Flintlock
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I think this question of trust is an essential one to address. Pakistan has taken "non-diplomatic" measures because it believes India doesn't really want to address the issue.
You said it yourself, "we will stay in Kashmir until we can integrate the population, and then if we fail we might come back to discuss" (paraphrasing your comments).
Well yeah, its a perfectly reasonable position.
If Kashmir returns to normalcy and development takes place, then there is no need to change things.
However, if things don't work out as planned, (and Pakistan isn't involved in any of the trouble) then India will consider a different option.
Its a far better position than "We'll pretend to care about kashmiris while we covertly send over Afghan fighters to bomb them"
With positions like that, there really is no reason for Pakistan to trust India's sincerity, and it obviates the need for diplomacy and dialog since your position indicates that you are engaging in diplomacy only to waste time, not for finding solutions.
The fact is, that all the while when India was "wasting time", so was Pakistan.
I ask this: If Pakistan was so sincere about giving freedom to Kashmir, why didn't it apply these principles to iAK?
Besides, by creating unrest and distrust in the valley, it didn't allow India the chance to integrate the valley at all.