Book Review: How to Win Friends & Influence People

[Robots are coming]

Hello Members,

I have been on the silent information consumption side of this forum for many years. The least I could do to repay the authentic information available on this forum is to contribute in some way. I am a technical person with little or no sense of human relations. Neither was I taught human relations nor did I ever took up this topic with much interest. Coming to Germany from Pakistan was a big cultural shock and I had to navigate a people who look, think, and behave starkly different then the people back home. It required me to learn some basic skills in human interaction. I came to this point through blatant mistakes that lead to bad relationships and even enemies in most cases.

There are a few books that I have read over the years, they are really just a few but very thorough. These books have helped me over the years to improve myself. Sometimes improvement is not seen but these books at least enable a person to analyze the mistakes made that lead to bad relationships. I am starting with the most thorough book on developing and fostering relationships written by Dale Carnegie. This book is so well known that it has its own Wiki page. For those who have already read the book, this will be a refresher and for those who have not, it will help you to improve your human relations.

Please use this thread to share your good/bad experiences over the years regarding the points. You might find a point whose application helped you in a situation or forgot a point that led to a disaster!

Below are the key principles from the book. Each point below has a separate chapter in the book. This listing of the points is intended to give you a hint. The points might not be in all cases give the complete clear picture. If you have questions regarding some of the points then ask. I will give details from the book. Furthermore, you can find a brief summary of each point on the wiki page!

PS: These points are intended for all walks of life; office, home, with children, family, friends etc. As a lurker for 10+ years, I can safely say that these rules will only improve the quality of discussions on this forum as well.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile!
3. Remember that a person's name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
6. Make the other person feel important --- and do it sincerely!

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're wrong"
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically
4. Begin in a friendly way
5. Get the other person saying "Yes, Yes!" immediately
6. Let the other person do a great deal of talking
7. Let the other person believe that the idea is his or hers
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
11. Dramatize your ideas
12. Throw down a challenge

Be a Leader

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
5. Let the other person save face
6. Praise the slightest improvement an praise every improvement. Be "heartly in your approbation and Lavish in your praise"
7. Give the person a fine reputation to live up to
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest