What makes a good daughter-in-law

[Manama]

its not just wrong on one but many levels husband isn't your personal property just like you aren't his no one likes a controlling and possessive wife.
now coming to joint family part.it is a way of life if you don't like it just don't marry in house which practice it.simple as that there is no need to eradicate it just because few girls who didn't chose their partner carefully according to their mindset now can't adjust to this lifestyle.

nah joint family is just unreligious thats one of the main reasons to eradicate it. Its time we move on from whatever culture stuff we inherited from our past with india.

 

[Proudpakistaniguy]

nah joint family is just unreligious thats one of the main reasons to eradicate it. Its time we move on from whatever culture stuff we inherited from our past with india.

Is polygamy religious?

its not just wrong on one but many levels husband isn't your personal property just like you aren't his no one likes a controlling and possessive wife.
now coming to joint family part.it is a way of life if you don't like it just don't marry in house which practice it.simple as that there is no need to eradicate it just because few girls who didn't chose their partner carefully according to their mindset now can't adjust to this lifestyle.

actually we cannot dictate others . If there are people who are living in joint family system for whatever reasons then its none of our business ..All these matters should be discussed and settled before marriage

 

[Manama]

Is polygamy religious?

yep but it comes with terms and conditions

 

[Proudpakistaniguy]

yep but it comes with terms and conditions

So how many Pakistani women will be fine with sharing husband if men fulfil terms and conditions of polygamy?

polygamy is considered mostly unacceptable because of cultural reasons. If you can afford to live separately with wife then you can also afford to live separately with two wives

but honestly speaking majority man from lower and middle class cannot afford to live separately because of poor economic condition ..we should pay for their rent when we will give them free advice to get rid of joint family system

 

[Ocean]

nah joint family is just unreligious thats one of the main reasons to eradicate it. Its time we move on from whatever culture stuff we inherited from our past with india.

I have seen men ruining their marital bliss with their wife after their own family memers. Like agar biwi ko khush rakha ya elehda rakha tau maa naraz ho jaey gee behan naraz ho jaey gi bla bla , and then when these men enter old age they realize how much they need their wife and kids. Phir aik dam say biwion aur apnay bachon say hamdardi aur ziada mohabbat tapaknay lagtee hai. Very typical of our pakistani men, for instance watch drama dur e shehwar it was exactly about such kind of men. Btw joint fmaily may rakhna agar majboori ho tau kuch ettiquettes hotay hain jo joint family kay bhi har member ko follow karnay chaheeain like not interfering in others matters.

The response by the member hellhound in favor of joint family system is very ridiculous, would any of these guys will be okay with their own sisters living in households where there are dewars and jeths around and women lack their privacy, and if these pro joint family system guys' sisters have to do laundry of her sister in laws, brother in laws too? Cook food for everyone, face interferences in your life. Joint family is workable in two scenarios
1. Your house is very huge so that women can enjoy privacy and have enough rooms for kids.
2. Even if house is not huge people do not interfere and pry into each others affairs.
Even daughter in laws could be very lousy , fasadi and make life difficult for her husbands siblings. Har khabar apnay maikay pohanchana and so much more stuff.

In many of our joint family systems married couples are not allowed to retire for their bedroom until late midnight because according to mother in law , aisa karnay say ghar may mojood gair shadishuda behnon kay zehan pay bura asar paray ga.

Pakistani tau bilkul hee balance nahi rakhtay , ya tau hamaray mard apni maa behnon kay peechay bv kay rights kharab kartay hain ya biwi kay peechay apnay maa baap behan bhaion kay , yehi admi jab goriyon say shadi kartay hain tau unkay samnay moonh kholnay ki himmat nahi hoti. Jab burhapa ata hai tau yaad ata hai ka ziadtiyan ki theen.

I have seen these things first hand.

I would not marry off my sister or daughter into such households unless i am sure she will be treated well and incase she could not adjust then iwill always back her instead of instructing sab bardasht karo yehi shadi shuda zindagi hai.

