Joke

[Skull-Buster]

A sardar is doing Ph.D but does not knw on what topic to write his thesis. he is sitting in a restaurant and thinking when a cockroach passes by on the table. he gets an idea.

he puts his finger on the cockroach and pulls out one leg, lifts his finger and shouts "walk!". the poor cockroach tries to run, but sardar ji puts his finger on the cockroach again and pulls out a second leg and shouts "walk!" the poor cockroach tries to escape but again sardarji puts his finger on it and repeats the act untill only one leg of the cockroach is left, he lifts his finger and shouts "walk!". the poor cockroach tries to move around with his one leg but sardarji pulls out the last leg and shouts "walk". the poor cockroach liea there helpless.

Sardarji is happy and gets a pen and paper and writes down his thesis:

"If you pull out all the legs of a cockroach........IT BECOMES DEAF!!!"

 

[Muradk]

 

[ahussains]

Nice

 

[ahussains]

Good Jokes Posts some more new ones

 

[A.Rahman]

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

 

[A.Rahman]

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who

should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,

and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and

you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible

that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament

and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........ .."HEBREWS"

 

[Cheetah786]

DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!



Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to

go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under

the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and

I'll mail you a cheque."



"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you.

But,whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY

circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"



When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he

discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But,just

as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the

repairman go about his work.



The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant

yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain

himself any longer and yelled,


"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"


Men just don't listen !

 

[Cheetah786]

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the s*** out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

 

[Cheetah786]

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So God asked him "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said He was going to make Adam a companion & it would be a woman.
He said "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she'll cook for you &
when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She'll always agree with every decision you make, won't nag you & will
always be the first to admit she's wrong when you've had a disagreement,
she'll praise you!

She'll bear your children...

...and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of
them.

Adam asked God "What will a woman like this cost?"
God replied "An arm and a leg."
Adam asked "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history...

 

[Cheetah786]

would you have invested your money with.

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[Cheetah786]

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[Lahori paa jee]

Once a ladies hostel caught fire

It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control

and 3 hours to bring the firemen under control

 

[A.Rahman]

 

[Wounded Healer]

A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry."
Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply,
"Let's see... Fun period ... fun period ... fun no period ... worry worry worry!"

 

[Wounded Healer]

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!".........................