MALLU
If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an Ambassador taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and two children with their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you are a Mallu going to attend your cousin's wedding.
If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without wearing a helmet, and play football all while wearing a lungi tied halfmast, Malayali status!
If your late father left you a part of an old house as your inheritance, and you turned it into a "chaya kada" (tea shop),yes.... you're a Malayali !
If you have more than 5 relatives working in the Gelf, you are a Big Time Malayali !
If you have the words "Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mon" written on the rear window of your Omni car, yes...... you are a Malaayli.
If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan, pillerude appan, guess what? You're a Central Travancore Syrian Christian Malayali.
If you have a Tamilian parked in front of your house every Sunday, ironing your clothes, chances are a you are a Middle Class Malayali. If you have more than three trade unions at your place of work, then ask no further...... you are indeed a Malayali.
If you have voted into power a Chief Minister who has not passed the 4th grade then ask no further, YOU ARE A MALAYALI.
If you have at least two relatives working in the US in the health servises sector , Yes.... Malayali!
If you religiously buy a lottery ticket every week, then you're in the Malayali Zone!
If you constantly refer to banana as "benana" or pizza as "pissa" you are a Malayali..
If you use coconut oil instead of refined vegetable oil and can't figure out why people in your family have congenital heart problems, you could be a Malayali. (THIS WILL NOT STOP ME FROM USING THE COCONUT OIL!)
If you are going out to see a movie at the local theatre with your wifey wearing all the gold jewellry gifted to her by her parents, you are a newly married Malayali..
If you and your wife and three children dress up in your Sunday best and go out to have biriyani at Kayikka's on a 100 cc Bajaj mobike, you are an upwardly mobile Malayali from Cochin.
If your idea of haute cuisine is kappa and meen curry (tapioca & fish curry), then yes.... you are a Malayali..
If you have beef puttu for breakfast, beef olathiathu for lunch, and beef curry with "porotta" for dinner, yeah, definitely Malalyali.
If your name is Wilson, and your wife's name is Baby, and you name your daughter Wilby, have no doubts at all, you are a standard Syrian Christian Malayali from Chengannur !
If most of the houses on your block are painted puke yellow, fluorescent green, and bright pink, definitely Malappuram Malayali working in the Gelf.
If you tie a towel around your head and burst into a raucous rendition of the song "Kuttanadn Punjayile" (the traditional boat race jingle) after having three glasses of toddy, then you are a hardcore Malayali.
If you call appetizers served with alcoholic beverages as "touchings", then you are one helluva Malayali.
If the local toddy shop owner knows you by your pet name and you call him "Porinju Chetta" then you are true Malayali.
If you're sick and your wifey rubs "Bicks" into your nostrils and gives you "kurumulaku rasam" (pepper rasam) with chakkara (jaggery) -grandma's recipe- to help relieve your 'symbtoms',damn!! You are a Malayali.
IF YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU
ARE THE REAL McCOY, A BLUE BLOOD MALAYALI. A REAL MALLU) !
Long Time, No See..!
