Joke

[nitesh]

Doctor: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai?

Patient: Doctor saheb.. Pehle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor: dawai khali thi kya?

Patient : Nai doctor saheb. Dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor: Arey... mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Patient: Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur Maine le li thi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?

Patient: Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.

Doctor: Abe GADHE, Dawai KO piliya tha kya?

Patient : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.

Doctor: Abe Teri to, Dawai KO muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?

Patient: Nai doctor saheb.

Doctor: Kyon?

Patient: Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor: Teri to sale, to Khola kyon nai.

Patient: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.

Doctor: Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta!

Patient: Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Doctor : Abe teri …

 

[nitesh]

21 Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update


SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.



COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.



FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.


NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.



BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...



TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.



SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons



AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.



ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated

general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island

Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven

cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,

with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,

leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then

buys your bull.



A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.



A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty

times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.



A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.



AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.



A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.



A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.



A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.


AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.


A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.



AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....



AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.



A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

 

[U-571]

 

[U-571]

Fifty Fifty parody of Micheal jackson Billy Jean music video!!!

 

[thorosius]

Politics

A little boy went to his dad and asked, "What is politics?"

The Dad thought for a while, and then said, "Well son, let me try to explain it like this. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so you could call me Capitalism. Now think about your mum she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. Now your mum and I, we're here to take care of your needs, so we'll consider you to be the people. Nanny works very hard, so we'll call her the Working Class. And lastly, your baby brother let's call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if it makes sense!"

So the little boy went off to bed and spent all night thinking about what his dad had told him.

Later that night, the boy heard his baby brother crying, so he got up to check on him. He found that the baby had severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy went into his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he went instead to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looked through the keyhole and to his surprise saw his father in bed with the nanny. He gave up trying to wake anyone and went back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy said to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father replied, "Good son, tell me in your own words what do you think politics is all about."

The little boy said, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep s**t."

 

[thorosius]

The Wise Man and His Ostrich

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him. As he sits down, the bartender comes over and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer." He turns to the ostrich and asks, "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer, too," says the ostrich.

The bartender pours the beer and says, "That will be Rs 182 please."

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come in again, and the man says, "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change.

This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the bartender.

"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch," says the man.

"Same for me," says the ostrich.

"That will be Rs 542," says the bartender. Once again, the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change out of your pocket every time?" the bartender asks.

"Well," says the man. "Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender, "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Car, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The bartender asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."

 

[thorosius]

Unfaithful Wives!

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."

His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

 

[Black Stone]

Your mamma is sooo faat...that when she jump for joy...she got stuck!.

 

[U-571]

"The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs.""

LOL!!!

i have heard the third joke!!, anyways i dont like sex jokes, i think its like a bit crossing the limits!!.anyways keep going!!

 

[U-571]

heres some thing for a change!!

A PATHAN WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE WERE SITTING IN A RICKSHAW, AS BOTH GOT SEATED HE NOTICED THE DRIVER ADJUSTING THE MIRROR SO THAT HE CAN VIEW THE FACE OF THE LADY, INCIDENTALLY THE PATHAN SAW HIM DOING SO, GOT FURIOUS AND SAID:

“YEH DRIVER KA BACHHA, TUM KHANA KHARAB HUMKO ULLOO SAMAJHTA HAI

TUM NEECHEY UTRO PEECHEY BHAITO, RICKSHAW HUM CHALAYEGA…………………….!!!!!!!!!!.

 

[Blossom]

goofy pathan!

 

[jeypore]

A D**k and Pimple where talking about how bad there lives where. Pimple says "they put two fingers between me, and squeez me so hard until I burst." The D**k says to pimple "that's nothing, they put me in this dark cave and make me do push ups until I throw up."

 

[Imran Khan]

 

[Imran Khan]

 

[RescueRanger]

heres some thing for a change!!

A PATHAN WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE WERE SITTING IN A RICKSHAW, AS BOTH GOT SEATED HE NOTICED THE DRIVER ADJUSTING THE MIRROR SO THAT HE CAN VIEW THE FACE OF THE LADY, INCIDENTALLY THE PATHAN SAW HIM DOING SO, GOT FURIOUS AND SAID:

“YEH DRIVER KA BACHHA, TUM KHANA KHARAB HUMKO ULLOO SAMAJHTA HAI

TUM NEECHEY UTRO PEECHEY BHAITO, RICKSHAW HUM CHALAYEGA…………………….!!!!!!!!!!.

WARNING: To ladies and those who are easily offended, please avoid

Ei gaon me Pathan or Sardar machlee pakarney nikley, pathan jheel ke eik side pe or Sardar jheel to dusri side pey beth gaye or machlee pakarney laghey.

Ayse he Pathan or Sardar ke kund eik e machlee ney pakarley, thori dear bad Pathan ney pukara "yeh machli to humari hai", Sardar ney jawab dia "Nahi ye humari hai", yu tu tu mey mey sey larhri ho gaye!

Adhey ghantay bad be khoi na larhri jeeta, to pathan ne kahya eisa kartey hai key hum eik dusree key (G- Matry hai) jis ney dusri ke cheek nakhal dee to machli uske, magar shart ye hai ke hum pehl karey ga!

Sardar ko apne gherat both pyeri thi to khatey hai! Theek hai pehl tum karoo! Kher Pathan apna kam kar ke jab faruk ho ta hai to sardar puchta hai ab meri bari.

Itney me pathan us ko machli pakrata hai or kaita hai me naey jo karna tha wo kar lia ab machli janey or tum jano!

Sorry for the rudeness!