No country for single women

[Hermione]

Not a good strategy at all.

Things can go from good to bad in a flash.
You need somebody who will stick with you if you lose your job or things go bad.

Arguments about money lead to divorce. You need a friend who doesn't care about your money.

That is an idealist view, but we do not live in an ideal world. Most divorces happen over money matters. So a guy having a house is like an insurance policy.

Where are those marriages which happen purely for love? Most in the West happen because a man or a woman looks hot or something like that. Then other marriages happen because the guy is rich. Ordinary good guys and ordinary good gals without money or looks to brag about end up being on the shelf termed as boring people.

 

[Dillinger]

That is an idealist view, but we do not live in an ideal world. Most divorces happen over money matters. So a guy having a house is like an insurance policy.

Where are those marriages which happen purely for love? Most in the West happen because a man or a woman looks hot or something like that. Then other marriages happen because the guy is rich. Ordinary good guys and ordinary good gals without money or looks to brag about end up being on the shelf termed as boring people.

Awful cynical of you, what of the dream weddings and true love?

No but it is true, marriage is a pragmatic arrangement, a partner to trust and build a life with. And as life is unavoidably complex so is the attempt to define a prefect marriage equally difficult. For the generic sheeple it does keep things tidy, emotions and the psyche intact and life less unpredictable for others perhaps it is a true coming together of kindred souls. Still don't see the fuss about single women having it hard in India only, single folks have it hard everywhere. Forget unmarried folks no one has it easy unless one finds a way to carve out a place in the order that exists. For example I doubt that a single mother or father has it easy in any corner of the world unless they truly are well to do in financial terms, in case they are indeed well off then things are easier everywhere including in our blessed land.

 

[Hermione]

It is a cause for much consternation for my brother. Poor soul often asks me why he cannot simply do as I do, and I pat him on the head and remind him that there is no parity between him and me as there is none between me and those who populate his world.

I see. He is yet to gain wisdom and full knowledge of your greatness. Silly boy until then he will keep trying.

Awful cynical of you, what of the dream weddings and true love?

No but it is true, marriage is a pragmatic arrangement, a partner to trust and build a life with. And as life is unavoidably complex so is the attempt to define a prefect marriage equally difficult. For the generic sheeple it does keep things tidy, emotions and the psyche intact and life less unpredictable for others perhaps it is a true coming together of kindred souls. Still don't see the fuss about single women having it hard in India only, single folks have it hard everywhere. Forget unmarried folks no one has it easy unless one finds a way to carve out a place in the order that exists. For example I doubt that a single mother or father has it easy in any corner of the world unless they truly are well to do in financial terms, in case they are indeed well off then things are easier everywhere including in our blessed land.

Agree with all your points. Except for the dream weddings and true love. What I have seen is people grow comfortable with each other and perhaps even truly fall in love after getting married in the Indian context. In the Western context, I do not believe it is truly love marriage. You cannot have "coming together of kindred souls" after say being through half a dozen other partners.

 

[Genesis]

That is an idealist view, but we do not live in an ideal world. Most divorces happen over money matters. So a guy having a house is like an insurance policy.

Where are those marriages which happen purely for love? Most in the West happen because a man or a woman looks hot or something like that. Then other marriages happen because the guy is rich. Ordinary good guys and ordinary good gals without money or looks to brag about end up being on the shelf termed as boring people.

Chinese marriages, house, car, savings. Job is implied. 1000 sq.ft in apartment, depending on where you are, Shanghai, a modest location would set you back no less than 2-3 million yuan, so 400,000 to 500,000 thousand dollars, as you go out a apartment of this size is still about 200,000 thousand US dollars.. 100,000 yuan car, so about 20,000 US give or take, and about 100,000 yuan savings.

I think the savings thing increased a little more lol. BTW, a wedding also cost about 20,000 USD give or take.

What are Indian mother in law's requirements for a man? lol

 

[Hermione]

Chinese marriages, house, car, savings. Job is implied. 1000 sq.ft in apartment, depending on where you are, Shanghai, a modest location would set you back no less than 2-3 million yuan, so 400,000 to 500,000 thousand dollars, as you go out a apartment of this size is still about 200,000 thousand US dollars.. 100,000 yuan car, so about 20,000 US give or take, and about 100,000 yuan savings.

I think the savings thing increased a little more lol. BTW, a wedding also cost about 20,000 USD give or take.

What are Indian mother in law's requirements for a man? lol

Wow those are impossible expectations. So what do Chinese men who are not millionaires or have at least half a million worth property to their name do?

Indian expectations are a bit modest in comparison I think. A good job and good educational qualification with a honorable family background.

