Here’s why People in Pakistan Stay in Loveless Marriages

[Zibago]

Too much sas/bahu non sense create that negative impact in the minds of young girls before their marriage.

They actually teach stay married no matter what which is not a healthy thing to promote if you ask me

I have stopped watching Indian non sense decades ago and I ensure none of my kids even know what Bollywood is.

Nor do it but i sadly did in the past

liberalism/freedom aka nakedness and now causing all sorts of crap in their society with rape issue as a glaring example.

Ah no it existed in Pakistan before we just like to blame westernization for our social ills

Our Pakistani culture is based on modesty and decency, at least the one I remember growing up. And through this culture our parents , grand parents and ones before them, keep their marriages and family values intact.

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to witness @I.R.A

 

[Darth Vader]

I’m not saying arranged Marriages are bad. They’re also successful- it only goes ahead with approval of the individual however families should allow and give them time to get to know each other. There shouldn’t be a pressure.

I also disagree that love Marriages are based on the points you mentioned because those are what mostly arranged Marriages look into. A girl whose pretty comfortable in life would probably downgrade her lifestyle for the sake of love. Or two people who genuinely like and care for each other despite status differences.

If you read the 1st part i clearly said majority of which is true

 

[Taimoor Khan]

They actually teach stay married no matter what which is not a healthy thing to promote if you ask me

No they promote mother in law as an evil entity.

Ah no it existed in Pakistan before we just like to blame westernization for our social ills

Not to the extent as in western and Indian culture.

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to witness @I.R.A

That's why I said, pull the plug on Indian non sense in our country so brain is not effected and pre programmed.

 

[Zibago]

No they promote mother in law as an evil entity.

Not always when the main female character is shown as an aged woman she is again portrayed as a victim with evil daughter in laws

Not to the extent as in western and Indian culture.

Wish i could agree but cant as i live here

That's why I said, pull the plug on Indian non sense in our country so brain is not effected and pre programmed.

Wont work trust me and no people are not so masoom that their behaviours are being affected by Indian movies it also includes to a large degree the environment inside this country

 

[Taimoor Khan]

Not always when the main female character is shown as an aged woman she is again portrayed as a victim with evil daughter in laws

That's what I am saying, the relationship between daughter and mother in law is portrayed as negative. So when you are feeding your young girls at their early years about this, when they get married, in the sub conscious, they will always have these preconceived ideas. Same goes for the mother in law.

Wish i could agree but cant as i live here

I have lived in both. Take my words for it.

Wont work trust me and no people are not so masoom that their behaviours are being affected by Indian movies it also includes to a large degree the environment inside this country

Media plays the big part in mentally conditioning the society either on right or wrong path.

 

[Zibago]

That's what I am saying, the relationship between daughter and mother in law is portrayed as negative. So when you are feeding your young girls at their early years about this, when they get married, in the sub conscious, they will always have these preconceived ideas. Same goes for the mother in law.

Well actually nowadays most watch Pakistani dramas which have more realistic topics

I have lived in both. Take my words for it.

Wish i could but my experiences get in the way

Media plays the big part in mentally conditioning the society either on right or wrong path.

Media shows what people want you can look up at youtube to findout what they watch unless you find way to control desires your policy will not succeed

 

[Taimoor Khan]

Media shows what people want you can look up at youtube to findout what they watch unless you find way to control desires your policy will not succeed

Media portrays the narrative of the vested interests, who eventually control media. Why do you think most of the US so called AID went to information warfare/media in Pakistan? Just look at how American people are controlled through their media and the narrative is build.

 

[Zibago]

Media portrays the narrative of the vested interests, who eventually control media. Why do you think most of the US so called AID went to information warfare/media in Pakistan? Just look at how American people are controlled through their media and the narrative is build.

