In a weird sorta awful situation

[MastanKhan]

Birth/star signs?

We are not from amongst those who look to the stars for guidance. Islam has forbidden us from this malpractice because the fire worshippers used to do this.

Hi,

Suddenly every friggin pakistani claims sainthood of being a muslim---even though the most perverse and corrupt nation claiming islam as its guiding light---.

 

[ali_raza]

Hi,

Suddenly every friggin pakistani claims sainthood of being a muslim---even though the most perverse and corrupt nation claiming islam as its guiding light---.

the biggest cliche of all is islamic republic of pakistan

 

[MastanKhan]

There is a lot of generation gap between some parents and their kids. It is more of the job of parents to stay abreast with the changing world to keep up with their kids also it is important for keeping any eye on them.

Hi,

Majority of pakistani mothers don't take a stand for their children---they stand with their husband---.

Opposite to that are Latinas---you dare not challenge their kids---they will stand up for their kids----boy---will they stand up---.

@OsmanAli98

So---where is your mother in all this---. Did I miss here somewhere in the conversation---.

 

[war&peace]

Hi,

Majority of pakistani mothers don't take a stand for their children---they stand with their husband---.

Opposite to that are Latinas---you dare not challenge their kids---they will stand up for their kids----boy---will they stand up---.

I think on the whole the strategy of Pakistani mothers is right. It keeps children in check. But my mom took a stand for me on the issue of shifting to the university/campus dorms from my Chacha's house against my father's will. The only significant thing for her was to know the factual condition & get convinced.

 

[Śakra]

My father is 72 years old he is aching for Going back to the motherland,he feels I am useless,a failure and thinks I am bringing him down in ways i kinda did but the my problem is I don't know what exactly I want to do with my life plus my dad is pretty abusive he does love me as a son but I think he piles all his problems in his life on me

How old are you?

 

[Jaanbaz]

@OsmanAli98 Watch this video and let me know what you think. It might give you some insight into what you're dealing with, don't listen to ''wise men'' here telling you to tolerate abuse, even emotional abuse can cause long term damage to your emotional well being. Which might come to haunt you later down the life when you want to have your own family etc.

 

[Path-Finder]

Hi,I tend to refrain from going into personal details about myself but anyways I feel I have no other option to use so I will kindly ask for mature or sensible members for advice on the situation I am kinda in.As you I am 2nd gen kid in the US with a Pakistani dad,and for those who experienced this know the cultural difficulties some of us face here you see me and my father have a good and loving relationship but in a complicated way,I feel like my views and my dads views don't align and this can get into very nasty fights and arguements just today I got into a nasty fight during Ramadan and I think both of us broke our fast I feel he thinks I been failure to him,and is very abusive I try to restrain my anger but I can't when I am getting abused by him all the time I know in Islamic and in Pakistani culture you have to obey your parents but I don't like his mentality and I am wrong to fight him as well I will go more in detail but I need some help rn

it's nothing new, My old man and me NEVER got on, NEVER. Here is the thing when your old man was a young lad and the times he saw, lived through vs you and the times you live in now are a world apart. So many changes have taken place and I will say not for the best.

I used to disagree with my old man BUT as I start to get more grey hair I can see where he was coming from on many things. Alternatively he ain't right on everything.

How old are you now? If one day, in the future you start to agree with what your old is saying now. then his years on earth carry the weight of wisdom! BUT ultimately you are the master of your destiny because only up to a certain point you can give directions and guidance.

 

[Proudpakistaniguy]

Hi,I tend to refrain from going into personal details about myself but anyways I feel I have no other option to use so I will kindly ask for mature or sensible members for advice on the situation I am kinda in.As you I am 2nd gen kid in the US with a Pakistani dad,and for those who experienced this know the cultural difficulties some of us face here you see me and my father have a good and loving relationship but in a complicated way,I feel like my views and my dads views don't align and this can get into very nasty fights and arguements just today I got into a nasty fight during Ramadan and I think both of us broke our fast I feel he thinks I been failure to him,and is very abusive I try to restrain my anger but I can't when I am getting abused by him all the time I know in Islamic and in Pakistani culture you have to obey your parents but I don't like his mentality and I am wrong to fight him as well I will go more in detail but I need some help rn

How old are you? Btw its normal to get into arguments even though neither parent nor children like to involve themselves into argument. Parents think that they have more experience and children think differently from their parents due to generation gap. This creates a misunderstanding and leads to an argument. Trust and fear are the most common denominator that affect parents relationship with their children. There is saying "all elderly people are like kids during their old age" If I was in your place then I would sit with my dad and would ask him politely what are his issues and concerns about me? You can sort out differences without yelling and screaming at each others. When you are angry and disrespectful toward parent then they just look at your tone more than what what you are talking about

 

[Zee-shaun]

@OsmanAli98 ,I am too young to give you a piece of good advice. But I will certainly pray for you and your father.

