Joke

[mshoaib61]

Mr.Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."


The next day, Mrs.Sharma receives a telephone call from Electric Company because the electricity bill has not been paid. " Am I speaking to Mrs.Sharma ? " "Yes...... speaking"

guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"


"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the guy .

"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"



"Yes ........... We have a system of finding out who's overdue "



"GOD !!!!!!...... ... this is too much........ .."



"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"


"I know that ........ let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ..... he will speak to your company tomorrow "


That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Electric Company's office the next day morning.


"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.


"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Elecric Company , "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.."


"PAY you? and if I refuse?"


"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."


"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.


"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

 

[BlackenTheSky]

WHEN THE BOY WAS RETURNING AFTER HIS MARRIAGE…HE FOUND HIS WIFE HOLDING A SMALL PACKET..

THE BOY ASKED……..WHATS THERE IN THAT PACKET..

WIFE REPLIED…..DARLING THIS IS THE SECRET OF MY LIFE...PLS NEVER OPEN IT OR ASK ME ABOUT IT FURTHER….OTHERWISE OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE IN TROUBLE....

THE COUPLE SPENT THEIR DAYS HAPPILY……BUT THE BOY WAS VERY KEEN TO KNOW WHAT WAS THERE IN THAT SMALL PACKET……


AFTER SOME DAYS THE BOY AGAIN TOLD……DARLING AFTER MARRYING YOU , I GOT THE WOMAN OF MY DREAM…BUT TELL ME WHAT THAT PACKET IS…….IT WLL NEVER AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP… ..AS I LOVE U MORE THAN MY LIFE………………..BUT WIFE ONLY TOLD THAT I ALSO LOVE U MORE THAN MY LIFE….THATS WHY TELLING U NOT TO ASK ABOUT THAT……….

AFTER SOME DAYS WIFE WENT TO HER OWN HOUSE AND FORGOT TO TAKE HER PACKET………THEN THE BOY COULDN'T CONTROL HIMSELF….AND OPENED THAT PACKET…………


HE WAS SHOCKED TO OPEN THAT……..THERE WAS 30 RUPEES……AND 2 WHEAT GRAINS….IN THAT PACKET……THE BOY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS…AND HOW IT COULD AFFECT THEIR MARRIAGE LIFE……

THEN WHEN HIS WIFE RETURNED …..HE BURST INTO LAUGHTER…..AND TOLD …DARLING WHAT IS THIS……AND HOW IT COULD HAVE AFFECTED OUR RELATIONSHIP……..WHATEVER MAY BE……U HAVE TO TELL ME ABOUT THE SECRET…….


THE THE WIFE REPLIED…………

THAT'S NOT GOOD……………….ANY WAY…….IF U HAVE ALREADY FINALISED TO KNOW THE SECRET …..HERE IT…………

BEFORE MARRIAGE ..EACH TIME I HAD SEX WITH ANY GUY…I PUT A WHEAT GRAIN IN THAT PACKET TO REALISE THAT I HAVE DONE A MISTAKE……

THE BOY SAW THOSE TWO WHEAT GRAINS….AND AFTER WAITING FOR TWO MINUTES TOLD…..……….. ITS OK……EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKE …….

I STILL LOVE U BECAUSE U TOLD ME THE TRUTH…….. BUT WHAT IS THAT 30 RUPEES………… THE WIFE REPLIED…..THE BOY FAINTED…………

THE WIFE SAID……I HAVE SOLD 6 KG WHEAT AT A RATE RS 5 PER KG

 

[mshoaib61]

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.


The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.


The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. "




The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."


The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way.. "


The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.


The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,


"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

 

[mshoaib61]

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.


There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."


She sleepily replied,

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s#!t."

 

[BlackenTheSky]

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.


There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.


I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.

There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."


She sleepily replied,

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that s#!t."

 

[BlackenTheSky]

a king's wife had so much sexual apetite that she used to have it with all of his servants too.king came to know that,so oneday before going on a foreign tour,he fixed a blade in his wife's between legs while she was sleeping,after 2 days king returned and ordered all of his 4 servant to take off their pants,he was shocked to see three of his servants dic* were cut.but he was very happy to see the fourth one was fine,he asked him
'wats your name.?....but found his tongue cut

 

[BlackenTheSky]

Now everybody tell me what you would do if you were tha muslim man?

Unlike that muslim

 

[Hari]

 

[Hari]

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced
altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and
shouted, "Excuse me sir, can you help me? I promised a friend I would
meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering
approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41
degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

''You must be an engineer," said the lady balloonist.
"I am", replied the man. 'How did you know?'

''Well", answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is
technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your
information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been
much help to me at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more."

The man below responded, "You must be in Top Management."
''I am", replied the lady balloonist, "but, how did you know?''

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're
going. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you
expect people beneath you, to solve your problems."

 

[mshoaib61]

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says , "Dark in here."

The man says , "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No , thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK , how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."

In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says , "$500"

The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says , "Dark in here."
The priest says , "Don't start that **** again , you're in my closet now.

 

[mshoaib61]

Sales man : Sir, which shaving cream do u use ?

Customer : Kumar’s.

S.M : Which after shave do y use ?

C : Kumar’s.

S.M : Which tooth paste do u use ?

C : Kumar’s ?

S.M : Which shampoo do u use ?

C : Kumar’s.

S.M : Sir , what is this kumar’s is

It an international company ?

C : No, he is my room mate.

 

[white_pawn]

Husbands Performace
Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as a lover.

The first woman says, "My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."

The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kind of like that."

The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

 

[mshoaib61]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box ."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that, You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

 

[mshoaib61]

Sales Girl: sorry sir you can"t smoke here.

Customer: but I bought cigarate from this shop.

Sales Girl: we sell condom also

But it dosn"t mean you start f@king here.

 

[mshoaib61]

Har mard ki life dekho to



Without shadi SPIDERMAN



Shadi k time SUPERMAN



Shadi k bad GENTLEMAN



Or Biwi khubsurat ho to puri umar WATCHMAN