What's new

Joke

To: All Employees
Subj: Restroom Policy

In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective January 1, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of employees.

Under the policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip credit of twenty (20) trips. Restroom Trip credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of December, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Material Department. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive for the month of January. Employees should acquaint themselves with the station during that period.

If the employee's Restroom Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper toll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty (30) seconds after the alarm sounds the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the Distribution Center Bulletin Boards. Anyone's picture showing up three (3) times will be immediately terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your immediate supervisor. They have all received advance instruction.

Thank you and have a nice day,
The Boss
 
.
To: All Employees
Subj: Restroom Policy

In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective January 1, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of employees.

Under the policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip credit of twenty (20) trips. Restroom Trip credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of December, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Material Department. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive for the month of January. Employees should acquaint themselves with the station during that period.

If the employee's Restroom Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper toll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty (30) seconds after the alarm sounds the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the Distribution Center Bulletin Boards. Anyone's picture showing up three (3) times will be immediately terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your immediate supervisor. They have all received advance instruction.

Thank you and have a nice day,
The Boss

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So God asked him "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said He was going to make Adam a companion & it would be a woman.

He said "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she'll cook for you &
when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She'll always agree with every decision you make, won't nag you & will
always be the first to admit she's wrong when you've had a disagreement,
she'll praise you!

She'll bear your children...

...and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of
them.

Adam asked God "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied "An arm and a leg."

Adam asked "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course, the rest is history..........the result before us:cry:
 
. . .
its just a joke, its not meant to hurt anybody's feelings
just take it as a joke


In a cyberspace community, inhabiting different nationals who come from different religious backgrounds, try sharing jokes which hurt no one's feeling. Otherwise refrain from posting such jokes.

How will you be feeling if someone pounces at your religion and call it a joke afterwords?

May sanity prevails.
:pakistan:
 
.
Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.

Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.
 
.
It is originally in Russian, but it could be adapted to the Indian bureaucracy as well.
Igor and Sam died and were sentenced to hell. The devil summoned them and gave them the option of American or Russian hell. Both the hells will be a representation of their earthly countries, except that in the American hell, one has to eat a bucket of **** a day and in the Russian hell, its two buckets. Since both of them strongly identified with their culture and people, the Sam picked the American hell while Igor picked the Russian hell.

A week later both meet and ask each other how things are going. The American says, “It is exactly as the devil promised, life is just like in American except that eating a bucket of **** a day is killing me”. The Russia replies, “Oh well, the Russian hell is pretty much the same, it feels like home with lots of vodka, caviar and girls. The **** never arrives though – by the time everyone in the administration takes their cut, all I get are empty buckets.”
 
.
I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been seeing someone else. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my girlfriend. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from the local auto shop and try to repair it myself?
 
.
A very beautiful woman was walking on the roof of a building and she suddenly trips over something and falls down. On her way falling down, an American man catches her, she says : "Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll do ANYTHING for you..."
The man says: "Okay then, sleep with me."
She says : "You ######!! NEVER!!"
So he says "FINE!" and he drops her down.... So she's falling and screaming..........................
Suddenly a German man catches her in the air from his balcony, she says :"Oh thank you, you saved me, I'll do anything that you ask..."
The guy says : "Fraulein, sleep with me."
She replies: "Oh you nasty ######!!! NEVER!"
So the man says : "Fine!!!" and he also drops her down again.
She's falling and thinking that it was better if she slept with one of those men and now she's going to die.
Suddenly, a Muslim man catches the woman from his balcony, she says : "Oh thank you, you saved my life, I'll SLEEP with you!!"
The Muslim man replies : "Astaqfirulla'h!" and he drops her.

Credit to Awais
lmao lovin it!
 
.
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane
when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's
talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a
conversation with your fellow passenger.'


The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it
slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk
about?'


'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How
about nuclear power?' and he smiles.


'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting
topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer
all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes
little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do
you suppose that is?'


The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shyt


:lol: :lol:
 
. .
A guy suspected that his wife was cheating him. So he hired a Chinese detective... the cheapest one he could find.

This is his report:

Most honourable Sir,

You leave house. I watch house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she go hotel. I climb tree. I look window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fell off tree. I no see.

No fee

Cheng Lee
 
.
This Picture might look funny, But it really Works.... Believe Me It does

french_20sniper_small.jpg
 
. .

Country Latest Posts

Back
Top Bottom