No country for single women

[livingdead]

For many young people, India is a land of opportunity. Male or female, if you're well educated and resourceful there's the chance of a well-paid career. Just one problem, says Suruchi Sharma - if you're a woman, you must marry by your mid-20s.

"Single? Why, what's your age?"

"28"

"Okay, that's too bad. How are you managing it? Couldn't find anyone?"

Welcome to the conversation that a single woman in India, in her late 20s, faces almost all the time. Yes, it's a big deal if you're 28 and unmarried. You're looked upon as a big failure. I am serious.

I live in Mumbai, the biggest metro city in India. I belong to a typical urban middle-class family. My life is the same as that of many young women who move away from home and pursue their dream of an independent life.
How does it feel to be living in the city on my own? It's awesome! I'm independent with a lifestyle I used to dream of. Indian women are getting the chance to grow, to prove their worth and shine. We struggle with gender bias at every step of the ladder, but we find a way out and advance.

But there is one pressure that just refuses to leave us alone, a question that follows us everywhere: "What are your marriage plans?" In India, a girl's identity revolves around her marriage. As children, we are all raised to understand that we must end up with the right partner, and must go to a nice family as a daughter-in-law.

Even today, arranged marriage is normal in India. Parents find you a suitable match and you get married. In some cases the bride and groom don't have a say. In some cases they get to meet once or twice. In a few cases, they can take time to get to know each other and decide. In all cases, you are a part of a tradition where you have to try to like someone.
Everything we learn is taught to us bearing in mind our future role as a wife and daughter-in-law. We learn how to cook, how to do household chores, to behave ourselves and maintain the right image. The moment the "image" part gets problematic, our prospects of getting decent grooms are affected.

If you look at any matrimonial website (a common trend in India these days) you will find the terms "family-oriented", "homely", "not too much into career" - these are the qualities in a bride people most often look for.

Everyone wants a wife who will be a home-maker first and a career woman second. Every family wants a daughter-in-law who will respect elders, and give up on her career the moment other more important things like her husband's transfer, children, and other emergencies pop up.
To be an ideal woman in a man's life, you must have the best education possible, a pretty face, and a sound career and yet be willing to put it all on the back burner.

The reason I am single is quite simple - I have yet to come across my Mr Right.

I might sound like a person who is against marriage. I am not. I love the idea of being married. I believe in this institution and I look forward to being married one day to the right guy. This is where the problem starts, with that phrase "the right guy".

................
rest here
BBC News - No country for single women

 

[Genesis]

This is completely unfair to a developing country, but leave it to BBC to make this claim. But it's articles like this that really shows the unprofessional and biased behavior. Control media, or stupid media, one or the other.


Women in China and India face this problem because these women do want to marry, eventually. Then there will be kids, maybe multiple. If just two kids with marriage, vacations, and the responsibility of a small children, that's a decade of not so productive work. There's always exception, but in nations of this fierce competition it's bound to happen.

A lot of women marry young, so that by the time they graduate university, with either bachelor or masters, they are more or less married maybe even have a child. Then they can go full force into the work place.

This is a discrimination, yes, but we must see it for what it is, it's not a bad person that would do this, it's a person with limited funding and options.

It's not fair, but neither is the world, it's affordable in developed countries more or less, though now days less so, in our countries, it's a huge burden, especially other qualified unemployed candidates are available.

 

[Ayush]

agree to some extent.
btw,nowadays many families(especially urban) look for working women.

 

[Dillinger]

agree to some extent.
btw,nowadays many families(especially urban) look for working women.

Marriage reminds me, when my nani found out that I had started dating in class 8th she asked me if I was bent on marrying the girl I was dating eventually, for her that was the only logical and acceptable conclusion, when I started laughing uncontrollably and showed no signs of stopping my mother intervened by giving me a tight one on the face since it was perceived as disrespectful towards "mammam" (its a Bengali thing, the term that is). Later on my mom looked me dead in the eye and proclaimed, you're not marrying anyone but a Bengali son, mark my words, best keep that in mind while you fritter about. This coming from a woman who taught me that we must choose for ourselves even if it be contrary to the values and faith we inherit from our parents, even if it is contrary to what is deemed square, but it seems her aspirations as a mother trumped all her beliefs on the matter of free choice.

 

[Hermione]

This is completely unfair to a developing country, but leave it to BBC to make this claim. But it's articles like this that really shows the unprofessional and biased behavior. Control media, or stupid media, one or the other.


Women in China and India face this problem because these women do want to marry, eventually. Then there will be kids, maybe multiple. If just two kids with marriage, vacations, and the responsibility of a small children, that's a decade of not so productive work. There's always exception, but in nations of this fierce competition it's bound to happen.

A lot of women marry young, so that by the time they graduate university, with either bachelor or masters, they are more or less married maybe even have a child. Then they can go full force into the work place.

This is a discrimination, yes, but we must see it for what it is, it's not a bad person that would do this, it's a person with limited funding and options.

It's not fair, but neither is the world, it's affordable in developed countries more or less, though now days less so, in our countries, it's a huge burden, especially other qualified unemployed candidates are available.

A lot of Indians have entirely hocked their common sense to Western sensibilities. So expect more Indian zombies to agree with the article.

Meanwhile the Westerns are not interested in marriage at all as shown by their dignified indifference to the bouquets thrown by the bride.

