needs some quotation marks and full stops etc, like this:
''What are you doing here Rizwan?'', ''Have you seen what time it is.... etc'', Amjad uttered
''Sir, It's important - finally, we got him'', Amjad said....
And so on.

their loved once

Should be ''Loved ones''

I know, I'm a

Otherwise the rest is good, but it's starting to seem way too straightforward for an Intelligence/Espionage story, maybe you should move some of the extra info (like the Afghan Intelligence bit) to a future paragraph, as in another officer reveals this later on.

Anyways, , keep writing, it's good.

 

[Selous]

tu toh dil pe le gaya baat ko ... it was something he wrote from his heart ... appreciate his efforts

yara I appreciated his effort...that is why I took the time to correct some grammar mistakes....hum to isko Tolkein banana chah te hain.