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Smokers’ Corner: Terrorist floods

Bhushan

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Smokers’ Corner: Terrorist floods
By Nadeem F. Paracha
Sunday, 31 Oct, 2010

NFP_floods_608.jpg


Death, destruction, chaos, pain, tears, fear. I can go on and on. People are asking what has happened to our beloved Islamic republic. Well, the answers are obvious. The answers are quivering and screaming right underneath our noses. Take the example of the devastating floods the beloved country has been facing. But before I launch into analysing the issue let me make a humble appeal to all my Muslim brothers and sisters.

Let’s join hands, unite, merge and gather outside the most significant and historically relevant landmarks of the county — the Lal Masjid and the Kahuta Nuclear Plant — and raise our hands and scream at the top of our voices, ‘Oh, Lord, forgive our sins. Forgive us and deliver us from all these calamities that our enemies have unleashed upon us. We know these calamities are your azaab on a shameless, slavish and corrupt leadership. Rid this land of these devils. These agents of destruction and corruption and consumption and dysfunction and eruption’.

Now, dear Muslim brothers and sisters, I would like to address all those hypocrites who have been going on and on calling freedom fighters like the Taliban ‘terrorists’. These so-called liberals whom we all know are clearly on the payroll of various enemy agencies, are always quick to call Taliban terrorists but why are they quiet when these floods have killed so many of our poor, helpless, innocent (Muslim) brothers and sisters? Why aren’t they calling these floods an act of terrorism as well?

These merciless floods have no morals, no religion, no ethics. I have done what no TV channel or newspaper or NGO is willing to do. My team and I conducted a series of interviews with these dastardly floods. And as they roared across the country creating havoc, they told us, ‘our mission is to wash out Pakistan and Islam’.

I dived into the Indus, and warned it that it is being infiltrated by terrorist floods unleashed by our enemies in India and Afghanistan, but my pleas and warnings too were swept away.

Dear Muslim Pakistani brothers and sisters, open your eyes and see the truth; open your ears and hear the facts; open your noses and smell the coffee. After creating hell through infidel agents of death, whom we so naively call Taliban, our enemies have now let loose these highly trained and paid floods. I have solid proof that these deadly floods were created and given training in Kabul and New Delhi by RAW and the CIA.

I also want to share with you another startling fact: Never have our rivers looked so red during flooding. What does that tell you? Simple, dear colleagues. The Russian KGB has joined the proceedings as well. If you listen carefully to the sound of the raging waters in our rivers these days, you can clearly hear it singing not only bhajans and hymns, but Godless and atheistic, communist claptrap as well.

The following is what I want to ask our rulers: Why isn’t the government declaring the floods as terrorists? Why is the government accepting flood relief from India? How can Pakistani Muslims ever get themselves to consume water and food delivered by Hindus? Isn’t it better that the victims drown or starve to death rather than accept such impure aid? What a shame!

It is now clear that only our gallant army can run this country. It successfully wiped out the infidel agents of India, Israel and the United States from Swat; it should be given a free hand to fight these Godless floods too. Why isn’t the government allowing the armed forces to use fighter jets and tanks against these floods? I predict that it will only take a week for our brave forces to wipe out these floods if they are allowed to bomb some strategic areas of the mighty Indus. I have been warning that many parts of the river Indus running across Sindh in particular were always more venerable to infiltration by enemy and terrorist floods. That is due to the presence of the blind dolphins there, especially near the Sukkur barrage. Dear colleagues, let me tell you, these merciless dolphins paid by the enemy western agencies like the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) are not blind at all. It’s an elaborate hoax. Kill them!
 
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This guy spends more time making up [sarcastic] conspiracy theories than the people he condemns. This is why I don't like him... he and his small band of Pakistani followers (lots of support from across the border!) seem to be so paranoid about the psyche of society that he seems to think everyone in Pakistan is a brainwashed, uneducated all-hating mullah terrorist.

I wonder who is the real brainwashed one.
 
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so you hate him, we hate arundhati, lets not give any mileage to these two then?

agreed?
 
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LOL, what an utter madcap! I sincerely hope that this clown does not have much following in Pakistan!
 
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so you hate him, we hate arundhati, lets not give any mileage to these two then?

agreed?

