Joke

[Marshmallow]

 

[Son of Mountains]

hahahaha, sach kaha

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[A.Rafay]

Alot of people like this mental hospital, they are mental themselves lol

 

[Marshmallow]

Alot of people like this mental hospital, they are mental themselves lol

n u r one of them aint u?

 

[A.Rafay]

n u r one of them aint u?

No im not i occasionally see facebook, But i cant say that for you! you seem a little mental!

 

[Iggy]

One mind blowing interview

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I ...am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology.

Interviewer : BabanRao Dhole-Patil Inst it ute of Technology? I had never heard of this college before!
Candidate : Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission into it ..
What happened is – due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap&#8217 – “I can not invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said – “I will never waste so much of money on you&#8221. So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name – BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your engineering.
Candidate : Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know, these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it ? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot.. I think they should ban it .

Interviewer : Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.
Candidate : No, no… I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate : Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would complete it . In fact, when I flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer : Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’ education it self was so much of pain!!

Interviewer : Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you worked?
Candidate : Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platforms. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer : And which languages have you used?
Candidate : Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate : It is a common sense – C comes after B. So VC is a higher version than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up w it h a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it . But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer : What is your general project experience?
Candidate : My general experience about projects is – most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata Info Tech ltd. Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer : Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And very important – I know few words like – ‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hot fixes’, ‘SEI-CMM’, ‘quality’, ‘version control’, ‘deadlines’ , ‘Customer Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate : Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand..
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress Code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there are Olympics coming up in China in the current year, I don’t mind going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer : he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’ in the HRD of Infosys.

So Excellence is not the only thing Needed. Its the Unique Quality of a Person which can let anyone to Success. Work on Your own Field rather then following somebody else's Path

 

[fatman17]

One laugh per day is better than eating one apple a day....


A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink and the best woman ever. He got mineral water and Mother Teresa. . . . . . . . . . . .

There are three kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. The rest get married and wonder what happened! . . . . . . . . . . .

When asked in class; Why do women live a better, longer and a more peaceful life than men? A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because women don't have wives!" . . . . . . . . . . .

Husband to his wife: "Honey... I've invited a friend home for supper." Wife: "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"Husband: "I know all that." Wife: "Then why did you invite a friend home for supper?" Husband: "Because the poor fool is thinking of getting married!" . . . . . . . . . . .

 

[fatman17]

A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.
One is a retired golfer in his late-sixties and the other is a gorgeous brunette in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them,
"I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first".
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life."
He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there.

 

[S.U.R.B.]

@fatman17 Thank you sir,JazakAllah Khair!
Thanks for spreading the smiles.

 

[Gentelman]

 

[fatman17]

LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating.'

Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see the circus and I was 'fascinated.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but again I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny so many times before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

Johnny said, 'My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried.

 

[Gentelman]

 

[Gentelman]

A man goes on a 2-month business trip to
Europe and leaves his cat with his
brother. Three days before his return he
calls his brother.
Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He's Dead
Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean
He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you
think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving
in 3 days. You could of broke me to the
news easier. You could of told me today
that she got out of the house or
something. Then when I called before I
left you could of told me, Well, we found
her but she is up on the roof and we're
having trouble getting her down. Then
when I call you from the airport you
could of told me, The Fire Department
was there and scared her off the roof and
the cat died when it hit the ground.
Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that
was insensitive I won't let it happen
again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it.
Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're
having trouble getting her down.

A man and his wife were sitting in the
living room discussing a
“Living Will”
"Just so you know, I never want to live in
a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine
and fluids from a bottle. If that ever
happens, just pull the plug."
His wife got up, unplugged the TV and
threw out all the beer.

A couple, desperate to conceive a child,
went to their priest and asked him to
pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical
to Rome," he replied, "and while I'm
there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years
later, he went to the couple's house and
found the wife pregnant, busily attending
to two sets of twins. Elated, the priest
asked her where her husband was so that
he could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle
out" came the harried reply.