You are confusing multiple things here think with a cool mind on what media shows and what people want to see?
Media shows what sells among the masses and i dont buy into the conspiracy of media trends being drive by USAID

 

[TheLahoriGuy]

Bimbo, YOU started the personal attacks in your reply to me FIRST. When I responded, you come back with this cliche' bs line of "ohhh personal attacks? It's getting to youuu!!""....loool, go back to kitchen baji. Internet isn't for girly hearts like you.





That shows how utterly clueless you are about Pakistan and Pakistan's pop culture even.

Sweety pie, the article you posted is from Parhlo....they (along with MangoBaaz) are well-known social media outlets that cater to the paritcular ultra-westoxified burger bachays of Pakistan and especially foreign-Pakistanis. Their websites openly say that. Hell, overwhelming majority of their content contributors are American/English born and raised Pakistanis (by name)! Their content is probably related to 2% Pakistani youth (most of them study abroad and are from there, that is lol!).

Their content is as relatable to Pakistan as Cosmopolitan's content is to Iran. One of these pages even ran campaign about how gay-marriage should be legal in Pakistan

Go to any street in Pakistan...even in Lahore, Karachi wherever...and ask normal people what they think of this proposition? That's how irrelevant these "Pakistani" pages are that you post so admirably.



Lol, how insecure one has to be to ask for validation like that? "Hey hey, I am EUROPEAN!! I DEFEND Europeans when need be!!!"....LMFAOOO!!!

Hey coconut wanna be, you are not European. You are and always be seen as a minority, not the mainstream...but a non-significant minority. You have no country of your own. Not Pakistan, nor UK. I know life must be hard...



Sweety, YOU engaged me and my post that was not even directed to you. If your little girly brain gets so affected by my "offensive" response (awwww, did I hurt you, doll?)---then you can stop responding here with your skank threads about nothing.

Piss off



LOL, you think we are all children here?

Nobody thought of 24/7 romance or lack thereof when we talked about loveless marriage and criticized the dumb article you posted.

Have you ever been in a relationship (one night stands and fu*k affairs not counted)? No matter how genuinely you do care for your partner and see them as your friend and have empathy for them---conflicts do arise, love does gets lost in between sometimes, and times of struggle do hit where your relationship/marriage does become 'loveless' (atleast for a time period)

That's why I stated above that marriage (or any long term relationship) requires self-sacrifice, effort, persistence, and so on. Only cowards or extremely selfish people will leave their 'loveless' marriages/relationships when sh*t hits the fan.

Anyways...may be I'm just being harsh on you for no reason

"Ultra westofied".......
Whatever you say manchild who has the flag of the US in his bio.

 

[Desert Fox]

Na mate, I don't do this emoji sh|t, it below my level.


Now, coming to main issue, the reason I mentioned the Bollywood and Indian channels, they try to create a parallel universe in the minds of young lot. Away from ground realities and day to day issues. And when these young lot enter into marriages, confronted with real life issues, that's when sh|t hits the fan.

Honestly this is the paradox of South Asian societies.

We sing and dance about love in majority of our films and movies yet the amount of domestic violence and abuse in our societies is perhaps unparalleled .

 

[TheLahoriGuy]

Lmao @ the people blaming Indian dramas. Its cancer anyway. If you consider that to be an actual depiction of how life should be then forget divorce because you death coming for you (except this time the director isn't going to revive you as per audience demand).

 

[Valar.]

Good post.

 

[Desert Fox]

You’ve seen one, heard of one or been in one: A Loveless marriage. A true fact is many people see marriages as only a living arrangement, a communal bond between families or something limited to a certificate with all feelings of love and companionship on the side. In Islam, spouses are meant to love each other for Allah’s sake, be grateful for each other, be the coolness of one’s eyes and communicate just like best friends. While this all sounds great, the question remains of why people stay in loveless/unhappy marriages and is it worth it to stay if you are in one?