Actually.. no. Mr Paracha isnt that popular at all. His comments are sarcastic.. but that has to do with the failure of his political purpose.
While his comments are relevant to say.. 15% of the population.. which are his real targets.. the others are supposed to simply read and understand his satirical sarcasm.
I dont appreciate his column all the time... but then one needs a little extreme black humor..considering all the conspiracy theories floating around in the Urdu and some English dailies.
AR on the other hand.. usually writes on a much more serious note, and her pokes are more direct..
So long live AR.. and Mr Paracha.
 
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Actually.. no. Mr Paracha isnt that popular at all. His comments are sarcastic.. but that has to do with the failure of his political purpose.
While his comments are relevant to say.. 15% of the population.. which are his real targets.. the others are supposed to simply read and understand his satirical sarcasm.
I dont appreciate his column all the time... but then one needs a little extreme black humor..considering all the conspiracy theories floating around in the Urdu and some English dailies.
AR on the other hand.. usually writes on a much more serious note, and her pokes are more direct..
So long live AR.. and Mr Paracha.

Oh, wait - is this sarcasm and satire then? I wondered if anyone can really be this mad, to type things like this:

Why isn’t the government allowing the armed forces to use fighter jets and tanks against these floods? I predict that it will only take a week for our brave forces to wipe out these floods if they are allowed to bomb some strategic areas of the mighty Indus. I have been warning that many parts of the river Indus running across Sindh in particular were always more venerable to infiltration by enemy and terrorist floods. That is due to the presence of the blind dolphins there, especially near the Sukkur barrage. Dear colleagues, let me tell you, these merciless dolphins paid by the enemy western agencies like the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) are not blind at all. It’s an elaborate hoax. Kill them!
 
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LOL, what an utter madcap! I sincerely hope that this clown does not have much following in Pakistan!

what sort of chap r u?its a sarcastic (rather pungent) piece n any blind stupid would take literal meanings from it!!:frown:
besides hez mostly writing on lighter note n holds a very balanced opinion..go thru some other pieces n then come up with ur nice comments..
 
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Is this Nadeem Paracha fellow the Pakistani version of Arundhati Roy ?

Pretty much, but to less of a level.

I personally think that Arunhati Roy's case has been taken to heroically by some of my fellows here. I would long to see a free Kashmir, and I do not hate her for passing remarks against her own country's interests, but I do not take her as a hero. It is no doubt that Indians have a right to dislike her but we, as Pakistanis, can't claim that you are being hypocritical here. Of course, most people don't do this here.

I love Pakistan, I am patriotic... but an 'enemy of an enemy' (in the case of Arunhati Roy) should not be taken too seriously by us Pakistanis. Change comes with doing, not believing. I don't like this Nadeem chap, because, while sarcasm is good, he goes to great heights to highlight some faults of a very small part of our society and almost always generalizes them.
 
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WTF is wrong with this guy? He seems to be finding conspiracy theories everywhere, even if they are non-existent or of negligible popularity. There seems to be a new brand of what I like to call conspiracy-theory theorists, i.e. those who make theories about conspiracy theories.
 
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I dived into the Indus, and warned it that it is being infiltrated by terrorist floods unleashed by our enemies in India and Afghanistan, but my pleas and warnings too were swept away.

Dear Muslim Pakistani brothers and sisters, open your eyes and see the truth; open your ears and hear the facts; open your noses and smell the coffee. After creating hell through infidel agents of death, whom we so naively call Taliban, our enemies have now let loose these highly trained and paid floods. I have solid proof that these deadly floods were created and given training in Kabul and New Delhi by RAW and the CIA.

I also want to share with you another startling fact: Never have our rivers looked so red during flooding. What does that tell you? Simple, dear colleagues. The Russian KGB has joined the proceedings as well. If you listen carefully to the sound of the raging waters in our rivers these days, you can clearly hear it singing not only bhajans and hymns, but Godless and atheistic, communist claptrap as well.

ehhh...What????
I will not ask whether this guy is nuts or not,as this time,I know for a fact that this guy is totally delusional,crazy,insane and urgently needs medical attention.....

Good piece of entertainment though.........
 
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I had to go through this article twice to get some understanding from it. First time I was shocked that it came on Dawn... Second time I think I got the sarcasm. If it is indeed a sarcasm.... then brilliant!
The last sentence gives it away clearly... Good read indeed. :lol:

Dear colleagues, let me tell you, these merciless dolphins paid by the enemy western agencies like the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) are not blind at all. It’s an elaborate hoax. Kill them!
 
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This guy is being ridiculous now. Acting way too paranoid.
 
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I think you guys missed his whole punch at the conspiracy theorists..
You especially peaceful.
 
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