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Stupid and funny from all over the world - II

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Joe did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom? ...... and who are you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven.
""WHAT!!? Are you saying, I'm dead? I don't want to die ..... I'm too young." said Joe. "If I'm dead, I want you to send me back immediately.
""It's not that easy", said St. Peter, "you can only return as a dog or a hen. You can choose on your own".
Joe thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen." Joe replied.
In the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow ........ then along came the rooster."Hey, you must be the new hen on the farm." he said. "How does it feel?""
Well, it's OK I guess, but it feels like my rear end is blowing up.
""Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. Have you never laid an egg before?? Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Joe clucked twice, and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'Plop' and an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Joe said "that felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.The third time he clucked,
he heard his wife shout, "Joe, for Christ's sake!!! Wake up ... you're shittin' all over the bed!" :rofl:

Hi,

That is a good one----
 
. . . . .
Wife: Look a thief has entered our kitchen and he is eating the cake I prepared.

Funny Husband: Whom should I call now, Police or Ambulance...?
 
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Bachhe Mun k sachhe..

Boy to his mom:”Mumma mai kaise paida hua.. ??
.
Mom:”Maine 1 bartan me mitti daal kar rakh di,
kuch din baad usme se tum mujhe mile..
.
Bache ne aisa hi kiya..

Ab kuch din baad usne jakar dekha to usme 1 mendak tha..
.
.
Bacha:”gusse se dil to karta hai ke Saale..

tujhe goli mar du, par kya karu ??

Aulad hai tu meri..:

“SONEHRI BAAT”

“NAIKI” Kar K Aisy bhool jaaya
Karo

Jaisay
Log
“Shadi” Kr k Muskrana Bhol jaaty Hain..
 
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