We should educate our women so that in time of crisis they can work and support thenselves plus we should educate them about their rights so that they do not end up bearing torture silently just as how it is preached shamelessly in our society.

My opinion is if men will know that pakistani women can protect their rights and will not allow anyone to take advanatge of them then our user kind of men will adjust their own behaviors and that will help reduce divorce rates in long run.

 

[I.R.A]

Marriage life is not some never changing relationship, it goes through different phases, compromises and restraint (mostly at the end of men), phases of immature newly wed couple to mature parents, phases of being nervous to being confident and advising the newly wed couples, phases of love and affection to argument and anger .......... it starts with dreams, goes through struggle and and the height of this relationship is two old people deeply in love with each other anxiously waiting for their son, daughter in law and grand children to visit them.

Going through these different phases is how a fraudster in law becomes a monster in law ...... oops sorry I mean a daughter in law becomes a mother in law.

 

[Manama]

So how many Pakistani women will be fine with sharing husband if men fulfil terms and conditions of polygamy?

polygamy is considered mostly unacceptable because of cultural reasons. If you can afford to live separately with wife then you can also afford to live separately with two wives

but honestly speaking majority man from lower and middle class cannot afford to live separately because of poor economic condition ..we should pay for their rent when we will give them free advice to get rid of joint family system

if you know anything about polygamy in religion, a man can not marry a second wife if the first wife isnt okay with it as shown by the marriage between ali r.a and fatima r.a so i don't see what youre getting at.

Poor economic condition is a trash argument, we don't even move away from our parents being adults, ofcourse its thought that a wife should be brought to that home as well. our culture and our traditions that we hold so tightly are nothing more than backward thinking inherited from our time with india, sadly theyve moved on but we still refuse to do so

I have seen men ruining their marital bliss with their wife after their own family memers. Like agar biwi ko khush rakha ya elehda rakha tau maa naraz ho jaey gee behan naraz ho jaey gi bla bla , and then when these men enter old age they realize how much they need their wife and kids. Phir aik dam say biwion aur apnay bachon say hamdardi aur ziada mohabbat tapaknay lagtee hai. Very typical of our pakistani men, for instance watch drama dur e shehwar it was exactly about such kind of men. Btw joint fmaily may rakhna agar majboori ho tau kuch ettiquettes hotay hain jo joint family kay bhi har member ko follow karnay chaheeain like not interfering in others matters.

The response by the member hellhound in favor of joint family system is very ridiculous, would any of these guys will be okay with their own sisters living in households where there are dewars and jeths around and women lack their privacy, and if these pro joint family system guys' sisters have to do laundry of her sister in laws, brother in laws too? Cook food for everyone, face interferences in your life. Joint family is workable in two scenarios
1. Your house is very huge so that women can enjoy privacy and have enough rooms for kids.
2. Even if house is not huge people do not interfere and pry into each others affairs.
Even daughter in laws could be very lousy , fasadi and make life difficult for her husbands siblings. Har khabar apnay maikay pohanchana and so much more stuff.

In many of our joint family systems married couples are not allowed to retire for their bedroom until late midnight because according to mother in law , aisa karnay say ghar may mojood gair shadishuda behnon kay zehan pay bura asar paray ga.

Pakistani tau bilkul hee balance nahi rakhtay , ya tau hamaray mard apni maa behnon kay peechay bv kay rights kharab kartay hain ya biwi kay peechay apnay maa baap behan bhaion kay , yehi admi jab goriyon say shadi kartay hain tau unkay samnay moonh kholnay ki himmat nahi hoti. Jab burhapa ata hai tau yaad ata hai ka ziadtiyan ki theen.

I have seen these things first hand.

I would not marry off my sister or daughter into such households unless i am sure she will be treated well and incase she could not adjust then iwill always back her instead of instructing sab bardasht karo yehi shadi shuda zindagi hai.

We should educate our women so that in time of crisis they can work and support thenselves plus we should educate them about their rights so that they do not end up bearing torture silently just as how it is preached shamelessly in our society.

