Stupid and funny from all over the world - II

[ejaz007]

women one liners


We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"
man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes,

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

 

[Mujahid]

LEARN FROM PAST MISTAKE

 

[Jango]

Not stupid or funny- but counting the fired rockets is stupid and funny- -

Now that is the practical example of 'raining hell'.

I always wondered about the practicality of this system, and for what it might be used for...

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[Marshmallow]

 

[airuah]

for humor only...leave politics aside

 

[darkinsky]

for humor only...leave politics aside

ohh is this matter to laugh? your terrorists killed our innocent people and still no prosecution for the indian terrorists

this is the laughing matter actually

 

[Paan Singh]

 

[khanboy007]

Physics please !!!!!!!!!!

YO YO HONEY SINGH ON THE ROLL

 

[Koovie]

 

[BlackenTheSky]

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar
drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, “You know my parents are
forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once.” We call this

arranged marriage.

I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love… I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems

The American said, Talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. After a couple of years, my father fell in love with

my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned

worse when my father had a son. Now my father’s son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems…

 

[Koovie]

Batman gets stopped by the police

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=133437200162933

 

[Soumitra]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=141272609360879

 

[Arav_Rana]

An unemployed guy got a new job at the zoo. They offered him to dress up in a gorilla's skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.

On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring.

During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help!"

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!"

 

[air marshal]