The number one and most common reason for parents to stay put in unhappy marriages are their children, sacrificing their own happiness for the sake of giving their offsprings a stable environment to grow in. This is the noblest and logical reason to stay in an unhappy marriage and no blame is given to the parents for wanting to stay together for their kids. However, a lot of people fail to realize is growing up with such parents often leads their children growing up with difficulty being in trusting relationships, taking rejection extremely hard and having major self-worth issues.

It’s no secret women are usually pressured into marriages, and it’s the same pressure on them which makes them stay. The concept of divorce is still a taboo in Pakistan, seen as a failure and met with gasps and judgmental eyes. Sometimes, it might be easier to stay in an unhappy marriage than to have to deal with society’s entire gaze once you are out of one.

Even if you are not completely dependent on your spouse for your finances, it is not easy to go from a two to one income household and give up many of the luxuries that come with a marriage.

If people are in a loveless marriage, chances are the two don’t know how to communicate about small things let alone have serious talks about separation or divorce. This leads to them living their separate lives under the same roof.

Once someone gets married their life becomes more concentrated on fulfilling responsibilities and whether love exists is not a priority. This is upsetting as while a child may suffer from having separated parents it is equally if not more emotionally damaging to have parents who don’t seem to care about each other and barely communicate.

Many spouses can’t imagine what their life would be like outside of marriage, what they would do or what kind of person they would be. The fear of the unknown coupled with hopes of things getting better leads to them staying put. In addition, many women have been conditioned to believe marriage has only a one-way entry with no way out and have no confidence on how to face the world on their own.

Bottom line is things need to change. Marriages should be about mutual love and respect, and whether two people want to stay together is obviously their own business, it is important to not only think of others but also themselves. Who is a person outside a marriage and without being buried with the responsibilities that come along with it? How is a loveless marriage better for your children than separation in the long run? These are questions one should be asking if they find themselves in a marriage devoid of any emotion.

Yes, society is progressing and slowly more people are dropping out or marriages when it’s not worth it but many still don’t have support from their families and the rest of society. If someone is in an unhappy marriage the first thing to be done accept it and then see what can be done to fix it, as marriage should be a beautiful and sacred bond between two people. Hopefully recognizing some of the reasons people stay in loveless marriages can help see what can be done to end the cycle.


Source: https://pink.parhlo.com/pakistani-p...arriages/#utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Pink

The problem with "loveless" marriages is that they should not happen to begin with. They happen because of wrong reasons like pressure from the family (in the case of arranged marriages) or due to bad judgement on the part of the two lovers (in the case of "love" marriages).

Marriage is not a game. You don't just marry someone based on your current emotions and then ask for a divorce when you feel down for whatever reason.

In the West marriages, if they do happen, are love marriages and 90% of them end in divorce.

Marriages where the parents are involved in the process of spouse selection work out the best and have higher chance of lasting.

 

[war&peace]

My Grandparents had a love Marriage and so did my Parents, they’re happy MA. I’ve seen people in relations they weren’t keen on and live an empty life - it is so sad. May it be easy for all Amen.

My grand parents most probably got married through family arrangement and they lead a very happy life and grandma was really sad after my grandfather departed. She left us to join him within a year. My parents knew each other but still it was an arranged marriage, they respected and loved each other and my father doesn't want to leave our native town which is the final resting place of my mom.

Now in our generation, my brother got married to his classmate and we all approved it. I also knew my fiancee / wife for past 9-10 months and when interest was expressed, we involved our parents and it got arranged by our parents and engagement / nikkah was done with their blessings and involvement and they are happier than us. So there is no hard and fast rule whether it has to be totally arranged, arrange / love or totally love as long as some basic principles are followed i.e. it has blessings of the parents and no moral or religious limits have been crossed.

Perhaps it has to do with the educational background of the family as the median of education in my immediate and extended family is a university degree and still we are conservative and stick to our family / religious traditions.

 

[Verve]

@el Sid ??

Marriage ... Aah the biggest test for a man! Be it love, arranged or semi-arranged or whatever other types there are!

Enough said!