 

[Dillinger]

@Skull and Bones Going to make an honest woman out of anyone anytime soon?

 

[Hermione]

Marriage reminds me, when my nani found out that I had started dating in class 8th she asked me if I was bent on marrying the girl I was dating eventually, for her that was the only logical and acceptable conclusion, when I started laughing uncontrollably and showed no signs of stopping my mother intervened by giving me a tight one on the face since it was perceived as disrespectful towards "mammam" (its a Bengali thing, the term that is). Later on my mom looked me dead in the eye and proclaimed, you're not marrying anyone but a Bengali son, mark my words, best keep that in mind while you fritter about. This coming from a woman who taught me that we must choose for ourselves even if it be contrary to the values and faith we inherit from our parents, even if it is contrary to what is deemed square, but it seems her aspirations as a mother trumped all her beliefs on the matter of free choice.

All Indian moms are terrified of losing their sons to their daughter-in-laws. A Bengali bride in your mom's estimation would be more agreeable to negotiation and allow her to have at least some hold over her son.

 

[Skull and Bones]

A lot of Indians have entirely hocked their common sense to Western sensibilities. So expect more Indian zombies to agree with the article.

Meanwhile the Westerns are not interested in marriage at all as shown by their dignified indifference to the bouquets thrown by the bride.

Maybe i found a rare breed of westernized girl, Italian to be specific, but she's learning Bengali just to please my mother. If you're stereotyping your views to paint the whole western population in the same color, then, 'may your God bless you.'

For few, career comes first, as no one would want to be dependent on other for slightest of requirements. I do not want my wife to work, but at the same time i would not enforce it upon her.

 

[Hamartia Antidote]

A lot of Indians have entirely hocked their common sense to Western sensibilities. So expect more Indian zombies to agree with the article.

Meanwhile the Westerns are not interested in marriage at all as shown by their dignified indifference to the bouquets thrown by the bride.

I'm not sure if these pictures show anything in relation to people wanting to get married.

This isn't exactly enthusiasm about a bouquet toss...

 

[Hermione]

Maybe i found a rare breed of westernized girl, Italian to be specific, but she's learning Bengali just to please my mother. If you're stereotyping your views to paint the whole western population in the same color, then, 'may your God bless you.'

For few, career comes first, as no one would want to be dependent on other for slightest of requirements. I do not want my wife to work, but at the same time i would not enforce it upon her.

You mean unlike the article which is absolutely not trying to stereotype India. It is not even trying to shame Indian women's expectations of being married or even the societal expectation that people be happily married at a certain age.

I am very happy that you found the girl of your dreams and very glad to know that she has no expectation of marriage at all.

Agree some would want a career, but it is not true for a huge majority of girls. Not all girls and even boys are all that academically brilliant and not all want a 9-5 job. If it was not for money constraints at home, I suspect lot of women would like to stay at home and be a homemaker. Maybe men too.

I'm not sure if these pictures show anything in relation to people wanting to get married.

This isn't exactly enthusiasm about a bouquet toss...

It is an alien concept in Indian weddings. Obviously this wedding happened abroad and they were incorporating this Western tradition into their marriage. It would have been embarrassing for Indian girls actually to leap for the bouquet. That would be an open declaration of desperation to be married

 

[jandk]

Maybe i found a rare breed of westernized girl, Italian to be specific, but she's learning Bengali just to please my mother. If you're stereotyping your views to paint the whole western population in the same color, then, 'may your God bless you.'

For few, career comes first, as no one would want to be dependent on other for slightest of requirements. I do not want my wife to work, but at the same time i would not enforce it upon her.

Teach her hindi instead of bengali. At least it will be useful.

 

[wolfschanzze]

Thats because the clock is ticking for a woman, last chance is 33 or 35 to raise a family after 30's the risk of autism,down's syndrome increases significantly for a woman. 20's is the best age for raising healthy kids.It's another thing that in west men and women dont want to get married or have the moral responsibility to raise the kids they produce.

 

[Skull and Bones]

Teach her hindi instead of bengali. At least it will be useful.

We're not going to settle in India anyway, so what's the use?

 

[Ayush]

Marriage reminds me, when my nani found out that I had started dating in class 8th she asked me if I was bent on marrying the girl I was dating eventually, for her that was the only logical and acceptable conclusion, when I started laughing uncontrollably and showed no signs of stopping my mother intervened by giving me a tight one on the face since it was perceived as disrespectful towards "mammam" (its a Bengali thing, the term that is). Later on my mom looked me dead in the eye and proclaimed, you're not marrying anyone but a Bengali son, mark my words, best keep that in mind while you fritter about. This coming from a woman who taught me that we must choose for ourselves even if it be contrary to the values and faith we inherit from our parents, even if it is contrary to what is deemed square, but it seems her aspirations as a mother trumped all her beliefs on the matter of free choice.

and i thought u were gonna marry a bihari
btw,it doesnt matter,as u and your kids will always be bihari first,no matter what
thanks to the patriarchal society

 

[Hamartia Antidote]

It is an alien concept in Indian weddings. Obviously this wedding happened abroad and they were incorporating this Western tradition into their marriage. It would have been embarrassing for Indian girls actually to leap for the bouquet. That would be an open declaration of desperation to be married

It is simply a wedding game. Nothing more...and nothing less.
Whether 50 women dive for the bouquet or 50 women stand like statues it isn't a scientific way of measuring their marriage aspirations.