What's new

Calamity Kamran seems undroppable

desiman

SENIOR MEMBER
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Messages
3,957
Reaction score
0
How to approach this politely? Ian Chappell was pretty polite. "If his batting was as good as Don Bradman's," he said on air, "he couldn't score enough runs to make up for what he costs them with his keeping."

Osman Samiuddin in Pallekele
120276.2.jpg


Kamran Akmal will be under intense scrutiny after his miserable performance in the first Test, Edgbaston, August 5, 2010
Despite consistently letting his side down, Kamran Akmal has been a mainstay of Pakistan's team over the last few years

How to approach this politely? Ian Chappell was pretty polite. "If his batting was as good as Don Bradman's," he said on air, "he couldn't score enough runs to make up for what he costs them with his keeping."

There are many ways in which the depth of denial in Pakistan - in all spheres of life - presents itself to the observer. No better example of it exists than the continued presence of Kamran Akmal in the side, the man to whom Chappell refers so politely. The world knows the worth of Akmal as a wicketkeeper: to be short, he is not one anymore. He is, to steal and twist the wonderful sledge Jimmy Ormond dished out to Mark Waugh once, not even the best wicketkeeper in his family. He's not even the second-best: Umar Akmal has looked safer than him on the occasions he has kept.

Yet as Pakistan has changed everything about its cricket over the last four years - captains, selectors, chairmen, players, coaches - Akmal has remained unchanged, unchallenged in his incompetency. Until the beginning of Pakistan's last summer in England, when there was still a will left to count, he was fluffing comfortably more than one chance per Test: 32 in 25 Tests. His ODI rate cannot be far behind.

There appears no sane reason for it and even an insane one right now would be handy. Shoaib Malik thought him the second-best wicketkeeper-batsman behind Adam Gilchrist during his captaincy, a hallucination rather than delusion. The pair are close, so nepotism was as good a reason as any. But what were the reasons for Younis Khan, Mohammad Yousuf, Salman Butt and now, Shahid Afridi to persist with him?

After every show of calamity, when the question is put to anyone in charge, the response is to say it is only one match, that everyone drops a catch occasionally, or the line Waqar Younis trotted out today, that we can't just blame the one person. We can at least blame those who keep selecting him. Those who argue that he compensates with his batting will kindly direct themselves to the brutality of Chappell's verdict: no amount of runs can make up for the matches, and as importantly the moments in matches, he has lost.

The few times he has been dropped in the last four years - for the Asia Cup 2008, after the Australia tour last year, during the English summer - the performances leading into it have been so monumentally negligent that not dropping him might have risked the kind of revolution in Pakistan seen in the Arab world. It would probably take that still to shift him.

In any case he has returned back to the side at the first opportunity. Whether they forget or choose to overlook his errors is irrelevant: it is criminal in both cases. He sneaked into this squad only after being cleared by a board integrity committee. A wicketkeeping committee might have been better placed to rule on it.

Akmal's three misses - two off Ross Taylor - set the tone for the rest of the innings, Pakistan's most bedraggled performance in the field in this tournament so far. Their last one, against Sri Lanka, was sparked incidentally by two missed stumpings.

Short of injuring Akmal and sending him back, the only option Pakistan could explore is to play the younger Akmal as a wicketkeeper. In keeping with the cautious nature of the team's leaders, that seems unlikely. Asked whether they would consider it, Waqar Younis said, "After the World Cup maybe we can think about it, but we are in the middle of the tournament and I don't think we can make such a change. We have five days off in which we will try to rectify his mistakes because in such a short time we can't rectify all mistakes. We can't kick him out at the moment, we can try to make him better for the next game and make sure he won't make the same mistakes."

Meanwhile, the state of denial Pakistan remains in about the balance of its side should also take a few knocks here, hopefully. They persist in playing a specialist bowler short to buffer their batting. Playing a batsman at eight - Abdul Razzaq may open the bowling but he is no opening bowler, as tournament figures of 21-4-111-1 testify - has not helped their batting much in their last two games, precisely the situations the strategy is aimed at. Razzaq's 62 will, no doubt, be used as justification at some point in the future.

