Joke

[Sam Dhanraj]

Change your course now


This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on November 10, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 

[aryan2007]

Keeping in mind Pakistani love for Zionism.. and the excellent relationship b/w India and Pakistan

Disclaimer these jokes are funnier when you are not sober or have a wicked sense of humour

1. What did the bartender say when Osama Bin Laden, Narendra Modi, George Bush, Musharraf, and Ariel Sharon walked in?
""Is this a joke?""

2. what did the pakistani dog say to the indian dog??
woof-woof

3. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
One is an edible substance and the other is a person who believes in Judaism.

4.There's Osama, Bush, and Narendra Modi. They are all trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.

5. A Mullah and a Rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.

6. What do you call a jew with a spade in his head?
You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.

7. Indian : "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
Pakistani : "What a coincidence! I know him too."

8. Q: Why did Musharraf cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

9. Q: How is a chicken different from an Indian-Pakistani peace agreement?
A: One is a domestic fowl; the other is a treaty.

10. "Would you sleep with me for, oh, a billion dollars?"
"You don't have a billion dollars!"
"Just hypothetically."
"Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess I would."
"Would you sleep with me for ten dollars?"
"Of course not!! I'm not that kind of a person!"
"Oh! Sorry..."

11. A duck walks into an indian's drugstore and asks for some chapstick.
"Will that be cash or charge?" inquires the indian clerk, to which the duck replies "just put it on my ... tab".

12. This Indian dude walks into a bar with a chicken and an alligator.
The guy says to the bartender "I'll have a Scotch and soda." The alligator says "I'll have a Martini."
"That's amazing," says the bartender, "that alligator can talk!"
"Actually," says the indian dude, "I'm a ventriloquist."

13. Q: How many Pakistanis does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It shouldn't take more than one person to do this task, regardless of ethnicity

14. One day, little Frankie was outside when it started to rain. But the rain was different from the usual rain - this rain was a shiny green substance. Frankie laughed as it fell on him. He opened his mouth and caught it on his tongue. "I will call it 'grooby'!!" he said. Frankie captured a jarful and brought it to his elementary school to show everyone. His friends were jealous and asked what it is. Frankie proudly said "It's 'grooby'!" Later in class, Frankie's teacher saw it and asked him what it is. Frankie said "It's 'grooby'! I named it!" She laughed and went back to the chalkboard. Frankie took his jar of grooby to his science teacher. "Look at my jar of grooby, Mr. Harris!" Mr. Harris said, "Frankie, you shouldn't call it grooby - you should call it 'nuclear waste'. The nearby reactor had a leak causing nuclear acid rain". Frankie gasped. Mr. Harris asked, "Frankie, you didn't happen to drink any did you?" Frankie reluctantly nodded. Harris ended with, "Frankie, I'm afraid you're going to get cancer and die."

15. There's an Indian, a Pakistani and an Afghani sitting in a pub
what a prime example of an inter-racial community

16. Q: What do you get when you cross a bulldog with a Shi-Tzu.
A: A brand new breed of dog that is alert and obedient.

17. Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head."
His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed
head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."

18.q. Pakistani log kuttey ko ***** kyun bolte hai?
a. kyunki woh urdu bolte hai "BC".

 

[Sam Dhanraj]

Reward these soldiers for their work

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office. "Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!" General: "Very good son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"

Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"

General: "Even better son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"

Soldier 3: "The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!"

General: "That's a strange but fair request, son!

As the general begins the measurement: "What! Son, where is your left pinky?"

Soldier 3: "Falkland Island, sahr!"

 

[MOSABJA]

Once a suicide bomber went to blow himself up.When he got near the army convoy the bomb didnt went off but he fell unconscious due to fear.

he was rushed to hospital where nurses attended him.When he woke up he said to the nurses.

WHERE ARE THE REST OF HOORIS I WAS PROMISED 72.

 

[MOSABJA]

Once Musharraf was going on a car with his driver.A dog came on the way .Car collided with it and Its tire got puntured .The dog died at the spot.

Musharraf ordered his driver to bring a wheel from the near by market.

Driver went to the market and came back with tire.MUSHY noticed that DRIVER CAME BACK WITH FLOWER NECKLACES .Mushy asked him

"Where you have got this."

he said

"I SAID TO THE LOCAL PEOPLE I AM MUSHARRAF's DRIVER AND KUTAAY KA****(S***B) DIED and the LOCALS GAVE ME FLOWERS IN JOY.

 

[MOSABJA]

Talk about bridges.Pakistan has he longest bridge in the world.

Japanese built a bridge connecting 2 Islands.
Americans built a bridge connecting san francisco.

Pakistanis have built a bridge(northern by pass) that connects people to ALLAH.

 

[Proud to be Pakistani]

President George Bush visits Zimbabwe. The Zimbabwaen President Robert Mugabe shows bush around in a helicopter. Everytime they pass a building Bush looks down and says, "What an ugly building", or "What an eyesore", or "Whoever built that should get the capital punishment". Mugabe is ticked off, but keeps quiet.

A few months later Mugabe visits Washington DC. George Bush takes him around in a helicopter. Wherever Mugabe looks, he can only see beautiful buildings. Finally he sees a beaten down old joint and he leaps on the chance and says, "That building is so damn ugly! What an eyesore! The architect should be hung!"

Bush replies, "That's the Zimbabwaen Embassy!"

Very Nice!

 

[Spring Onion]

A Doctor implants a new Ear to a man

Man: You fraud , you attached a Woman's ear to me

Doctor: It makes no difference.

Man: it does, now i can hear everything but understand Nothing

 

[Spring Onion]

the third woman asks the genie to quadruple her IQ, and the genie turns her into a man!

Thats why when a man confront a woman his IQ dashes to ground

 

[Flintlock]

Thats why when a man confront a woman his IQ dashes to ground

Good one.

 

[asaad-ul-islam]

Thats why when a man confront a woman his IQ dashes to ground

not me woman! i play it cool. i follow great advice, "never chase after women, let women chase after you."

 

[Spring Onion]

not me woman! i play it cool. i follow great advice, "never chase after women, let women chase after you."

And women only chase you after marriage

 

[asaad-ul-islam]

And women only chase you after marriage

women chase me all the time! fortunately, for me, i'm not like little weak men who start wetting their pants after seeing a pretty woman. Not like the one's i've seen this summer in pakistan or the indians i see in the US.
a strong male who shows good leadership, power, and little weakness and emotion is most irresistible to women.

 

[Spring Onion]

a strong male who shows good leadership, power, and little weakness and emotion is most irresistible to women.

Indeed only if such one exists

 

[asaad-ul-islam]

we are all like that, mainly from this family! chasing after women and "bowing down to their wims", to us, well that's a sign of weakness!