Featured Eid on the front-lines: the best Eid I ever had

[jaibi]

Of course, brother and thank you.

foward them please also that a man sitting abroad pray all the time for them and wish them a Eid Mubarak from deep his heart.

May Allah protect all of you.

 

[StormBreaker]

Eid on the front-lines: the best Eid I ever had
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Every day I was learning something new and there was not much time to incorporate that knowledge as Eid was coming. It was two days ago when I got the call from a senior asking me if it was possible for me to stay because another officer had a small family emergency and hailed from a region much further away from me. I had experienced other officers, much senior to me being very liberal in their support for someone in need and it was something I could not refuse.

I called home and told them I would not be able to make it this Eid and to my surprise my father was enthusiastic saying, ‘Do your job, son, we’re proud of you!’

Desi families aren’t supposed to be like that.

A free formation

The entire world changes when you’re the senior most officer in the formation. I was well liked so even the NCOs were quite happy that it was me who was staying back.

The vast empty offices and roads which we weren’t allowed to traverse felt extremely powerful to move around on.

It was quite an exhilarating experience especially signing papers in place of men much senior to me. Trust me now I know why some bureaucrats go crazy; I never thought just a sign could feel so empowering.

Experiencing your 2IC

Go to any office, any mechanic shop, any restaurant or dhaba and you’ll experience the 2IC the second man in-charge. He’s the one most people will dread because even though you wield authority he is the one who boasts about it the most. I had the fortune of having a much nicer junior be my second in-charge.

As documents came for signing, calls to be made, decisions to be done; he’d always look at my hand and seeing it free of a cigarette he’d readily offer me my favorite brand.

Prompt, ‘Sir ji, please.’ As he lit the lighter.

Being the boss is good.

Meaning of the boss

It was the evening and I got a call, ‘sir, tomorrow prayer timings have been issued, I shall send a car and I’ve prepared some points for you.’

Points for me?

After Eid prayers I was supposed to talk to the troops. I was as prepared as you are for your first board examinations. I read the paper like a robot not knowing what else to do but I saw everyone looking at me. I felt like saying something.

‘You know, I’ve never left my home city for more than a few days before my service. People around me used to say that people from each region are quite different in one way or another but I think they never really travelled either. As I’ve been with all of you for the few days I look around and I honestly don’t see a Sindhi, Punjabi, Balochi, Saraiki, Gilgati or Pakhtun; yet at the same time I see all of you. I’ve learned your beautiful languages, heard about your villages, seen the pictures of your children, wives and families. All so different but all so same at the same time. I cannot thank you enough for this experience; I’ve never felt this welcome from anywhere else. I feel at home at each region and I truly feel that I belong to a big family. So, not as your officer but as your fellow citizen, I thank each and every one of you for not making me miss home and giving me a new family of brothers! Eid Mubarak my dearest brothers! I promise to always keep this feeling in my heart and be the man all of you expect me to be and help you all to be the men you aspire to be! Pakistan Zindabad!’

This was followed by cheerful shouts and praises to Allah.

A BBQ never to miss
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The fresh meat was prepared and served in the evening as we sat around a grand fire, it was done in the traditional ways of Punjabi grandiosity, Sindhi flavors, Balochi techniques and Pakhtun zeal. I tasted food from all over Pakistan by best cooks from each region making them. My mouth still waters.

Along with that it is of course mandatory to have tea and my vice: smokes.

It was dark now and in that fire-lit environment with the clearest of skies I had many troops open up about the scars they’d carried. The friends they’d lost. The struggles of their families and the isolation sometimes they felt.

I did my best to hear everyone and tell people who wanted privacy that we’ll schedule something.

It was at this moment that I realized how privileged I have been. Majority of my friends wanted to go to the West, they wanted to go to better universities, better jobs, move to better cars, get better spouses everything was arched on this innate dissatisfaction of where they were.

In my youth, so was I but I don’t think you age by time but by experience. This was my time to grow.

I had been extremely fortunate to study and all the troubles of my life felt minuscule in front of theirs. I felt like I had never been grateful before as I felt so right now.

