Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
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Hasnain2009
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trench warfare on Pakistan border, Sikh regiment on one side, suddenly Kartar Singh gets a bright idea, shouts! "Oye Abdul!" Guy pops up from other trench "Kya hai be" BANG shot dead!
"Oye Karim" 2 guys stand up, "Kya hai saala" BANG BANG both khalaas.
"Oye Mustafa!" 2 more, BANG-BANG! dono saale khalaas!
Pakistanis get worried, they think saala Sardarji log, when did they get so smart? Decide to try it themselves.
"Abe Gurdev Singh".... silence.
"Oye Gurdev Singh!!".... silence.
"O bhai, Gurdev Singh!"
after some time ,,
"Oye Gurdev Singh ko kaun bula raha hai re?"
Pakistani gets up, "Mein"......BANG!
Be an Indian.
But where iz the joke??
Lockheed F-16
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Xebex, that was an epic fail
xebex
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1. American scientists dug 50 metres under the ground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time America announced that the ancient Americans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network...
Naturally the government of Pakistan was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 metres down, they found small pieces of Glass and they soon announced that the ancient Pakistanis 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fibrenet...
Indian scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 metres underground but found absolutely nothing.
What did ancient Indians do?
The scientists concluded that they had wireless systems.
Naturally the government of Pakistan was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 metres down, they found small pieces of Glass and they soon announced that the ancient Pakistanis 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fibrenet...
Indian scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 metres underground but found absolutely nothing.
What did ancient Indians do?
The scientists concluded that they had wireless systems.
xebex
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Pakistan just got their new Chineses fighter planes and sent a squadron of pilots there for training.
"Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "Even fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha.
"Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"
"Ok, this one is easy to fly", said the Chinese trainer, "Even fools should be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left and this one for turning right!"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Arfath Pasha.
"Oh," said the Chinese "leave that to the Indian Air Force!"
xebex
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An insect falls into a mug of beer....
Englishman : Throws his mug away and w alks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer..
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the Chinese for Military aid. Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.
Englishman : Throws his mug away and w alks out
American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer
Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away
Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer..
Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer. Relates the issue to Kashmir. Asks the Chinese for Military aid. Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.
xebex
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One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."
xebex
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After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
owais.usmani
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In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their Family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will over the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves."
The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great Length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "Rs. 50,000 for a male brain, and Rs. 200 for a Female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding Eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to Control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire Group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the Price of the female brains, because they've actually been used, the male Brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new"
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will over the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves."
The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great Length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "Rs. 50,000 for a male brain, and Rs. 200 for a Female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding Eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to Control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire Group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the Price of the female brains, because they've actually been used, the male Brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new"
owais.usmani
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A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window,
"I want to open a damn checking account."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."
The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here? We do not tolerate such language here!"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a DAMN checking account in your damn bank, okay?"
"I see," says the manager, "and this stupid ***** is giving you a hard time?"
"I want to open a damn checking account."
The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"
"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."
The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to foul language.
They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here? We do not tolerate such language here!"
"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a DAMN checking account in your damn bank, okay?"
"I see," says the manager, "and this stupid ***** is giving you a hard time?"
owais.usmani
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Funny Essay on Cow : Must Read
He is the cow.The cow is a successful animal.Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in ate meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be parralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forewards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow...........
He is the cow.The cow is a successful animal.Also he is 4 footed, and because he is female, he gives milks. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement.
What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. And he is also useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, and also his gober is much useful to farmers, plants and trees and is used to make flat cakes, in hand and drying sun.
Cow is the only animal that extricates after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in ate meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child.This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapond to be parralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forewards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.
The palms of his feet are soft onto the touch.So the grasses head is not crushed.At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow...........
xebex
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Two priest's were taking a piss in the urinals one day and the one priest looks down and see's a nicotine patch on the other guy's dikk. He says "Im not really a rocket scientist or anything, but, isnt that supposed to be on your arm?" And the other priest goes "Nah, it's working fine. Im down to two Buttz a day"!
owais.usmani
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During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners
asked her students the following question:
Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how
would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.'
What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table.
And you, little Stevie, can you use your brain for once and show us your
good manners?
I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce
you to after dinner.'
asked her students the following question:
Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how
would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.'
What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?
Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.
That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at
the dinner table.
And you, little Stevie, can you use your brain for once and show us your
good manners?
I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce
you to after dinner.'
