Stupid and funny from all over the world - II

[xTra]

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

" But why?" asks the man.

" I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

 

[xTra]

Examiner Taking Practical Of Sardar


In bio practical:

Examiner:Tell me the name of this bird by seeing it’s legs only?

Sardar: I don’t know.

Examiner:You failed, what’s your name?

Sardar:See my legs & tell my name!!


P.S: Sorry no offense to Sardar's.

 

[xTra]

Rajinikanth Jokes

1.Rajinikanth doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
2.Rajinikanth has already been to Mars, that’s why there are no signs of life there.
3.Rajinikanth killed the dead sea.
4.If you spell ‘Rajanikant’ wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajinikanth?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
5.Rajinikanth can play the violin with a piano
6.Rajnikanth once wrote a cheque, the bank bounced!
7.Micheal Jordan to Rajini: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Rajni: Rascala; how do you think the earth spins!?
8.Rajinikanth once ordered a plate of idli in McDonald’s, and got it.
9.If Rajnikant was born 100 years earlier, British would have fought to get independence from India.
10.When Rajnikant logs on to facebook.com, facebook updates its status message!
11.Rajni once killed 20 men just by saying "BANG"
12.Rajinikanth knows Victoria’s secret.
13.Rajinikanth can divide by zero.
14.Rajinikanth has counted to infinity, twice.
15.When Rajinikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

 

[xTra]

Bad Japenese Accent


Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck
full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder: "You sign! You sign!"

Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening it, there is the same little Japanese thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?

The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard and says..."You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

 

[Frank Martin]

Let's eat...

 

[Soumitra]

 

[Soumitra]

Prem uttaar chadhaav ki vishaya vastu hai,nivesh karne se pehle kripya offer document dhyan se padhey.

 

[Safriz]

Only in Lahore

 

[Mujraparty]

 

[WAQAS119]

 

[THE MASK]

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=257067770997403

 

[Sashan]

Harley-Davidson

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur . 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ' I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, 'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'

God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?'


God said, 'Ah, yes.'

'Well,' said Arthur , 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1 There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!


'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur , 'but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

 

[Sashan]

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square, Rome.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,
Everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room
People call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room
Everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope.
When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence,
The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,


Slim,


Tall,


38" breasts,


24" waist and


34" hips.

When she walks into a room, people say, 'My God!'"

 

[user1]

 

[VelocuR]

Want to know which movie...