 

[faithfulguy]

Marriage reminds me, when my nani found out that I had started dating in class 8th she asked me if I was bent on marrying the girl I was dating eventually, for her that was the only logical and acceptable conclusion, when I started laughing uncontrollably and showed no signs of stopping my mother intervened by giving me a tight one on the face since it was perceived as disrespectful towards "mammam" (its a Bengali thing, the term that is). Later on my mom looked me dead in the eye and proclaimed, you're not marrying anyone but a Bengali son, mark my words, best keep that in mind while you fritter about. This coming from a woman who taught me that we must choose for ourselves even if it be contrary to the values and faith we inherit from our parents, even if it is contrary to what is deemed square, but it seems her aspirations as a mother trumped all her beliefs on the matter of free choice.

Thanks for sharing your story. My parents become more open minded after I was still single by 30. I married a white girl as a Chinese American at 32. We are still happily married.

Wow those are impossible expectations. So what do Chinese men who are not millionaires or have at least half a million worth property to their name do?

Indian expectations are a bit modest in comparison I think. A good job and good educational qualification with a honorable family background.

Is the honorable family background another word for "the right caste"?

 

[Hermione]

Thanks for sharing your story. My parents become more open minded after I was still single by 30. I married a white girl as a Chinese American at 32. We are still happily married.



Is the honorable family background another word for "the right caste"?

Nah even within caste they will see if they are a trouble making family or have some unsavory legal background to them. The usual, one does not want to marry into a uncivil family.

 

[Ayush]

There won't be any kids, bihari or otherwise. I have zilch tolerance for snot, crying and wailing. Its likely I'd toss the critter down the stairs if it did not obey when asked to cease and desist wrt all the wailing. No, the honor of continuing the proud line of Biharis falls upon you.

common dont lie.
i know i am gonna be the chacha of atleast 2 bihari kids sooner or later

 

[Dillinger]

common dont lie.
i know i am gonna be the chacha of atleast 2 bihari kids sooner or later

Nope, I get to be the chacha. You get to change the diapers.

@Hermione Sure you can find a kindred soul even after rummaging through a dozen or so less satisfactory people..or perhaps you just find someone you can settle for..or you give up. There isn't any exact formula for it. Human relations and interactions are obviously complex and thus many outcomes are possible.

Thanks for sharing your story. My parents become more open minded after I was still single by 30. I married a white girl as a Chinese American at 32. We are still happily married.



Is the honorable family background another word for "the right caste"?

She was just yanking my chain. My mother has done an admirable job of tolerating my promiscuous proclivities.

As for caste, well there are indeed many people who are obsessed with it wrt marriage. If you're asking in my context, its irrelevant, we left such atavistic notions behind us long back.

 

[Hermione]

Nope, I get to be the chacha. You get to change the diapers.

@Hermione Sure you can find a kindred soul even after rummaging through a dozen or so less satisfactory people..or perhaps you just find someone you can settle for..or you give up. There isn't any exact formula for it. Human relations and interactions are obviously complex and thus many outcomes are possible.

Doubt it Dillinger. The mystery is gone. The sense of wonderment is gone. It just feels more of the same, bla bla bla, after you rummage through a few. Skepticism sets in. After a point people are not so different you know.

 

[Dillinger]

Doubt it Dillinger. The mystery is gone. The sense of wonderment is gone. It just feels more of the same, bla bla bla, after you rummage through a few. Skepticism sets in. After a point people are not so different you know.

You mean you get jaded after all that, that can happen. But as I said, there is no one size fits all here.

 

[Hermione]

You mean you get jaded after all that, that can happen. But as I said, there is no one size fits all here.

That is what happens. Unless one comes across such a dazzling specimen of human being that bowls one all over again. Does not happen in real life and especially not when one is honest to oneself. How many times can you say "I can die for you?"

You mean you get jaded after all that, that can happen. But as I said, there is no one size fits all here.

Did you see Roman Polanski's Bitter Moon. I just love that movie.

 

[halupridol]

Doubt it Dillinger. The mystery is gone. The sense of wonderment is gone. It just feels more of the same, bla bla bla, after you rummage through a few. Skepticism sets in. After a point people are not so different you know.

hey...what up with u??
baccho ko kyu dara rahi ho???


btw how do u know all this stuff??

 

[Hermione]

hey...what up with u??
baccho ko kyu dara rahi ho???


btw how do u know all this stuff??

Knowledge of some psychology and an understanding of human nature. That is how and also a very bad relationship.

 

[wolfschanzze]

Yeah had read about it. Chinese women are smart.

They are not that smart, but materialistic.They are urged to get married before they reach 28 otherwise they risk being branded as "Leftover,or the other woman".Whom nobody wants to marry and they in most cases remain as such for the rest of their life or end up being Lesbian or worse being someones mistress.
House is important as you cannot own land, all land belongs to government and you buy villa or condo, you have permission to do whatever you want till 100 years after 100 years.It is demolished and you have to rebuy your property in the same place or somewhere else.
so, having a home is important.

I read here they there were hiring boyfriends to show to their parents.
When asked around they too had arranged marriage thing but that was gone due to cultural revolution only the top /business families follow that tradition of arranged marriage.