I’ve never been a fan of feeling guilt or gratitude or much of anything unless you can use it to fuel something in you. I felt that right now, I may not have been the best, or the most qualified but I was the only one here. It was never about being the best as much of society always seems to tell you but doing your best!

Finding meaning

It was like an Eurika moment for me. This seemed so natural; in my mind I started developing therapeutic plans for each and every one who came to talk to me. Even if I have a few seconds with them, I must leave them better than they came in. They see me as a leader and that does not mean power but responsibility. I am not older than most of them, I am not fitter than most of them, I am not better trained that most of them but I am entrusted with more responsibility.

My gratefulness will be to be the best officer I can be and my primary role is that to be a military psychologist. I will do my best from here onward.

That feeling has never left me. In the tribulations of life that I faced; I always go back to the best Eid I have ever had.

I hope this little personal piece finds you well and helps you in your times of need.

Interesting,
So, Mr. Psychologist , It is great you mentioned the “Now I understand why bureaucrats go crazy just because of signature and authority”.

When this thought came to your mind, Normally the positive and negative thoughts clash at these times. Reason being, I have also experienced authority and the feeling is different, But what I brought immediately to my mind was that, This authority is merely nothing and just considered as myself of a manager. This way, I cleaned my mind of the sudden pride I earlier felt and came back to normal.

Would love to hear your version on this.

Problem with Pakistanis mostly and generally humans is the negativity heightens upon gaining authority.

How did you explain yourself ?

 

[denel]

Not being a military professional, I dare not comment.

During my long carrier, I have on one occasion run a large oil storage terminal employing more than 100 engineering & skilled regular staff and quite a few contract laborers.

Since good housekeeping and safety is of paramount importance, I made sure that I personally chaired all the meetings on safety. Most of the other work was largely delegated, however, I would support all of my staff in the presence of outsiders and never insult anyone in the presence of others. All 'chewing up' was done on one to basis if any of my assistants was culpable.

In my other senior assignments, the staff was fewer in number but were professional engineers and the managerial work consisted mostly of liaison between the departments and ensuring that the jobs were satisfactorily performed. I was what the books define as 'Psychological distant manager'. Implying a cordial & fair relationship but never too chummy with the subordinates.

It would be quite different in the services where the leaders are often sending the juniors to their deaths. You should, therefore, lead by example and make men under your command trust you with their lives. The above example indicates how it should be done.

That is exactly it; my CO said to me on the day i reported to him, 'son, i will not ask of you, what I cannot do myself.'. Till today i use that motto. During many missions i was with him, he was there. I also remember another quote from him 'in my unit, you throw away your personal belief, colour difference, religion - you are all one and same and you will be relying on each other from this day onwards'. Salute to that old man, i cried when i found out he had a stroke and died. I could not reach his funeral on time and till today; i pass that same messages to those i trained and worked with in outside life. I would always see him with a twining of blue steel wire... always kept with him. Never could understand why, but when we went into the bush ops - i realised his style - that thing you can make anything out of it.

Dont do the talk, Walk the walk friends, you will be respected.

 

[jaibi]

I was always driven to history and therefore the study of characters who made it what it is. I used to love literature with representations of historical figures. What I found interesting was that one of the greatest motivators of human behaviour is power. I wrote my own inquiry over here on PDF back then. This was before I joined any organization but was a student. I had studied for this moment very intimately. I once read that a great historical figure say, 'women and power only reveal what the man truly is.' Therefore, when I was opposed by this side of mine. I knew exactly what to do and so did.

Interesting,
So, Mr. Psychologist , It is great you mentioned the “Now I understand why bureaucrats go crazy just because of signature and authority”.

When this thought came to your mind, Normally the positive and negative thoughts clash at these times. Reason being, I have also experienced authority and the feeling is different, But what I brought immediately to my mind was that, This authority is merely nothing and just considered as myself of a manager. This way, I cleaned my mind of the sudden pride I earlier felt and came back to normal.

Would love to hear your version on this.

Problem with Pakistanis mostly and generally humans is the negativity heightens upon gaining authority.

How did you explain yourself ?