Mian Babban
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Since the cultural setup of the present day Pakistani society is an amalgamation of many communities and ethnicities living together, the constituents of the dowry tradition vary among communities and ethnic groups. Mainly, there are two major categories of dowry transfers such as transfers from the family of the bride to that of the groom, broadly termed as 'dowry', or from the groom's side to the bride's, broadly termed as 'bride-price'. Both the practices have long-rooted ethnical backgrounds, relevance and significance in the cultures they spring from. Often gifts from relatives and well-wishers and items of personal use are categorised as dowry.
For instance, in the Punjabi and Urdu speaking communities, it is traditional for the bride's family to transfer a sizable amount of dowry to the groom's family at the time of marriage. This comprises items such as furniture, crockery, electronic items, the bride's trousseau, gifts for the in-laws, etc. In a joint family setup, it is not uncommon for the bride's dowry to get absorbed in the household and used by everybody, especially the electronic items. The size of this dowry and number of items depend on the bride's family's financial position, the family traditions and whatever is in vogue. For instance, in certain sub groups of the Urdu speaking community, bridal dresses are purchased by the groom's family, whereas the groom's dresses are purchased by the bride's family. Furthermore, a bari in the form of dresses is given to the bride by the groom's family.
Similarly, in the Punjabi community, great importance is given to the quality and quantity of the gifts to the in-laws. Besides clothes, the bride's family may include gold jewellery for women in the immediate family. Even a car or a motor cycle is provided to the groom as part of the dowry. Furthermore, in some of the sub ethnic groups in the Memon community, accommodation is provided to the groom, especially the Kathiawaree Memons, in the form of a flat or a house. However, these norms are not standardised, established or compulsory practices, and are also not exclusive to any one community.
On the other hand, there is a reverse dowry system in the Pathan and Balochi community. In Balochistan and the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, the groom's family is required to pay the Mehr amount in advance and bear almost the entire expense of the wedding. This amount is called Wulvar or Sar (bride's price or head money) for the Pashtun and Lub for the Baloch. In Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, the jirga usually settles these details at the time of the engagement; the amount is then paid to the bride's family before or at the time of marriage. However, the dowry that the bride brings is usually meagre. The idea behind this custom is to provide some relief to the bride's family.
Likewise, among the Sindhis, there is the tradition of leti-deti where the bride's family provides her a dowry. Recently, there has also been a shift in the trend in the rural areas of Sindh where the bride's family, hailing from a low socio-economic background, asks the groom's family for money. They then use this money to make wedding preparations and arrange for dowry.
As stated earlier, the tradition of dowry is by no means a phenomenon exclusive to the subcontinent or South Asia, it is a global phenomenon. The tradition of reverse dowry springs from Afghanistan, where prospective husbands have long paid a 'bride- price' for their wives. In Iran too, the Mehr usually comprises a large sum. The groom also additionally pays the bride's mother a 'bride-price' titled sheer baha i.e., money for the milk. In Saudi Arabia, a substantial amount of mehr is given to the bride, which is sometimes used by her family to purchase clothes and items of personal use, distinct from her bridal clothes. The mehr is also accompanied with jewellery and ornamental items, which are displayed at the time of the wedding. In Sudan, the Mehr is called mukadam and is used for making the wedding preparations.
Over the time, traditions have changed, evolved, even lost their meanings. There are ethical and religious rationales for all types of dowry customs but also the possibility of abuse. Traditionally, dowry is considered important for giving a head start to the newly wedded couple. It is sad when the very customs and practice to provide security to a woman and means to a man can be used to exploit them. When dowry determines a chance for a woman to marry well or to marry at all, and when the 'bride- price' is set too high for a man, then such customs become a curse.
https://www.dawn.com/news/537353
For instance, in the Punjabi and Urdu speaking communities, it is traditional for the bride's family to transfer a sizable amount of dowry to the groom's family at the time of marriage. This comprises items such as furniture, crockery, electronic items, the bride's trousseau, gifts for the in-laws, etc. In a joint family setup, it is not uncommon for the bride's dowry to get absorbed in the household and used by everybody, especially the electronic items. The size of this dowry and number of items depend on the bride's family's financial position, the family traditions and whatever is in vogue. For instance, in certain sub groups of the Urdu speaking community, bridal dresses are purchased by the groom's family, whereas the groom's dresses are purchased by the bride's family. Furthermore, a bari in the form of dresses is given to the bride by the groom's family.
Similarly, in the Punjabi community, great importance is given to the quality and quantity of the gifts to the in-laws. Besides clothes, the bride's family may include gold jewellery for women in the immediate family. Even a car or a motor cycle is provided to the groom as part of the dowry. Furthermore, in some of the sub ethnic groups in the Memon community, accommodation is provided to the groom, especially the Kathiawaree Memons, in the form of a flat or a house. However, these norms are not standardised, established or compulsory practices, and are also not exclusive to any one community.
On the other hand, there is a reverse dowry system in the Pathan and Balochi community. In Balochistan and the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, the groom's family is required to pay the Mehr amount in advance and bear almost the entire expense of the wedding. This amount is called Wulvar or Sar (bride's price or head money) for the Pashtun and Lub for the Baloch. In Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, the jirga usually settles these details at the time of the engagement; the amount is then paid to the bride's family before or at the time of marriage. However, the dowry that the bride brings is usually meagre. The idea behind this custom is to provide some relief to the bride's family.
Likewise, among the Sindhis, there is the tradition of leti-deti where the bride's family provides her a dowry. Recently, there has also been a shift in the trend in the rural areas of Sindh where the bride's family, hailing from a low socio-economic background, asks the groom's family for money. They then use this money to make wedding preparations and arrange for dowry.
As stated earlier, the tradition of dowry is by no means a phenomenon exclusive to the subcontinent or South Asia, it is a global phenomenon. The tradition of reverse dowry springs from Afghanistan, where prospective husbands have long paid a 'bride- price' for their wives. In Iran too, the Mehr usually comprises a large sum. The groom also additionally pays the bride's mother a 'bride-price' titled sheer baha i.e., money for the milk. In Saudi Arabia, a substantial amount of mehr is given to the bride, which is sometimes used by her family to purchase clothes and items of personal use, distinct from her bridal clothes. The mehr is also accompanied with jewellery and ornamental items, which are displayed at the time of the wedding. In Sudan, the Mehr is called mukadam and is used for making the wedding preparations.
Over the time, traditions have changed, evolved, even lost their meanings. There are ethical and religious rationales for all types of dowry customs but also the possibility of abuse. Traditionally, dowry is considered important for giving a head start to the newly wedded couple. It is sad when the very customs and practice to provide security to a woman and means to a man can be used to exploit them. When dowry determines a chance for a woman to marry well or to marry at all, and when the 'bride- price' is set too high for a man, then such customs become a curse.
https://www.dawn.com/news/537353
they do not know the groom in KP is hard hit