When Umar Gul had to be bowled out during the batting Powerplay - and his fine bowling will not even be a footnote - it left the last four overs to be bowled by someone who wasn't Gul. Those four overs, shared by Razzaq, Shoaib Akhtar and Abdur Rehman, went for 92. Razzaq's four overs of the day went for 49, "a bit off-colour" Waqar said: a little yes, like black and white.

Yet the top order collapse seemed to confirm to Pakistan they need the batting. "We were 120-7 so we were short of batsmen," Waqar said. "I think 300 was chaseable. We can't afford to have another bowler in the side, as we are playing with six if you consider Mohammad Hafeez and Razzaq. I don't think we can manage another bowler."


New Zealand v Pakistan: Calamity Kamran seems undroppable | Cricket Features | ICC Cricket World Cup 2011 | ESPN Cricinfo
 
he can do anything for money................
the 12th player of opponent team.
 
kamran is hell worst, but if pcb cant remove ijaz butt, pcb well cant remove kamran esp during the world cup, we and waqar will have to deal with it..
 
this is a big pain for pakistan team kamran he is useless he just playing for dropping catches he is useless player dont know how to bat plays rash shots what is in him make him cricketter just nothing
 
Why Kamran stays
The top 10 possible reasons why Pakistan's keeper has retained his position despite four and a half years of drops, missed stumpings, allegations of corruption, and remarks about his physical appearance

1. It's the biggest hustle in history
Kamran has set you up. Come squeaky-bum time, i.e. the quarters and beyond, batsmen will poke outside off and dance down the wicket without a care in the world, secure that the Pakistan keeper will fluff everything that comes his way. But the real Kamran will suddenly emerge, taking impossible stumpings and diving catches like a brown Ian Healy on PCP. Of course, pigs might fly too, and Bal Thackeray might garland the Pakistan team on the streets of Mumbai, and Ravi Shastri might complete a sentence without a cliché.

2. Sheer national arrogance
Having already won a World Cup, Pakistan want a challenge. They want to make a statement that will last for eternity. They want to leapfrog the Spartans in the pantheon of mythic warrior-victors. What better way to do this than by winning with the worst wicketkeeper in the history of all cricket in all places, including back gardens, grungy alleyways and long office corridors.

3. Chopsticks
There must be something Kamran has done to have convinced five captains and numerous selection committees to give him a go. It might be a circus trick in training, behind closed doors, an act of genius that hypnotises otherwise sensible men, such as Inzamam-ul-Haq and Mohsin Khan. Or maybe he once had a long Chinese lunch with Ijaz Butt and did a Mr Miagi. That would fool anyone, especially a fool.

4. He scored a series-winning Test century against India from 39 for 6
Get under the skin of India and you're set for life in Pakistan. (Shoaib Malik seems to be an extreme exception to this rule.)

5. Brotherly love
Umar Akmal has become essential to Pakistan's middle order, providing much-needed impetus and energy. He might've said he won't play unless Kamran is in the side, thus picking one of two options available to Pakistani brothers: either love each other a little too much with unstinting loyalty, or squabble over the family inheritance and communicate exclusively in fistfights.

6. He's just going through a bad patch
Anyone who watched Barcelona last night will seriously consider if this is the best team in the history of club football. Yet Barcelona didn't win La Liga between 2000 and 2004. Now recall that four years ago Kamran was all set to be the best keeper-batsman in the world. Cricket world, I present Kamran Akmal: Mes Que Un Keeper.

7. Monopoly
The last three men to keep wicket for Pakistan were all Akmals. Along with blasphemy and copyright, the country might also consider tweaks to its laws about fair competition.

8. A Waqar masterplan
In an attempt to encourage his team to bowl straight, coach Waqar Younis has insisted on persevering with a keeper less likely to take a catch than Geoffrey Boycott's grandmother. Waqar took 56% of his international wickets either bowled or lbw. Perhaps he is being a little too didactic in his "do as I did" ways. I mean, come on Waqar, they're not ten-year-olds. (Having said that, I have not checked Ahmed Shehzad's birth certificate; his shot selection certainly indicates a pre-pubescent mindset.)

