secularguy
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That Guy in White Shirt is a Senior Journalist - Ayaz Memon
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Can see Subrata Roy and C. Naidu in the pics. But yeah, it seems apart from businessmen and politicians, no one else was invited.
Fixing Indo-Pak matches
The media will no longer have the Ayesha, Shoaib, Sania triangle to cover. Some saw in it the stuff of legends; Heer-Ranjha, Shirin-Farhad even Romeo-Juliet sagas came to mind. If you replace the tribal societies of the ancient times with warring or nearly-at-each-others-throats-all-the-time-nations, can there be a more fierce modern parallel to the ancient blood-fests than that of Pakistan and India? No wonder then that it was all the stuff of soaps; a Dynasty and Dallas rolled into one with allegations of match-fixing in the cricket field and on the matrimonial arena as well.
There were accusations and counter accusations, denials and counter denials and conflicting claims about what constituted marriage. In fact there were so many claims and denials on all sides that in the end the dramatis personae seemed to forget what they had denied or confirmed the last time they had faced the media.
Just as the media interest was beginning to flag; Imran Malik, Shoaibs brother-in-law flew in on a rescue mission proving once again that Pakistanis, unlike us Indians, are quick to react. His rustic bravado was a fair indication that unless the issue was resolved quickly to Shoaibs satisfaction, Indians would have hell to pay. It seems that the message went home and the matter was resolved, otherwise who knows what fire breathing Imran Malik had as his back up. Perhaps Hafiz Saeed himself, after all Pakistans pride was involved as Pakistans foreign minister Qureshi had said while berating India habitually.
The Indian parties concerned have compromised and happily settled the issue. And media loves nothing better than a happy ending; especially one involving a Pakistani who takes away the booty. What he does thereafter with his trophy is his business. What happens to Ayesha who gets left behind is her business. The media is not interested in single and sad thereafter sequels. As far as the media is concerned it did a bloody good job bringing alive the angst, drama and the tension of all the parties involved, and all through it had the two nations hooked on a fast paced story.
But now that it is over, what do we do? How do average people like us occupy ourselves? But we need not despair. Human imagination is fertile and when prodded in the right direction it can work miracles. For example, we can send Pakistan a return gift. If they had sneaked a disgraced cricket player into India to entice not just one but two women, why cant we aim for at least one of theirs?
Hypothetically speaking, let us imagine that M S Dhoni is given a cricketing ban of one year for the sake of this national cause. He is then encouraged to fly across to Lahore to bring back a Pakistani tennis player as his bride. The first thing to strike him as he nears the city centre, in Lahore, is the huge billboards covered with cinema posters of the latest Lollywood film. It is not the female lead that is going to catch his attention; rather it will be the rugged leading man sporting medallions and a comic book profusion of weaponry. The women of the billboard fall into two categories; the vamp in a slinky gown holding a cigarette- holder parallel to her right shoulder, and a bleached blonde who towers over her.
When his attention shifts from this garish poster to the crowd below he is likely to observe that most women are burqa-clad; including perhaps the tennis star he has come to pursue. But before he reaches her house, Hafiz Saeeds stormtroopers step into action and kidnap our Captain Courageous for daring to cast an evil eye on a Pakistani woman.
A tutored Pakistani media swings into action. There would be theories galore of how Dhoni was a RAW agent all along; the infamous Sharm-el Sheikh document would be quoted to indoctrinate an already indoctrinated nation that the Indians are up to no good; that Dhoni was actually on his way to Balochistan. They will go on to claim that the trip to Lahore was a sideshow to put Pakistani people off the real nature of his dangerous mission.
Back home, the Indian establishment counsels patience to an anxious nation. Dhoni starts spending restless nights in some ***-infested Lashkar dungeon in Lahore, cursing himself all the while for having been taken in by a national cause.
In India, protests grow and a cricket crazy nation demands quick results. The 24/7 media blames it all on wrong policies. Since the issue has acquired the potential to topple the government, desperate measures are thought of. There is even a plan to mount a rescue operation by commandoes, but it is abandoned as being too risky. All this while, the government has been in touch with the Americans. It shares with them a protest note prepared for the Pakistanis. Americans have a cursory look at it and cast it aside as a bad piece of drafting. Its so bad, the Americans declare witheringly, that Pakistanis would neither accept it as literature nor as fiction.
Once Americans wash their hands of the affair, the Saudis step in. Anything we can do to help two Biraathers?
Yes please, India says, but please call your help interlocution, not mediation.
Why, what is in a name? You seek help. In desert it means you give something, the other side takes something. Thats fair exchange Biraather. In English, they call this mediation an interlocution. In desert, we say what is a little give and take between two Biraathers; nothing absolutely nothing. So why call it any name. The Saudi suggestion of give and take was loaded; it could even mean concessions on Kashmir at a time when Parliament was in session and Opposition baying for governments blood.
Six more months pass after Dhonis incarceration. During this period India has lost every single cricket match it has played. A series against Pakistan is due to start. The key to possible success is to somehow get Dhoni back. Without him, disastrous defeat awaits India. All seems lost, but in the nick of time Shoaib lands at the Delhi airport with Dhoni. The national mood changes immediately. Amidst that din the media manages to ask Shoaib a few questions.
How did you do it?
Simple. I made him an offer he couldnt refuse.
Who is him? The media shouted over the cacophony of Bhangra beats.
Hafiz Saeed, who else? Shoaib responded, perplexed that the Indian media should not have guessed it themselves.
What was the offer?
I promised to fix a match for him.
No, the female reporters protested, Match-fixing is illegal in India.
Shoaib looked at them in the eye, and fixing his attention on the sportiest among them he clarified, I promised Hafiz Bhai that in exchange for Dhoni, I would fix his match with a Hyderabadi girl..
