Arranged Marriages vs. Girlfriend/Boyfriend western culture

[Khan_patriot]

There is no concept of love marriages being a western thing and arranged ones being "ours", none of them two is a recipe for a successful marriage. I've seen plenty of people in arranged marriage cheat or just put up with eachother because of societal pressure or their kids and at the same time I've seen plenty of love marriage fail because the couple were abandoned by the families and therefore and no familial support net, which is vital for any desi marriage. Either is a hit and miss and has no guaranteed chances of success.

 

[jamahir]

Jamahir is a serial derailer. He goes to every thread and derails it by dragging off topic comments/questions and then keeps on talking few of his own favourite boring topics. You either don't take the bait and ignore his omments or simply report.

LOL.

This thread is about marriage. What has so called "partition" to do with the marriage?

OK, I will post according to topic.

 

[kingQamaR]

what should seize in our community is U.K. Pakistanis returning back home getting married there to there village partners who don’t speak any English zero education and bring them over to the U.K. start having dozens kids. Reason why we are lacking behind the Indians big time in education we never seem to move forward by this practice of importing uneducated spouses to the U.K.to bring up our kids. that’s why our community is going further back to others and is just stuck in time like we are in the 80s

 

[SIPRA]

Jamahir is a serial derailer.

I have heard about "Serial Killers", but never about "Serial Derailers".

 

[ApparentRaceTraitor]

My parents dreamed of getting me married to a proper hindu Malabari girl, the advantage in my case after living in the west and being semi active on the dating scene; I knew what I wanted in a partner by the time I did my Masters and it was not in sync with what they wanted. I found my partner in the same class and all my side of the family could focus on: she's not indian, she's not hindu, log kya kehenge (the last bit in malayalam, I can't speak/write to save myself).

8 years later, 4 kids (3 of our own and 1 adopted), I'm glad I made my own decision.

what should seize in our community is U.K. Pakistanis returning back home getting married there to there village partners who don’t speak any English zero education and bring them over to the U.K. start having dozens kids. Reason why we are lacking behind the Indians big time in education we never seem to move forward by this practice of importing uneducated spouses to the U.K.to bring up our kids. that’s why our community is going further back to others and is just stuck in time like we are in the 80s

I wouldn't go so far as to create a benchmark against Indian education (primary and secondary, not sure about post secondary, I'm sure it's as appallingly outdated and compliance minded as the previous two), but yes I agree with you, I see more and more immigrants coming in with a 1 dimensional view of the world that can only come from being handicapped by an obsolete education system or a lack of one.

 

[Valar.]

Arranged Marriage Vs Love Marriage.

No system is perfect. Both have their own pros and cons.

To understand which one suits you better, you have to study the worse case scenario. And the worse case scenario is lack of compatibility which can end up in divorce,

Lack of compatibility are either mostly mental and/or sometimes physical.

Mental compatibility consists of spouses having:
- Different personalities (introvert/extrovert, alpha/beta)
- Different social classes i.e. rich/poor
- Different religious inclination - one being more religious than other
- Different societal views i.e., one being more liberal or conservative than the other
- Different education/professional background could also play a role in differences
- Different family views/values i.e., one believes in joint family system while other does not
- Different future ambitions i.e. one being too ambitious while other way too content
- Different personality disorders play a role too like OCD, depression, bipolar disorder etc
- Different financial spending habits like one being too shopaholic while other being too miser
- Age difference

Physical compatibility consists of:
- Spouses having polar opposite sexual drive or needs (sorry, but it's a topic for mature people so please allow it)
- Different height of spouses
- Different weight of spouses
- Different level of physical attraction or preferences which can happen either due to arrange marriage or due to having love marriage based on good mental compatibility but lacking in physical attraction for 1 spouse.

All in all, there is no 1 simple answer or reason for lack of compatibilities. Either system can work, either can fail. It's a gamble

 

[SIPRA]

There is no simple answer, at least, in the context of Pakistan. Both approaches have their merits and demerits.

 

[waz]

Its good to see you in good health @waz.

Mashallah thank you bro.

what should seize in our community is U.K. Pakistanis returning back home getting married there to there village partners who don’t speak any English zero education and bring them over to the U.K. start having dozens kids. Reason why we are lacking behind the Indians big time in education we never seem to move forward by this practice of importing uneducated spouses to the U.K.to bring up our kids. that’s why our community is going further back to others and is just stuck in time like we are in the 80s

Hardly happens now due to the strict Home Office minimum earning requirement. Most girls and boys don't meet here it , hence matches here are now the majority. Of course you also have the social issue i.e. our grandparents generation have gone, our parents are elderly and few youngsters keep ties back home with their family as strong as their forefathers did, so hence such marriages are on the decline big time.

 

[tower9]

China in the old time is so cruel to women, do you know that small feet culture ? Even in the past Chinese Indonesian were also doing the same thing, I dont even want to seek the photo and posted in here

That doesn’t have anything to do with modern China. As you know, China underwent a huge revolution which completely transformed society. Chinese women today are among the most empowered in the world while remaining feminine. 2/3rds of the worlds self made female billionaires are in China. Almost all Chinese women work outside the home. In China, many businesses and large companies are run by women and you will find jobs normally occupied only by men in other countries filled by women like bus drivers, truck drivers, construction equipment handlers etc.

 

[waz]

Brothers stop it now thanks.
@Clutch that original post was not needed for brother and was insulting. Let's leave it now.

 

[Trango Towers]

Brothers stop it now thanks.
@Clutch that original post was needed for brother and was insulting. Let's leave it now.

Thank you ..

@cluth I hope you have a nice day. Please be careful

 

[PAKISTANFOREVER]

what should seize in our community is U.K. Pakistanis returning back home getting married there to there village partners who don’t speak any English zero education and bring them over to the U.K. start having dozens kids. Reason why we are lacking behind the Indians big time in education we never seem to move forward by this practice of importing uneducated spouses to the U.K.to bring up our kids. that’s why our community is going further back to others and is just stuck in time like we are in the 80s

Not true. Pakistanis in the UK are now much more educated and doing well than compared to the 1980s/90s.

 

[SQ8]

Was waiting for the “holier than thou” folks ostracizing others they see worse than themselves so they find some absolution in their eyes for their own lacking… wasn’t disappointed.