9. He's actually a "kali bakri"
Pakistanis are a spiritual people - and superstitious. Kamran is there to condense all the evil energy directed at the team into one person. He's a tough little munchkin and he can take it. Thus the team can excel, free of all bad vibes, while Kamran gets the nation's goat.

10. His replacement ran away to a curry house in England in fear of organised crime
This sentence looks absurd but it is here, friends, that the jokes come to a crashing stop and reality intercedes. We might just have been stumped by the most plausible explanation.


Source: http://www.espncricinfo.com/page2/content/story/504914.html
 
Why Kamran stays
The top 10 possible reasons why Pakistan's keeper has retained his position despite four and a half years of drops, missed stumpings, allegations of corruption, and remarks about his physical appearance

1. It's the biggest hustle in history
Kamran has set you up. Come squeaky-bum time, i.e. the quarters and beyond, batsmen will poke outside off and dance down the wicket without a care in the world, secure that the Pakistan keeper will fluff everything that comes his way. But the real Kamran will suddenly emerge, taking impossible stumpings and diving catches like a brown Ian Healy on PCP. Of course, pigs might fly too, and Bal Thackeray might garland the Pakistan team on the streets of Mumbai, and Ravi Shastri might complete a sentence without a cliché.

2. Sheer national arrogance
Having already won a World Cup, Pakistan want a challenge. They want to make a statement that will last for eternity. They want to leapfrog the Spartans in the pantheon of mythic warrior-victors. What better way to do this than by winning with the worst wicketkeeper in the history of all cricket in all places, including back gardens, grungy alleyways and long office corridors.

3. Chopsticks
There must be something Kamran has done to have convinced five captains and numerous selection committees to give him a go. It might be a circus trick in training, behind closed doors, an act of genius that hypnotises otherwise sensible men, such as Inzamam-ul-Haq and Mohsin Khan. Or maybe he once had a long Chinese lunch with Ijaz Butt and did a Mr Miagi. That would fool anyone, especially a fool.

4. He scored a series-winning Test century against India from 39 for 6
Get under the skin of India and you're set for life in Pakistan. (Shoaib Malik seems to be an extreme exception to this rule.)

5. Brotherly love
Umar Akmal has become essential to Pakistan's middle order, providing much-needed impetus and energy. He might've said he won't play unless Kamran is in the side, thus picking one of two options available to Pakistani brothers: either love each other a little too much with unstinting loyalty, or squabble over the family inheritance and communicate exclusively in fistfights.

6. He's just going through a bad patch
Anyone who watched Barcelona last night will seriously consider if this is the best team in the history of club football. Yet Barcelona didn't win La Liga between 2000 and 2004. Now recall that four years ago Kamran was all set to be the best keeper-batsman in the world. Cricket world, I present Kamran Akmal: Mes Que Un Keeper.

7. Monopoly
The last three men to keep wicket for Pakistan were all Akmals. Along with blasphemy and copyright, the country might also consider tweaks to its laws about fair competition.

8. A Waqar masterplan
In an attempt to encourage his team to bowl straight, coach Waqar Younis has insisted on persevering with a keeper less likely to take a catch than Geoffrey Boycott's grandmother. Waqar took 56% of his international wickets either bowled or lbw. Perhaps he is being a little too didactic in his "do as I did" ways. I mean, come on Waqar, they're not ten-year-olds. (Having said that, I have not checked Ahmed Shehzad's birth certificate; his shot selection certainly indicates a pre-pubescent mindset.)

9. He's actually a "kali bakri"
Pakistanis are a spiritual people - and superstitious. Kamran is there to condense all the evil energy directed at the team into one person. He's a tough little munchkin and he can take it. Thus the team can excel, free of all bad vibes, while Kamran gets the nation's goat.

10. His replacement ran away to a curry house in England in fear of organised crime
This sentence looks absurd but it is here, friends, that the jokes come to a crashing stop and reality intercedes. We might just have been stumped by the most plausible explanation.

