Stupid and funny from all over the world - II

[Filmmaker]

Top 10: Funny Google Suggestions

Queries too politically incorrect or too plain dumb to raise over dinner with friends are nowadays “Googled”. Why chinese people eat babies? Why you can’t own a canadian? With the Google search suggestion feature we can get a hint of the things people are searching for an explanation to. Before search engines people simply didn’t share their worst fears or weird habits. Now however the most ridiculous and irrational can be understood and explained online. Here are ten hilarious and strange Google search suggestions

 

[Filmmaker]

 

[Filmmaker]

Optical-illusion-that-works-only-for-men

WTF

 

[Filmmaker]

---------- Post added at 08:39 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:36 AM ----------

 

[VelocuR]

Feb 2012

World's Corruption Presidents.

Karzai: Shhhh, hehehe

Zardari: Shhhh, hehehe

(exchanged money)

 

[Filmmaker]

 

[Jango]

---------- Post added at 08:18 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:18 AM ----------

I have done all of these

done all of these mate!!!

 

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What Your Email Address Says About You

Here’s what your e-mail address says about your computer skills:

Own domain (e.g., @joesmith.com): You’re skilled and capable.

@ Gmail.com:When the Internet stops working, you actually try rebooting the router before calling a family member for help.

@ hotmail.com:You still think that Myspace is hip.

@ yahoo.com:You send e-mail chain letters saying that Bill Gates will eat your hard drive unless you forward this message to everyone you know.

@ aol.com: You phone friends to tell them about a neat website, then say into the receiver, “OK, go to … h … t … t … p … colon … slash … w … w … w … dot …”

 

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Drinking Buddies
Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his barstool and lies motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Fred," his buddy says to the bartender. "He knows when to stop."


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Topless Bar
Having grown up in a small Alabama town, my friend James couldn’t wait to tell us all about life in California, where he was stationed.
"The malls are massive, and the restaurants are great," he said. Then he grinned. "I even went to a topless bar."
"Really?" said his mother, surprised.
"What do they do if it starts to rain?"

 

[JonAsad]

 

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Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"

Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.

---------- Post added at 03:43 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:40 PM ----------

This letter was sent to the School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you.

Dear Lions Bay School,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to **** off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.

Sincerely,


Edna


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A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:
'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry:
'9.'

Principal:
'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry:
'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands .'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry:
'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

 

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A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fcking look like it?"

 

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On hearing that her elderly grandfather had died, Jenny went straight to visit her grandmother. When she asked how her grandpa had died, her grandma explained, not holding back anything of course, "He had a heart attack during sex, Sunday morning!" Horrified, Jenny suggested that screwing at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble! "Oh no," her grandma replied. "We had sex every Sunday morning in time with the church bells!" "In with the dings, out with the dongs!" She paused to wipe away a tear, "If it wasn't for that damn Ice Cream Truck, he'd still be alive!!!"

 

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