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Joke

Its the wife's birthday
Husband: honey im sorry i forgot your birthday.
Wife: ok well if you really love me you will bring me something that will go from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds.
The husband says ok.
The next day
Wife: where's my present.
husband: its in the driveway.
Wife is excited
She runs out there and looks at the driveway and finds a weight scale
 
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A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
 
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Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs 10. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them..

The man bought thousands at Rs 10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy at Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to Rs 25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at Rs 50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs 35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs 50."
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!

Welcome to the 'Stock Market'
 
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-Why would the fourth world war be fought with sticks and stones?
-Cause they're better than the weapons Israel sells the third world....
 
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-Why do Israelis use the American m-16 to fire rubber bullets at Palestinians and not their own tavor long barrel?
-Cause tavor is too rough for rubber bullets :lol:
 
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NOAH’S ARK 2013

In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Oregon and said: "Once again, the earth has become evil and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector About the need for a sprinkler system."
"My neighbors claim that I've violated the Neighborhood By-Laws by building the Ark in my back garden and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Local Planning Committee for a decision."
“Then the Local Council and the Electric Company demanded a boat load of money for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Barn Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the ASPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew."
"Immigration are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
“The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with ark-building experience."
"To make matters worse, the Internal Revenue Service seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. “The Government beat me to it."
 
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Joke..........
Suggest kid name............

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Nurse to kid:...
Lambi Sans lo,
or kuch mehsos karo ?
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Kid: 0k
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Nurse: What do u
feel now. ?

Kid:-
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Your body spray is amaZing..



(1) Musharraf (2) Me
 
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A Lady on telephone:
"Hello Sir, I want to meet & talk to you.."
Man: do u know me.. :buba_phone:
Lady: Yes you are the father of one of my kids. :-)

Man stunned,"Oh my God!Are u Sangeeta????":eek:
Lady: No :disagree:
Man: Are U Dhanashree ???
Lady: No
Man: Are u Nisha?
Lady: No
Man: Disha?
Lady: No
Man: Maitri?
Lady: No
Man :Anushka?
Lady: No
Man: Mitali?:eek:
Lady:No
Man:Vaishali? :eek:
Lady: No :disagree:
Lady in confusion...:blink:
"No sir i'm the class teacher of your son":angel:

Man: :hitwall:
 
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Monk: “I have achieved an incredible level of disattachment from myself—so much so that I only think of others, and never of myself.”

Nasrudin: “Well, I have reached a more advanced state than that.”

Monk: “How so?”

Nasrudin: “I am so objective that I can actually look at another person as if he were me, and by doing so, I can think of myself!“

One day, Nasrudin’s wife told him, “Let’s buy a cow so that we can have milk every day.

Nasrudin replied, “We don’t have enough space in our yard for my donkey and a new cow.”

But despite Nasrudin’s objection, his wife persisted until he finally gave in.

So he bought the cow—and just he predicted, it crowded his beloved donkey in the barn. This prompted Nasrudin to start praying one night, saying, “Dear God, please kill the cow, so my wife can’t bother me about it anymore, and so my donkey can live in peace.”

The next day, Nasrudin went into the barn and was dismayed to discover that his donkey was dead! He looked up and said, “God, I don’t mean to offend you or anything, but let me ask you this—after all these years, do you mean to tell me that you still can’t tell the difference between a cow and a donkey?”
 
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Nasrudin got lost in the jungle one day, and as the hours passed and nighttime approached, he still hadn’t managed to find his way out.

Tired, hungry, and alarmed, Nasrudin knelt to the ground and began praying: “Dear God. Please help me find my way out here. If you do, I promise to pray regularly and be more religious. I give you my word.”

As he prayed, a bird passed over him and dropped some shit right on his head.

“God,” said Nasrudin, “please don’t give me any of that right now-I am seriously lost!“
 
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377766_269871976447065_1803869898_n.jpg
 
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