About the author:
Rajiv Dogra is a former ambassador
She's a cute girl but her voice is really high pitched and screechy lol
Fixing Indo-Pak matches
The media will no longer have the Ayesha, Shoaib, Sania triangle to cover. Some saw in it the stuff of legends; Heer-Ranjha, Shirin-Farhad even Romeo-Juliet sagas came to mind. If you replace the tribal societies of the ancient times with warring or nearly-at-each-others-throats-all-the-time-nations, can there be a more fierce modern parallel to the ancient blood-fests than that of Pakistan and India? No wonder then that it was all the stuff of soaps; a Dynasty and Dallas rolled into one with allegations of match-fixing in the cricket field and on the matrimonial arena as well.
There were accusations and counter accusations, denials and counter denials and conflicting claims about what constituted marriage. In fact there were so many claims and denials on all sides that in the end the dramatis personae seemed to forget what they had denied or confirmed the last time they had faced the media.
Just as the media interest was beginning to flag; Imran Malik, Shoaibs brother-in-law flew in on a rescue mission proving once again that Pakistanis, unlike us Indians, are quick to react. His rustic bravado was a fair indication that unless the issue was resolved quickly to Shoaibs satisfaction, Indians would have hell to pay. It seems that the message went home and the matter was resolved, otherwise who knows what fire breathing Imran Malik had as his back up. Perhaps Hafiz Saeed himself, after all Pakistans pride was involved as Pakistans foreign minister Qureshi had said while berating India habitually.
The Indian parties concerned have compromised and happily settled the issue. And media loves nothing better than a happy ending; especially one involving a Pakistani who takes away the booty. What he does thereafter with his trophy is his business. What happens to Ayesha who gets left behind is her business. The media is not interested in single and sad thereafter sequels. As far as the media is concerned it did a bloody good job bringing alive the angst, drama and the tension of all the parties involved, and all through it had the two nations hooked on a fast paced story.
But now that it is over, what do we do? How do average people like us occupy ourselves? But we need not despair. Human imagination is fertile and when prodded in the right direction it can work miracles. For example, we can send Pakistan a return gift. If they had sneaked a disgraced cricket player into India to entice not just one but two women, why cant we aim for at least one of theirs?
Hypothetically speaking, let us imagine that M S Dhoni is given a cricketing ban of one year for the sake of this national cause. He is then encouraged to fly across to Lahore to bring back a Pakistani tennis player as his bride. The first thing to strike him as he nears the city centre, in Lahore, is the huge billboards covered with cinema posters of the latest Lollywood film. It is not the female lead that is going to catch his attention; rather it will be the rugged leading man sporting medallions and a comic book profusion of weaponry. The women of the billboard fall into two categories; the vamp in a slinky gown holding a cigarette- holder parallel to her right shoulder, and a bleached blonde who towers over her.
When his attention shifts from this garish poster to the crowd below he is likely to observe that most women are burqa-clad; including perhaps the tennis star he has come to pursue. But before he reaches her house, Hafiz Saeeds stormtroopers step into action and kidnap our Captain Courageous for daring to cast an evil eye on a Pakistani woman.
A tutored Pakistani media swings into action. There would be theories galore of how Dhoni was a RAW agent all along; the infamous Sharm-el Sheikh document would be quoted to indoctrinate an already indoctrinated nation that the Indians are up to no good; that Dhoni was actually on his way to Balochistan. They will go on to claim that the trip to Lahore was a sideshow to put Pakistani people off the real nature of his dangerous mission.
Back home, the Indian establishment counsels patience to an anxious nation. Dhoni starts spending restless nights in some ***-infested Lashkar dungeon in Lahore, cursing himself all the while for having been taken in by a national cause.
In India, protests grow and a cricket crazy nation demands quick results. The 24/7 media blames it all on wrong policies. Since the issue has acquired the potential to topple the government, desperate measures are thought of. There is even a plan to mount a rescue operation by commandoes, but it is abandoned as being too risky. All this while, the government has been in touch with the Americans. It shares with them a protest note prepared for the Pakistanis. Americans have a cursory look at it and cast it aside as a bad piece of drafting. Its so bad, the Americans declare witheringly, that Pakistanis would neither accept it as literature nor as fiction.
Once Americans wash their hands of the affair, the Saudis step in. Anything we can do to help two Biraathers?
Yes please, India says, but please call your help interlocution, not mediation.
Why, what is in a name? You seek help. In desert it means you give something, the other side takes something. Thats fair exchange Biraather. In English, they call this mediation an interlocution. In desert, we say what is a little give and take between two Biraathers; nothing absolutely nothing. So why call it any name. The Saudi suggestion of give and take was loaded; it could even mean concessions on Kashmir at a time when Parliament was in session and Opposition baying for governments blood.
Six more months pass after Dhonis incarceration. During this period India has lost every single cricket match it has played. A series against Pakistan is due to start. The key to possible success is to somehow get Dhoni back. Without him, disastrous defeat awaits India. All seems lost, but in the nick of time Shoaib lands at the Delhi airport with Dhoni. The national mood changes immediately. Amidst that din the media manages to ask Shoaib a few questions.
How did you do it?
Simple. I made him an offer he couldnt refuse.
Who is him? The media shouted over the cacophony of Bhangra beats.
Hafiz Saeed, who else? Shoaib responded, perplexed that the Indian media should not have guessed it themselves.
What was the offer?
I promised to fix a match for him.
No, the female reporters protested, Match-fixing is illegal in India.
Shoaib looked at them in the eye, and fixing his attention on the sportiest among them he clarified, I promised Hafiz Bhai that in exchange for Dhoni, I would fix his match with a Hyderabadi girl..
About the author:
Rajiv Dogra is a former ambassador
She's pretty, he's good looking, match made in heaven