Well thank you Sir, you have no idea how much these words means to me.
I have to confess thou that I was not always so enlightened, there is a story behind it.
One fateful day, I was just surfing over the internet and stumbled upon a Zee News news clip bashing Pakistan and how India is going to destroy it in 10 Qadams. As was the norm I let out a Gaali, a really nasty one.
And then went out to get myself a Paan to calm my nerves. As I was returning from Pappu Paan shop while adding to the beauty of my city through my pichkaris I saw a girl, a really beautiful one.
Oh man I tell you I have never seen such a beauty in my life. Her eyes were like that of a gazelle and her hairs were silky black, I could not stop looking at her and then she smiled. I totally fell, not in her love put into a sewage gutter left open by municipal corporation, f*** them.
Oh the smell was awful, stench of millions of s***s, and I was vomiting and screaming, I could hear people up there and someone was shouting grab the rope son, but I thought I would die of the stench.
Then something happened, I could not smell the shit anymore.
I grabbed the rope and they pulled me out. As soon as I was out there, the smell that my dress and body or more appropriately the shit on my dress and body was emitting made people sick, one even started vomiting and said "Abay roza kharab kara diya yaar"
And then it came to me that its Ramadan so why was I not fasting and worse why was I chewing paan in the open, and even worse why was I looking at a Na Mehram girl like that. Oh I am a sinner. And perhaps falling in that gutter was a divine punishment.
Anyway, so I made my way to home and rang the bell. My father came out, he immediately put a handkerchief to his nose and told me to f*** off as he did not require any help with the gutters.
Shocked by his reaction, I could only muster the strength to cry "Baba its me". Now it was his turn to get shocked, he yelled why the hell you are calling me Baba. Emotionally hurt, I replied because you are my father.
And then he gave a historic answer " Mana meri aulad gandi hai per itni bhi nahi"
I was devastated and started crying, unknowingly to me those tears gushing out of my eyes washed most of the shit that was covering my face. My father, who was standing there all confused, yelled "Bablu Tu" and I replied "Gee Baba".
"What the hell happened to you" he asked. So I told him my story that I was going to the mosque for some bonus praying and fell into the gutter on my way there.
He laughed hysterically and instead of rushing to help his filthy, stinking son, he started calling all the family members, so they all came and laughed at me as if it was their religious duty. Hell even some people from neighboring houses came out too, including couple of girls that I was totally planning to hit on, but now it seemed a futile exercise, I would die a virgin.
Any way once they had their laughs, my elder brother brought a pipe and started washing me; they all took turns to do that.
You know what the most devastating part was, my 3 years old niece who just started really making sentences came to me and said "Chachu Ganday" and it was devastating because I knew right then that my humiliation will not end with the death of all of my family members who were actually older to me. But instead will last my whole life as my niece will be there to remind me of it even when I am old, wrinkled and totally pious (In sha ALLAH).
I really dragged it did not I, any way coming back to the real story, so after my humiliation I returned to my room and after washing myself and changing the clothes, I put a lot of cologne on myself, I literally emptied the bottle. But the funny thing is that I could not smell it as that sense was still numb because of the ordeal I went through.
To get some respite, I opened my laptop and the clip was still there, Zee news with its 10 Qadams againt Pakistan. I was about to let out another nasty punjabi gaali, but I did not. Perhaps it was because of Ramadan but perhaps not as I was not really fasting.
And I don't know why I replayed the clip, they were bashing Pakistan, they were calling it the home of evil and I could not hate that, I let out a Fart and I could not smell that either. Then they talked about how India is going to destroy my homeland, I could not feel the anger and disgust, then my dog barked and I saw he has pooped on the floor right next to me, but strangely I could not smell that either. I completely watched clip again and again and I was ok with it.
So that is the secret my friend, with shit in my brain I totally became immune to all the filth that is thrown at me by Zee News or rest of the Indian news channels and I can totally appreciate them. Unfortunately for Zee News not enough of the Pakistani's and even Indians for that matter fall into gutters in their lifetime. If they did and they all had shit in their brains they would have appreciated the Zee News for the quality news outlet it is.
P.S SORRY dude its a really long roza, needed an activity to keep me busy, dear mods please let this one go, this one time.
BEST POST EVER!! 