Maybe you need a little break. Afterall faslay qurbatain paida karte hain.

Allah aapki mushkilein asaan kare, ameen.

 

[Proudpakistaniguy]

I don't have a father, he died long time ago. We didn't get along most of the time, after I got commissioned, things changed, our relationship became better, and then he passed away. You can't imagine how many times, I play in my head, why did I say this, why did he say that. He is gone, all I can do is pray for him, and do good deeds so his account keeps on adding up.

Your father is still alive, be humble, bite the bullet, don't loose him.

As per Sahih Hadith, 3 peoples dua's are accepted very fast:

1) A traveller
2) A "muzloom"
3) A father's dua for his childeren

Best Wishes, and May Allah help you and give you strength.

My perception toward parent got changed to great extent after I became parent . Losing argument to old parent is win win situation . If you response aggressiveness with aggressiveness then this will just add fuel to fire

 

[Zee-shaun]

Now I can't get it out of my head so I am thinking out loud for what its worth.

Growing up in the west isn't easy on either side. The parents in most of the cases make huge sacrifices to grant a better future for their children. Hence they have great expectations and become overprotective. It's not their fault. They don't know better and their intentions are good.

I am lucky to have very good relationship with them and the key is a simple promise I made when I moved to Europe to live with my uncle three years ago. My dad outlined the boundries that are never to be crossed: no sex, no drugs, no smoking, no drinking and good grades. In return he promised all the freedom, privacy and a very healthy allowence. So we both compromised and gained a lot of mutual respect and trust.

Try to find a balance with what your father wants and how far you can meet him. Compromise on stuff that matters to him to gain his respect. Even if its difficult to meet him half way give it a try. He's not getting any younger so don't waste your time fighting but try to engage him.

Have you considered counseling or involving a trustee/confidant?

 

[I.R.A]

His source of frustration appears to be his inability to finally retire, because of you. For a parent specially a father, the biggest worry remains what would happen to / become of them after me, I think you are still dependent on him, and that is for sure going to be frustrating for a 72 year old father. It is as simple as this, whether you earn a 1000 or 100K you need to make your father feel that you are independent who can take care of his own matters and he needs to retire ....... you need to earn his respect and confidence that he raised a strong family head. As long as you are living with him in his house (even if you are earning handsome) and looking to him, he won't respect you.

Plus this joint family thing isn't Islam, it actually is cultural "Hindu undivided family" thing.

 

[Mr.Cringeworth]

Hi,I tend to refrain from going into personal details about myself but anyways I feel I have no other option to use so I will kindly ask for mature or sensible members for advice on the situation I am kinda in.As you I am 2nd gen kid in the US with a Pakistani dad,and for those who experienced this know the cultural difficulties some of us face here you see me and my father have a good and loving relationship but in a complicated way,I feel like my views and my dads views don't align and this can get into very nasty fights and arguements just today I got into a nasty fight during Ramadan and I think both of us broke our fast I feel he thinks I been failure to him,and is very abusive I try to restrain my anger but I can't when I am getting abused by him all the time I know in Islamic and in Pakistani culture you have to obey your parents but I don't like his mentality and I am wrong to fight him as well I will go more in detail but I need some help rn

If tour dad is abusing you on every small thing or is always nagging and disapproving of you it's not a pakistani or islamic thing, its just him!

You need to confront him and make him realise this is wrong and it's not normal he does not have any right to treat you like that. Most of the times when parents are abusive towards their children is because they don't know any better, they're raised that way and they are led to believe that this is normal.
In my experience no matter what you do parents like these never change but you have to try for your own sake. Have you tried talking to a therapist they can really explain to you why he might be this way and how to deal with him.

BTW just a friendly advice if you're over 18 move out for your own sanity if he doesn't change.

 

[Well.wisher]

 

[thunderkaka]