My opinion is if men will know that pakistani women can protect their rights and will not allow anyone to take advanatge of them then our user kind of men will adjust their own behaviors and that will help reduce divorce rates in long run.

Well said.

 

[M. Sarmad]

Someone who can make a "gol" roti ...and preferably, munh mein zuban bhi nhi honi chahiyay

 

[abdulbarijan]

Poor economic condition is a trash argument, we don't even move away from our parents being adults, ofcourse its thought that a wife should be brought to that home as well. our culture and our traditions that we hold so tightly are nothing more than backward thinking inherited from our time with india, sadly theyve moved on but we still refuse to do so

-'trash argument'.. Seriously? Just curious, how many people have you supported financially in your life? and by support I mean a steady income that pays for the bills and failing to do so means your water ain't running or your gas or electricity is off ... ?

-Secondly, do you know what is the first major question the side representing you, i.e. the women... asks in a marriage negotiation? .. 99% of the time the question is regarding what he does... something related to the income etc.If the economic argument is so trash .. why is the income and job of a potential husband so important to the potential wife and her family?

-Lastly, let's not forget, it's women that usually want comfortable surroundings, life style etc. Even if it's a woman from a relatively weaker economic background, SHE still wants to find a man, who is relatively better. If economic condition is a trash argument as you say, then it's YOU WOMEN that have to prove that. Marry the guy who lives in a 1 marla rental, contribute yourself economically, instead of taking the taxis or other services how about using the local buses and wagons which charge less but you don't have no AC's in the months like June in hot temperatures, live in houses with no backup power with long load shedding hours ... etc etc.

Bottom line .. Economic argument, is an argument to begin with because of the wants of the woman, so if it's really a trash argument, how about women start putting their money where their mouths are?

 

[Sam.]

-'trash argument'.. Seriously? Just curious, how many people have you supported financially in your life? and by support I mean a steady income that pays for the bills and failing to do so means your water ain't running or your gas or electricity is off ... ?

-Secondly, do you know what is the first major question the side representing you, i.e. the women... asks in a marriage negotiation? .. 99% of the time the question is regarding what he does... something related to the income etc.If the economic argument is so trash .. why is the income and job of a potential husband so important to the potential wife and her family?

-Lastly, let's not forget, it's women that usually want comfortable surroundings, life style etc. Even if it's a woman from a relatively weaker economic background, SHE still wants to find a man, who is relatively better. If economic condition is a trash argument as you say, then it's YOU WOMEN that have to prove that. Marry the guy who lives in a 1 marla rental, contribute yourself economically, instead of taking the taxis or other services how about using the local buses and wagons which charge less but you don't have no AC's in the months like June in hot temperatures, live in houses with no backup power with long load shedding hours ... etc etc.

Bottom line .. Economic argument, is an argument to begin with because of the wants of the woman, so if it's really a trash argument, how about women start putting their money where their mouths are?

Every girl family don't see a boy for their daughter but ATM machine.

Maybe sometime we can share experiences if you ever visit India.

 

[Divergent]

I have seen men ruining their marital bliss with their wife after their own family memers. Like agar biwi ko khush rakha ya elehda rakha tau maa naraz ho jaey gee behan naraz ho jaey gi bla bla , and then when these men enter old age they realize how much they need their wife and kids. Phir aik dam say biwion aur apnay bachon say hamdardi aur ziada mohabbat tapaknay lagtee hai. Very typical of our pakistani men, for instance watch drama dur e shehwar it was exactly about such kind of men. Btw joint fmaily may rakhna agar majboori ho tau kuch ettiquettes hotay hain jo joint family kay bhi har member ko follow karnay chaheeain like not interfering in others matters.

