Stupid & Funny from Around the World :Continued
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Windjammer
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Sharif Family enjoying free marketing in USA. Maybe the city mayor is in their pocket.
jamahir
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A NATO supporter dissing a NATO creation :
Now I never really understood what these crack head sounding religious dudes meant when they said the words ‘free-mixing’. So when a religious heavy weight, known as ‘Dawah Man’ criticised a group of Muslims for free mixing at a Syrian Demo, I decided to find out more.
Free mixing was a bad thing, I knew this instinctively, as anytime, anyone of these religious looking dudes said both the words ‘free’ and ‘mix’ together, they would get a glazed look about them, as if they were in a trance. This would lead to a involuntary licking of lips, which would lead to a wide oily smile, one was never sure if they were disgusted or fantasising about it.
So I did what any respectable Muslim would do in my position. I took advice from a holy dude in Birmingham (before you ask, yes he had a proper beard, so he clearly knew his stuff). Anyway it turns out that those two words were, and this may shock you — code for ‘wanting to have an orgy, disco, boogie down’ — but usually just good old nookie!
Now you know. So next time, when one of these religious dudes comes up to you and whispers; “Bro I went to the demonstration against Syria and people were free mixing with me’ what he is actually means is: “Bro I went to the demo and everyone there really wanted to have an orgy with me”.
See how much sense that makes.
Anyway, when I found out that Dawah Man had agreed to have an interview with me, I was ecstatic. I wanted to destroy his bigoted views, prove to the world what a charlatan he was, I had everything to gain and he everything to lose.
What I did not know at the time, was that I would end up becoming one of his disciples and how he would change my life and restore my sense of self esteem.
Now I know some of you who are not as knowledgeable as Dawah Man, are right about now, sitting in disbelief, thinking something like — “Wth, I went to that Demo for Syria, because people are dying in Aleppo!”
So, in the interests of my readers I put these excuses to him:
Me: Is there any chance at all, that the people who went to a demo, went to go …for a demo?
DM: “No. They went to that demo for an orgy — fact”.
Me: “But how can you know for sure”
DM: “The evidence is clear cut, I saw people talking from a moving car — Wallahi, I can prove I was in a car, and it moved — fact bro.”
The logic was faultless, I couldn’t argue. He had all the angles covered. Even though he had convinced me, he continued, because he likes to make sure people understand simple things:
“Wallahi!” Why else would MEN AND WOMEN, be standing around AT NIGHT, , OUTSIDE AN EMBASSY — doesn't that sound even a little bit suspicious to you”.
I had to admit, it did sound suspicious. But I knew my readers would want me to push Dawah Man for answers, so I continued:
Me: “But why would they go to a Demo to hit the jackpot, why not go to a disco, trust me, there is some good stuff going on there brother- proper fitna”
DM: Bro do I look like I am in a boyband?
Me: What? No, I dont think so, why?
DM: No its just some girls think I am in a boyband, you know, like they see me and they get all crazy. Wallahi, some girl left a comment on my Facebook page, that I was like all 5 members of a boyband rolled into one — with a beard. She is right, but I didn’t want to encourage fitna. Girls say, I am walking fitna. Did I tell you I can rap?
Me: Er, yeah, great….thanks, but back to business bro, why a demo?
DM: “Look up the word gullible in the dictionary bro! The word starts with a “G” Not many people know that. Anyway, these people are lying and I caught them all out for the sake of the deen. I mean if a sister, really cared about Syria, why not protest at home, in her own room, alone, where I can’t see how hot she is- I mean why has she got to come on to me like that? Huh — ANSWER THAT!”
Me: A sister came onto you from the demo?
DM: No, I was in a moving car, had my pajamas on, cold outside bro, but I was thinking, what if she had come on to me, you know, like all girly and nice, flashing her eyes and ting!
Me: Oooo-k moving on, now some people have pointed out, that there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for men and women to talk, other than planning pre-marital nookie with a total stranger? Like maybe they were talking to their actual wives, or needed to find out the other person's view on Syria, or had an Uncle in Nigeria who just needed £5000 dollars to get access to a million pounds in gold, in a bank account he held and who would be willing to share that once he had your bank details.
DM: “Wallah that is Bull S***. Bro, follow the pious dudes bro, it is a well known Islamic principle bro, that we take the most offensive and negative thought that crosses our mind and project that negative thought on anyone who happens to be around you. Well known bro, everyone knows, its agreed upon bro. Do you know more than everyone bro, can you speak Arabic bro — can you?
He was right, I didn’t know Arabic — how could I even think without knowing Arabic. I felt really stupid. Then he hit me with a life changing revelation.
DM: What if I told you, that you were holier than everyone else, what if I told you, that the worse you thought about your fellow man, the better you would feel about yourself!
Me: You mean, everyone else is going to hell but me? Basically, I am not as crap as everyone else! — I see the light!
DM: Exactly! thats the spirit. That's the secret of my success, making you feel you are better than everyone else —and more importantly making sure you tell them how crap they all are. I can do that for you bro, for just £50 in my next lecture.
