Married or not, a woman must be herself Read more: Married or not, a woman must be h

[divya]

"Cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl" crooned Madonna in the Eighties. Fast forward to the 21st century, and we all know there is more to a marriage than love. Today's woman has become assertive about more than her rights. She also makes known her likes and dislikes with the result that society labels her as materialistic.

Rewind just a bit: the Indian mother traditionally saved the best food for her husband and children. She might have eaten cold food, sometimes the leftovers. By the time her children grew up and were able to understand their mother's likes and dislikes, she might have lost any sense of entitlement to her choices. She becomes less of an individual every time she proclaims "I live for my family". It is the same family that does not bother about what mother is eating. Is any of this necessary? Why should a woman give up her favourite things when she marries?

Even in this day and age, Indian women are expected to change their views and habits to suit the wishes of husband and in-laws. A woman who demands something or expresses a preference is considered difficult, perhaps even a 'family-breaker'.

Mridul Chatterjee, a literature teacher in Pune puts it very simply: "Marriage is like a lifetime thrown into the fire with few mantras and a boxful of dreams, career, friends, family, lifestyle all neatly packed and pushed under the bed. After she gets married, it is generally expected that a woman will never again have an opinion. I agreed to a marriage because I think it's a union of two people, not a deletion of my being."

It is ironic that women are frontrunners in almost every sphere now, but in their own homes, many are treated like second-class individuals. But the world is changing. Lawyer Sangita Pal, who will tie the knot this year, says, "A changed society needs strong women who can steadily hold the family and her profession, but in the process, doesn't lose her own identity."

Read more: Married or not, a woman must be herself - The Times of India Married or not, a woman must be herself - The Times of India

 

[Abhishek_]

women know and are fully capable of their rightful place in the society (at par with men).
it's the seventh century men that resort to cowardly tactics (violence, honor killing etc) when their supremacy is challenged.

 

[divya]

women know and are fully capable of their rightful place in the society (at par with men).
it's the seventh century men that resort to cowardly tactics (violence etc) when their supremacy is challenged.

If a man stalks a women than its age and if women just walks looking into the eyes she becomes a easy prey
if a man is having multiple affairs when unmarried then he is cool dude but if a women does so she becomes a slut in a instance.
Man want girls to be chaste after marrige but are not ready to return the favor.

 

[Abhishek_]

If a man stalks a women than its age and if women just walks looking into the eyes she becomes a easy prey
if a man is having multiple affairs when unmarried then he is cool dude but if a women does so she becomes a slut in a instance.
Man want girls to be chaste after marrige but are not ready to return the favor.

we're on the same page Di
we expect them to be virgins until marriage and suddenly they are supposed to kamasutra pros on the nuptial night..wtf!

offtopic: A key that can open many locks is called a master key
A lock that gets opened by many keys is called a shitty lock

 

[BelligerentPacifist]

If the article describes truthfully the situation of Indian women in marriage, I wouldn't like to be a married Indian woman!

 

[divya]

If the article describes truthfully the situation of Indian women in marriage, I wouldn't like to be a married Indian woman!

Depends if you like to be the one who is oppressed or the one just wakes up and fights back

 

[gubbi]

IMHO, the article is a bit of over exaggeration. Marriage is an institution of compromise. By both parties. Gone are the days where one (usually the male) was dominant and dictated the norms.

That being said, compromising with ones partner to work for a successful, a peaceful and a fulfilling married life does not equal to losing ones identity. I know many women-my mother and my aunts among them-all of whom are highly educated, but became housewives on their own accord. To raise families, requires a great deal of sacrifice. But that in no way changed their identities. Even today, they are as strong as they ever were. Not only did they raise families, most of them now started working!!

I think, somewhere along the line, some 'modern' women have started misusing their 'new found independence' all in the name of 'liberation'. Concepts of loyalty, dedication and sacrifice required for happy lives are wanting in such women. This is from my experience.

 

[divya]

IMHO, the article is a bit of over exaggeration. Marriage is an institution of compromise. By both parties. Gone are the days where one (usually the male) was dominant and dictated the norms.

