Stupid and Funny from all over the world

[Silent observer]

 

[Silent observer]

hope you liked it

regards

 

[Bhushan]

 

[Bhushan]

 

[Bhushan]

 

[Bhushan]

Top 22 things an Indian does after returning to India from "US".

22. Use Nope for No and Yep for Yes.

21. Tries to use credit card in road side hotel.

20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of health conscious.

19. Sprays deo such so that he doesn't need to take bath.

18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.

17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi". Says "Yogurt" instead says "Curds". Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi". Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate". Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit". Says " Free Way " instead of "Highway". Says "got to go" instead of "Have to go". Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)

16.Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.

15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)

14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 47 times).

13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.

12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee(but never says Zed)

11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!"

10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.

9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".

8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.

7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.

6.. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.

5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule".

4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.

3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.

2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.

Ultimate one:

1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."

 

[Bhushan]

Looking into future News Headlines in 2025

*POLITICS*

* President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Rahul Gandhi receive Italian Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi.
* Fight in Parliament to grab the next seat beside newly elected MPs Mallika Sheravat, Sherlyn Chopra and Rakhi Sawant.
* Mayawati all set to install her 10,000 statue in UP Assembly.
* Jayalalitha and Karunanidhi signed a 100 years deal to rotate power in Tamil Nadu every 2 years.
* Raj Thackrey and his supporters fighting for a separate state for Marathi manoos. All set to form 76th Indian state.

*TV and CINEMA*

* Dhoom-17 ready for release.
* Mein to ab bhi jawan hoon - Dev Anand's new movie set for release where he plays son of Aamir Khan Madhuri Dixit.
* After remakes of 45 films of Amitabh, Shahrukh now to play Amitabh's role in remake of 'Paa' .
* Amitabh's new movie with Shahrukh Khan's daughter 'Ek aur Nishabdh'.
* Kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi completed 2,50,000 episodes Baa has completed 111 yrs.
* A cap found in Mithi river - Sources say it belonged to a species called Himesh Reshammiya.

*SPORTS*

* Lalit Modi to inagurate IPL Season-20 next week.
* Jayasuriya celebrated his 56th birthday with a century against Australia in a T20 match.
* Coach Ganguly resigns, as India went out of The World Cup in 1st round after losing to South Korea.
* Navjot Siddhu will launch his own TV channel where he is the Host the Guest too.

*TECH*

* Maruti launches its new Hovercraft 'SX-25'. Toyota to follow.
* Hyundai launches its new car i420.
* TRAI to add another 2 digits to mobile numbers. New numbers would soon have 20 digits.
* Intel launched its latest processor Intel Core10 Trio.

*NATION*

* Petrol Rs. 900 / ltr.
* Gold touched all time high 1,00,000 mark per 10 grams.
* Temperature set to touch 60°C mark in summer this year.
* Govt subsidized vegetables by 50%. Subsidized onion to cost Rs.200 per kg.
* Textile industry incurred loses of Rs.1,000 crores. Ministry blames bollywood actress.

 

[Bhushan]

Indian way of doing Business

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

They go with a White House office to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, outraged says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

 

[Bhushan]

Was Columbus Married

Had Columbus been married,
he might have never discovered America... Because:

Where r u going?

With whom?

To discover what?

Why only u?

What do I do, when u r not here?

Can I come?

Coming back when?

Dinner ghar par hee khaoge?

Most importantly: Mere liye kya laoge?

 

[Bhushan]

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL IN PUNJABI ENGLISH ACTUAL LETTER TAKEN FROM THE TIMES OF INDIA. *RESPONSE TO A 'MARRIAGE PROPOSALS' ADVERTISEMENT!

Madam :

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket,and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay. ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. Am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do?

So I am taking things into my own hands everyday... That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.. fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim. If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich,
born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab

 

[Hasnain2009]

ahahahhahahah

 

[Bhushan]

 

[Bhushan]

 

[Bhushan]

 

[Bhushan]