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Shoaib to appear on Oprah
Talk-show host enamoured of new book; to come out of retirement to host Pakistani legend
R Rajkumar
October 4, 2011
Shoaib Akhtar is all set to appear on a special one-off edition of the Oprah Winfrey Show, after the talk-show queen invited him to Chicago to discuss his newly released autobiography, Controversially Yours.
In the course of his career, Shoaib Akhtar had to overcome many obstacles and hurdles
A spokesman for Oprah confirmed that Ms Winfrey has reportedly been so moved by the book that she has decided to come out of retirement and host Shoaib in a two-hour special without commercial interruptions.
"OMG, Oprah loves the book. She can't stop talking about it to her friends. She's calling everyone up and telling them they have to read this inspirational story. We haven't seen her this excited since she first read James Frey's A Million Little Pieces."
According to unconfirmed reports, so inspired is Oprah by Shoaib's autobiography that she is also planning to revive the long defunct Oprah Book Club, just so she can promote the book. "Everyone needs to own a copy of this book. And if bringing back the Book Club means more people will read this moving story of one man's rise from difficult circumstances to successfully kick Mohammad Asif in the shins during a locker-room argument, then so be it," she said, wiping away tears.
As per the show's unofficial formula, Oprah will at first share some jokes with the Pakistani fast man, before getting down to more serious subjects.
"Shoaib is scheduled to shed some tears when Oprah asks him about a difficult period in his life," explained the spokesman. "For example, the time when Shahrukh Khan didn't return his smile when they were in the KKR dugout together. Shoaib is set to divulge that he's still receiving therapy for that. Oprah will then invite Dr Phil on stage. Oh yeah, the ratings are going to go through the roof."
Meanwhile, James Frey, whose own controversial memoir Oprah publicly took issue with (after having initially promoted it enthusiastically) upon finding that he'd fictionalised details of his life, warned Shoaib not to go.
"Dude, I don't know who the f*** you are, but don't do it," said the writer. "She's going to pull you up for every last detail and ask you if it really happened. I'm not saying that Sachin Tendulkar wasn't scared of you on the pitch like you say he was, but I am saying be prepared to prove it to that crazy psycho b****."
In keeping with the show's reputation for giving away fabulous prizes for free to audience members, Oprah has announced that each lucky member of the audience can expect to find under her seat one limited-edition designer barf bag made by Louis Vuitton.
When reached for comment, Shoaib's research assistant said the budding writer was excited about appearing on the show, and was busy trying to decide which of his accents he should use.
"Shoaib's torn between his so-called Irish accent and his uncalled-for Australian accent. But he's been busy learning American, so we may hear something new yet."
Meanwhile, a documentary on the writing of the book is said to be currently in post-production. The film, reportedly commissioned by the author himself, is said to contain extensive footage of Mr Akhtar correctly spelling the word "controversially", and he hopes to take it with him to Chicago to show Oprah.
Elsewhere, the Man Booker Prize committee has moved to allow for the last-minute addition of Controversially Yours to their 2011 award shortlist, citing the impossibility of ignoring "such a major publishing phenomenon". Interestingly, this will be the first time an autobiography will be nominated for a fiction award.
"The Booker prides itself on honoring the very finest in fiction," said a member of the award committee. "Mr Akhtar's book ticks all the right boxes, and then some. Clever plot twists, flights of imagination that are as soaring as they are hilarious, brilliant characters that can only have been made up by a creative mind at the height of its powers what's not to love? Make no mistake, this is satire of the highest quality. Plus, we liked the cover. See how the ball's held up against the author's face with the seam positioned in such a way it appears as though he's winking? That's just genius."
Former Pakistan coach Waqar Younis also liked the cover. "If only he could have held the seam that straight while bowling," he said.
In other news, the popular online shopping portal Amazon revealed that one Mr Shoaib Akhtar yesterday created multiple accounts on their website, sparking suspicions that he was preparing to write his own reviews for the book.
"Why not review it, mate?" said Akhtar in a Tongan accent, when reached for comment. "I've almost finished reading the book. It's pretty good," he added.
R Rajkumar hopes that writing about cricket helps justify his watching it as much as he does to the people in his life who wonder where the remote control's disappeared to. All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?