That being said, compromising with ones partner to work for a successful, a peaceful and a fulfilling married life does not equal to losing ones identity. I know many women-my mother and my aunts among them-all of whom are highly educated, but became housewives on their own accord. To raise families, requires a great deal of sacrifice. But that in no way changed their identities. Even today, they are as strong as they ever were. Not only did they raise families, most of them now started working!!

I think, somewhere along the line, some 'modern' women have started misusing their 'new found independence' all in the name of 'liberation'. Concepts of loyalty, dedication and sacrifice required for happy lives are wanting in such women. This is from my experience.

why is it always for the women to make sacrifices? why cant just men quit their jobs sit back at home watching saas bahu and handle the kids or the internals of the family?

Why is it so that the husband returns from work he is tired to do any chores but when a women returns from the same office is expected to cook food too as some sort of ahsaan is being done on her if she is doing the job?

 

[gubbi]

why is it always for the women to make sacrifices? why cant just men quit their jobs sit back at home watching saas bahu and handle the kids or the internals of the family?

Honestly, I dont know. I would prefer to stay at home provided the income would remain the same or higher.

Why is it so that the husband returns from work he is tired to do any chores but when a women returns from the same office is expected to cook food too as some sort of ahsaan is being done on her if she is doing the job?

That seems to be a major misconception. I dont know where or what you saw. But what I observe with almost all my married friends and even the steady dating ones, that is definitely NOT the case. We guys do most of our household work including making tea once we get back from work, dead tired.
Are you married BTW?

 

[divya]

Honestly, I dont know. I would prefer to stay at home provided the income would remain the same or higher.

That seems to be a major misconception. I dont know where or what you saw. But what I observe with almost all my married friends and even the steady dating ones, that is definitely NOT the case. We guys do most of our household work including making tea once we get back from work, dead tired.
Are you married BTW?

Soon gonna be married but cooking wont be a problem cuz i dont know it

 

[gubbi]

Soon gonna be married but cooking wont be a problem cuz i dont know it

That explains it. Misconceptions abound about men mistreating the women folk. Infact I would go ahead and make a statement that women find it easy to manipulate men and take undue advantage of situations. I am a victim - and loving it.

Congratulations on your engagement and marriage. Best wishes.

 

[somebozo]

nobody likes material girls and they end up as trailer trash

 

[Chogy]

I grew up in a traditional family. Mom cooked and cleaned, Dad worked.

I got married to a woman who was a professional. She also cooked and cleaned while I kicked back. One week, I noticed there was a week's worth of dishes piled in the sink. We had a big fight. Her point - "I work as hard as you do all day. Why should I do it all?"

She was right. We began to share chores. Along comes three kids. We shared child-care duties.

Let me say this - I learned very quickly that taking care of toddlers makes normal adult work seem like a vacation. It was incredibly hard and mentally draining. I have the utmost respect for women who do this. They are not watching TV all day and goofing around.

I think regular day man-work is easier than taking care of house and children, and doing a good job of it.

 

[Valiant_Soul]

She becomes less of an individual every time she proclaims "I live for my family"

I think this is the most noble proclamation. The persons who do so, are executing their part well, it is the loss of others who have not/ do not do so.

Those who think that by ignoring the family members they are favoring themselves, they have really no hope.

 

[greatsequence]

I grew up in a traditional family. Mom cooked and cleaned, Dad worked.

I got married to a woman who was a professional. She also cooked and cleaned while I kicked back. One week, I noticed there was a week's worth of dishes piled in the sink. We had a big fight. Her point - "I work as hard as you do all day. Why should I do it all?"

She was right. We began to share chores. Along comes three kids. We shared child-care duties.

Let me say this - I learned very quickly that taking care of toddlers makes normal adult work seem like a vacation. It was incredibly hard and mentally draining. I have the utmost respect for women who do this. They are not watching TV all day and goofing around.

I think regular day man-work is easier than taking care of house and children, and doing a good job of it.

Both hands up.. Raising kids is a tough thing to do add dishing, cleaning, laundary and job. Sounds almost impossible I dont know how my mother managed all that.