The response by the member hellhound in favor of joint family system is very ridiculous, would any of these guys will be okay with their own sisters living in households where there are dewars and jeths around and women lack their privacy, and if these pro joint family system guys' sisters have to do laundry of her sister in laws, brother in laws too? Cook food for everyone, face interferences in your life. Joint family is workable in two scenarios
1. Your house is very huge so that women can enjoy privacy and have enough rooms for kids.
2. Even if house is not huge people do not interfere and pry into each others affairs.
Even daughter in laws could be very lousy , fasadi and make life difficult for her husbands siblings. Har khabar apnay maikay pohanchana and so much more stuff.

In many of our joint family systems married couples are not allowed to retire for their bedroom until late midnight because according to mother in law , aisa karnay say ghar may mojood gair shadishuda behnon kay zehan pay bura asar paray ga.

Pakistani tau bilkul hee balance nahi rakhtay , ya tau hamaray mard apni maa behnon kay peechay bv kay rights kharab kartay hain ya biwi kay peechay apnay maa baap behan bhaion kay , yehi admi jab goriyon say shadi kartay hain tau unkay samnay moonh kholnay ki himmat nahi hoti. Jab burhapa ata hai tau yaad ata hai ka ziadtiyan ki theen.

I have seen these things first hand.

I would not marry off my sister or daughter into such households unless i am sure she will be treated well and incase she could not adjust then iwill always back her instead of instructing sab bardasht karo yehi shadi shuda zindagi hai.

We should educate our women so that in time of crisis they can work and support thenselves plus we should educate them about their rights so that they do not end up bearing torture silently just as how it is preached shamelessly in our society.

My opinion is if men will know that pakistani women can protect their rights and will not allow anyone to take advanatge of them then our user kind of men will adjust their own behaviors and that will help reduce divorce rates in long run.

This deserves a positive rating. Well put.

 

[El Sidd]

wow you guys are still at it

ok

i will just change the subject then...to an equally bizarre and mundane one



tell me guys..what do you think should be the ideal age for getting married....

 

[footmarks]

Parents - in - law and husband want a woman who is good at cooking and fooking respectively. But the reality is - these two "jobs" hold all the strings and they cede all power to the lady eventually.

 

[Divergent]

As females I can confirm, today's girls at some stage prefer their own places, maybe for a temporary basis they could adjust with in laws but after some stage you have to into account she wants her own privacy, dress in whatever she wants and roam free around the house with no worry. If you have bro/sis in laws there's a line of respect and moderation you have to be vary of.

Also once you have children, they grow up and want their own rooms and spaces etc.

Men want a modern wife with forward thinking, but haven't broaden their own minds. FYI: I'm no feminist but stating this hypocrisy

 

[Manama]

-'trash argument'.. Seriously? Just curious, how many people have you supported financially in your life? and by support I mean a steady income that pays for the bills and failing to do so means your water ain't running or your gas or electricity is off ... ?

-Secondly, do you know what is the first major question the girl's side asks in a marriage negotiation .. 99% of the time the question is regarding what he does... something related to the income etc.
Lastly, let's not forget, it's women that usually want comfortable surroundings, life style etc. Even if it's a woman from a relatively weaker economic background, SHE still wants to find a man, who is relatively better. If economic condition is a trash argument as you say, then it's YOU WOMEN that have to prove that. Marry the guy who lives in a 1 marla rental, contribute yourself economically, instead of taking the taxis or other services how about using the local buses and wagons which charge less but you don't have no AC's in the June in hot temperatures, live in houses with no backup power at a time when there is long hours of load shedding etc etc. Bottom line .. Economic argument, is an argument to begin with because of the wants of the woman, so if it's really a trash argument, how about women start putting their money where their mouths are?

Why do i care lol? im still a minor. I speak about what i see, the lives I see being destroyed, those toxic marriages. YEs economic problems are a thing and ofcourse it should be because you can't marry someone else if you can't support yourself. So instead of coming at us for demanding someone who can support us, maybe you shouldnt approach anyone before you are ready to support them. Heck even i would see my economical situation before marrying my boyfriend.
Your arguments are trash because those are necessities of life, if you go ahead and still live at your parent's house at 18 go ahead, don't go whining about it when you have joint family problems especially when our religion itself gives us right to be separate straight after marriage.