Hey...this husband and I have a lot in comon already!
Good ones Neo
Wife to husbadn: I wish if i was newpaper so that i would hvae been in ur hands daily.
Husband: Ah i also wish that so that i could have a new one daily
Joke
- Thread starter EagleEyes
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Spring Onion
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There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been friends for a long time. One day the deacon got sick and was put in the hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend.
When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?''
The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.
At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.'' The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''
When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?''
The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.
At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.'' The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''
A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"
"I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said.
Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the hell did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. :disappointed:
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. :disappointed:
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home.
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn't seem to notice him.
Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?"
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
Lahori paa jee
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A woman went to buy a parrot. At the pet shop she met the manager and asked him to show her the parrots. He took her to different cages each having very high prices. But here was one which had a tag of only $10.
She asked the manager why is it so cheap. He said it was brought from a prostitutes house but its very intelligent.
Very excited the woman bought the paroot and took it to her home. The parrot said, "New house, new madam"
At afternoon her daughters came from school and the parrot said, "New house, New madam, New ladies"
In the evening that womans husband returned and the paroot said "New House, New Madam, New Ladies, Old Master!!!"
She asked the manager why is it so cheap. He said it was brought from a prostitutes house but its very intelligent.
Very excited the woman bought the paroot and took it to her home. The parrot said, "New house, new madam"
At afternoon her daughters came from school and the parrot said, "New house, New madam, New ladies"
In the evening that womans husband returned and the paroot said "New House, New Madam, New Ladies, Old Master!!!"
KashifAsrar
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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down A highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old Lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully Munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and She hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this Gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the Little old lady,
"why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The answer is too good, take a guess
"We just love the chocolate around them."
Ha…ha…ha….!!!!!! (Imagine the driver’s plight!!!!!)
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and She hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this Gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the Little old lady,
"why don`t you eat the peanuts yourself?".
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"
The answer is too good, take a guess
"We just love the chocolate around them."
Ha…ha…ha….!!!!!! (Imagine the driver’s plight!!!!!)
Spring Onion
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hahahhah like the kids do with lolypops and thn very generously hand it to an elder with forcing him to eat it 