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Talk-show host enamoured of new book; to come out of retirement to host Pakistani legend
R Rajkumar
October 4, 2011
Shoaib Akhtar is all set to appear on a special one-off edition of the Oprah Winfrey Show, after the talk-show queen invited him to Chicago to discuss his newly released autobiography, Controversially Yours.
In the course of his career, Shoaib Akhtar had to overcome many obstacles and hurdles
A spokesman for Oprah confirmed that Ms Winfrey has reportedly been so moved by the book that she has decided to come out of retirement and host Shoaib in a two-hour special without commercial interruptions.
"OMG, Oprah loves the book. She can't stop talking about it to her friends. She's calling everyone up and telling them they have to read this inspirational story. We haven't seen her this excited since she first read James Frey's A Million Little Pieces."
According to unconfirmed reports, so inspired is Oprah by Shoaib's autobiography that she is also planning to revive the long defunct Oprah Book Club, just so she can promote the book. "Everyone needs to own a copy of this book. And if bringing back the Book Club means more people will read this moving story of one man's rise from difficult circumstances to successfully kick Mohammad Asif in the shins during a locker-room argument, then so be it," she said, wiping away tears.
As per the show's unofficial formula, Oprah will at first share some jokes with the Pakistani fast man, before getting down to more serious subjects.
"Shoaib is scheduled to shed some tears when Oprah asks him about a difficult period in his life," explained the spokesman. "For example, the time when Shahrukh Khan didn't return his smile when they were in the KKR dugout together. Shoaib is set to divulge that he's still receiving therapy for that. Oprah will then invite Dr Phil on stage. Oh yeah, the ratings are going to go through the roof."
Meanwhile, James Frey, whose own controversial memoir Oprah publicly took issue with (after having initially promoted it enthusiastically) upon finding that he'd fictionalised details of his life, warned Shoaib not to go.
"Dude, I don't know who the f*** you are, but don't do it," said the writer. "She's going to pull you up for every last detail and ask you if it really happened. I'm not saying that Sachin Tendulkar wasn't scared of you on the pitch like you say he was, but I am saying be prepared to prove it to that crazy psycho b****."
In keeping with the show's reputation for giving away fabulous prizes for free to audience members, Oprah has announced that each lucky member of the audience can expect to find under her seat one limited-edition designer barf bag made by Louis Vuitton.
When reached for comment, Shoaib's research assistant said the budding writer was excited about appearing on the show, and was busy trying to decide which of his accents he should use.
"Shoaib's torn between his so-called Irish accent and his uncalled-for Australian accent. But he's been busy learning American, so we may hear something new yet."
Meanwhile, a documentary on the writing of the book is said to be currently in post-production. The film, reportedly commissioned by the author himself, is said to contain extensive footage of Mr Akhtar correctly spelling the word "controversially", and he hopes to take it with him to Chicago to show Oprah.
Elsewhere, the Man Booker Prize committee has moved to allow for the last-minute addition of Controversially Yours to their 2011 award shortlist, citing the impossibility of ignoring "such a major publishing phenomenon". Interestingly, this will be the first time an autobiography will be nominated for a fiction award.
"The Booker prides itself on honoring the very finest in fiction," said a member of the award committee. "Mr Akhtar's book ticks all the right boxes, and then some. Clever plot twists, flights of imagination that are as soaring as they are hilarious, brilliant characters that can only have been made up by a creative mind at the height of its powers what's not to love? Make no mistake, this is satire of the highest quality. Plus, we liked the cover. See how the ball's held up against the author's face with the seam positioned in such a way it appears as though he's winking? That's just genius."
Former Pakistan coach Waqar Younis also liked the cover. "If only he could have held the seam that straight while bowling," he said.
In other news, the popular online shopping portal Amazon revealed that one Mr Shoaib Akhtar yesterday created multiple accounts on their website, sparking suspicions that he was preparing to write his own reviews for the book.
"Why not review it, mate?" said Akhtar in a Tongan accent, when reached for comment. "I've almost finished reading the book. It's pretty good," he added.
R Rajkumar hopes that writing about cricket helps justify his watching it as much as he does to the people in his life who wonder where the remote control's disappeared to. All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?
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