9th point is marvellous,i cant stop laughing:rofl:
 
Yar 19 March to kisi Australian cricket player ki birthday tau nahi ha zara pata kar ka batana: From Kamran Akmal
 
Why Kamran stays
The top 10 possible reasons why Pakistan's keeper has retained his position despite four and a half years of drops, missed stumpings, allegations of corruption, and remarks about his physical appearance

1. It's the biggest hustle in history
Kamran has set you up. Come squeaky-bum time, i.e. the quarters and beyond, batsmen will poke outside off and dance down the wicket without a care in the world, secure that the Pakistan keeper will fluff everything that comes his way. But the real Kamran will suddenly emerge, taking impossible stumpings and diving catches like a brown Ian Healy on PCP. Of course, pigs might fly too, and Bal Thackeray might garland the Pakistan team on the streets of Mumbai, and Ravi Shastri might complete a sentence without a cliché.

2. Sheer national arrogance
Having already won a World Cup, Pakistan want a challenge. They want to make a statement that will last for eternity. They want to leapfrog the Spartans in the pantheon of mythic warrior-victors. What better way to do this than by winning with the worst wicketkeeper in the history of all cricket in all places, including back gardens, grungy alleyways and long office corridors.

3. Chopsticks
There must be something Kamran has done to have convinced five captains and numerous selection committees to give him a go. It might be a circus trick in training, behind closed doors, an act of genius that hypnotises otherwise sensible men, such as Inzamam-ul-Haq and Mohsin Khan. Or maybe he once had a long Chinese lunch with Ijaz Butt and did a Mr Miagi. That would fool anyone, especially a fool.

4. He scored a series-winning Test century against India from 39 for 6
Get under the skin of India and you're set for life in Pakistan. (Shoaib Malik seems to be an extreme exception to this rule.)

5. Brotherly love
Umar Akmal has become essential to Pakistan's middle order, providing much-needed impetus and energy. He might've said he won't play unless Kamran is in the side, thus picking one of two options available to Pakistani brothers: either love each other a little too much with unstinting loyalty, or squabble over the family inheritance and communicate exclusively in fistfights.

6. He's just going through a bad patch
Anyone who watched Barcelona last night will seriously consider if this is the best team in the history of club football. Yet Barcelona didn't win La Liga between 2000 and 2004. Now recall that four years ago Kamran was all set to be the best keeper-batsman in the world. Cricket world, I present Kamran Akmal: Mes Que Un Keeper.

7. Monopoly
The last three men to keep wicket for Pakistan were all Akmals. Along with blasphemy and copyright, the country might also consider tweaks to its laws about fair competition.

8. A Waqar masterplan
In an attempt to encourage his team to bowl straight, coach Waqar Younis has insisted on persevering with a keeper less likely to take a catch than Geoffrey Boycott's grandmother. Waqar took 56% of his international wickets either bowled or lbw. Perhaps he is being a little too didactic in his "do as I did" ways. I mean, come on Waqar, they're not ten-year-olds. (Having said that, I have not checked Ahmed Shehzad's birth certificate; his shot selection certainly indicates a pre-pubescent mindset.)

9. He's actually a "kali bakri"
Pakistanis are a spiritual people - and superstitious. Kamran is there to condense all the evil energy directed at the team into one person. He's a tough little munchkin and he can take it. Thus the team can excel, free of all bad vibes, while Kamran gets the nation's goat.

10. His replacement ran away to a curry house in England in fear of organised crime
This sentence looks absurd but it is here, friends, that the jokes come to a crashing stop and reality intercedes. We might just have been stumped by the most plausible explanation.


Source: Imran Yusuf: Why Kamran stays | Page 2 | ESPN Cricinfo

+1.

The 9 th point is hilarious and point 4 is valid in India too :P
 
A Waqar masterplan
In an attempt to encourage his team to bowl straight, coach Waqar Younis has insisted on persevering with a keeper less likely to take a catch than Geoffrey Boycott's grandmother. Waqar took 56% of his international wickets either bowled or lbw. Perhaps he is being a little too didactic in his "do as I did" ways. I mean, come on Waqar, they're not ten-year-olds. (Having said that, I have not checked Ahmed Shehzad's birth certificate; his shot selection certainly indicates a pre-pubescent mindset.)
If waqar is defending this guy then his name is written on stones around his house....public won't leave him alone....lolzzzz
 
Back
Top Bottom