CardSharp
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A humourous blog entry about the upcoming "red dawn" remake.
Remember over a year ago when I wrote about the incredibly inadvisable remake of the 1984 chest-thumping, patriotic puff film called Red Dawn? This version was going to feature China as the bad guy, but for some inexplicable reason, they’ve had trouble sliding this cinematic turd out of the punchbowl.
I guess it didn’t help that producer MGM went tits up a while back and is flopping around in reorganization. By the way, the press says that MGM might get bailed out by an affiliate of China Film Group, so I’m sure someone will argue that the latest Red Dawn reshuffling is just MGM’s pathetic attempt to suck up to their new overlords. Cue the conspiracy theories!
But as usual, I’m getting ahead of the story here.
The LA Times gives us an update on a film anticipated to be so awful that it may actually break some dubious box office records currently held by Howard the Duck (hmm, also a Lea Thompson movie – she must be so proud of her work in the 80s):
Theme of the Times article: Money whore Hollywood is ceding creative control to the Communistas. Dammit, and I was just getting used to the notion that we Jews were in control of all that stuff. Before you know it, they’ll be opening up Chinese restaurants in Culver City. Well, more of them, at any rate.
Anyway, I sort of doubt that too many folks over here were losing sleep over the imminent release of the Red Dawn remake. More likely that the officials at the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television (SARFT) and the Ministry of Culture will, after seeing a review copy, assume that Hollywood has finally jumped the shark and declare all US films banned for import.
To be honest, I’m not so sure they shouldn’t go nuclear on Hollywood anyway; indeed, I’m a little surprised they didn’t do so after Tron: Legacy came out. (Yes, I’m still feelings the effects of that execrable sequel. Like a particularly strong Tequila hangover, watching Tron made me feel like someone was taking a sht in my prefrontal cortex.)
Let’s not be naive here. The distributors were just as worried about being saddled with the theatrical equivalent of a cabbage fart than they were about pissing off China. With the exception of teenage boys, and perhaps North Korea watcher and modern-day Nostradamus Gordon Chang, I’m not really sure who the audience is for this movie. The latest content fix is probably a last-ditch effort to make at least a few shekels in overseas distribution.
My point: this sht is not on anyone’s radar, unless they’re looking for a good laugh.
Speaking of a good laugh . .
http://www.chinahearsay.com/hollywood-wants-you-to-be-afraid-of-the-yellow-horde-update/
Remember over a year ago when I wrote about the incredibly inadvisable remake of the 1984 chest-thumping, patriotic puff film called Red Dawn? This version was going to feature China as the bad guy, but for some inexplicable reason, they’ve had trouble sliding this cinematic turd out of the punchbowl.
I guess it didn’t help that producer MGM went tits up a while back and is flopping around in reorganization. By the way, the press says that MGM might get bailed out by an affiliate of China Film Group, so I’m sure someone will argue that the latest Red Dawn reshuffling is just MGM’s pathetic attempt to suck up to their new overlords. Cue the conspiracy theories!
But as usual, I’m getting ahead of the story here.
The LA Times gives us an update on a film anticipated to be so awful that it may actually break some dubious box office records currently held by Howard the Duck (hmm, also a Lea Thompson movie – she must be so proud of her work in the 80s):
Theme of the Times article: Money whore Hollywood is ceding creative control to the Communistas. Dammit, and I was just getting used to the notion that we Jews were in control of all that stuff. Before you know it, they’ll be opening up Chinese restaurants in Culver City. Well, more of them, at any rate.
Anyway, I sort of doubt that too many folks over here were losing sleep over the imminent release of the Red Dawn remake. More likely that the officials at the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television (SARFT) and the Ministry of Culture will, after seeing a review copy, assume that Hollywood has finally jumped the shark and declare all US films banned for import.
To be honest, I’m not so sure they shouldn’t go nuclear on Hollywood anyway; indeed, I’m a little surprised they didn’t do so after Tron: Legacy came out. (Yes, I’m still feelings the effects of that execrable sequel. Like a particularly strong Tequila hangover, watching Tron made me feel like someone was taking a sht in my prefrontal cortex.)
Let’s not be naive here. The distributors were just as worried about being saddled with the theatrical equivalent of a cabbage fart than they were about pissing off China. With the exception of teenage boys, and perhaps North Korea watcher and modern-day Nostradamus Gordon Chang, I’m not really sure who the audience is for this movie. The latest content fix is probably a last-ditch effort to make at least a few shekels in overseas distribution.
Makes sense. Everyone said that a land invasion by China was a stretch anyway. One by North Korea is certainly more believable, the digital scrubbing of the film is pretty easy, and all the actors from Japan and Hong Kong they originally filmed to play Chinese soldiers can pass for North Koreans just fine for an American audience of 14-year-old boys.
Just for the record: Beijing also didn’t protest Gigli, Leprechaun 2, or Ishtar. By the way, did I mention Tron: Legacy?
My point: this sht is not on anyone’s radar, unless they’re looking for a good laugh.
Speaking of a good laugh . .
http://www.chinahearsay.com/hollywood-wants-you-to-be-afraid-of-the-yellow-horde-update/