All these years of feeling worthless, fell away. I now had the key to feeling superior to everyone else, and more importantly, making them feel worthless at the same time! I could project my dirtiest thoughts on everyone else for the sake of the deen! — I felt truly blessed.
Before I would see someone buying milk in Tesco’s —now, with my eyes open and my mind working overtime for the sake of the deen, I could see the inner reality! A woman, hitting on the cashier, and rubbing up against the till in order to try to book an illicit holiday on the cheap on club 18–30's!
Bloody free mixing for a pint of milk — what next! Sick society! I will have to give her some Dawah of my own sometime!
But one thing continued to bug me.
How did Dawah man go to the shops or buy anything if he was so against free mixing. His answer showed me the beauty and wisdom of his character:
“No bro, I ring a bell and my wife gets all my shit”
Couldn’t argue with that.
Asghar Bukhari Interviews Dawah Man Over Free Mixing Comments
Now I never really understood what these crack head sounding religious dudes meant when they said the words ‘free-mixing’. So when a religious heavy weight, known as ‘Dawah Man’ criticised a group of Muslims for free mixing at a Syrian Demo, I decided to find out more.
Free mixing was a bad thing, I knew this instinctively, as anytime, anyone of these religious looking dudes said both the words ‘free’ and ‘mix’ together, they would get a glazed look about them, as if they were in a trance. This would lead to a involuntary licking of lips, which would lead to a wide oily smile, one was never sure if they were disgusted or fantasising about it.
So I did what any respectable Muslim would do in my position. I took advice from a holy dude in Birmingham (before you ask, yes he had a proper beard, so he clearly knew his stuff). Anyway it turns out that those two words were, and this may shock you — code for ‘wanting to have an orgy, disco, boogie down’ — but usually just good old nookie!
Now you know. So next time, when one of these religious dudes comes up to you and whispers; “Bro I went to the demonstration against Syria and people were free mixing with me’ what he is actually means is: “Bro I went to the demo and everyone there really wanted to have an orgy with me”.
See how much sense that makes.
Anyway, when I found out that Dawah Man had agreed to have an interview with me, I was ecstatic. I wanted to destroy his bigoted views, prove to the world what a charlatan he was, I had everything to gain and he everything to lose.
What I did not know at the time, was that I would end up becoming one of his disciples and how he would change my life and restore my sense of self esteem.
The Interview
Now I know some of you who are not as knowledgeable as Dawah Man, are right about now, sitting in disbelief, thinking something like — “Wth, I went to that Demo for Syria, because people are dying in Aleppo!”
So, in the interests of my readers I put these excuses to him:
Me: Is there any chance at all, that the people who went to a demo, went to go …for a demo?
DM: “No. They went to that demo for an orgy — fact”.
Me: “But how can you know for sure”
DM: “The evidence is clear cut, I saw people talking from a moving car — Wallahi, I can prove I was in a car, and it moved — fact bro.”
The logic was faultless, I couldn’t argue. He had all the angles covered. Even though he had convinced me, he continued, because he likes to make sure people understand simple things:
“Wallahi!” Why else would MEN AND WOMEN, be standing around AT NIGHT, , OUTSIDE AN EMBASSY — doesn't that sound even a little bit suspicious to you”.
I had to admit, it did sound suspicious. But I knew my readers would want me to push Dawah Man for answers, so I continued:
Me: “But why would they go to a Demo to hit the jackpot, why not go to a disco, trust me, there is some good stuff going on there brother- proper fitna”
DM: Bro do I look like I am in a boyband?
Me: What? No, I dont think so, why?
DM: No its just some girls think I am in a boyband, you know, like they see me and they get all crazy. Wallahi, some girl left a comment on my Facebook page, that I was like all 5 members of a boyband rolled into one — with a beard. She is right, but I didn’t want to encourage fitna. Girls say, I am walking fitna. Did I tell you I can rap?
Me: Er, yeah, great….thanks, but back to business bro, why a demo?
DM: “Look up the word gullible in the dictionary bro! The word starts with a “G” Not many people know that. Anyway, these people are lying and I caught them all out for the sake of the deen. I mean if a sister, really cared about Syria, why not protest at home, in her own room, alone, where I can’t see how hot she is- I mean why has she got to come on to me like that? Huh — ANSWER THAT!”
Me: A sister came onto you from the demo?
DM: No, I was in a moving car, had my pajamas on, cold outside bro, but I was thinking, what if she had come on to me, you know, like all girly and nice, flashing her eyes and ting!
Me: Oooo-k moving on, now some people have pointed out, that there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for men and women to talk, other than planning pre-marital nookie with a total stranger? Like maybe they were talking to their actual wives, or needed to find out the other person's view on Syria, or had an Uncle in Nigeria who just needed £5000 dollars to get access to a million pounds in gold, in a bank account he held and who would be willing to share that once he had your bank details.
DM: “Wallah that is Bull S***. Bro, follow the pious dudes bro, it is a well known Islamic principle bro, that we take the most offensive and negative thought that crosses our mind and project that negative thought on anyone who happens to be around you. Well known bro, everyone knows, its agreed upon bro. Do you know more than everyone bro, can you speak Arabic bro — can you?
He was right, I didn’t know Arabic — how could I even think without knowing Arabic. I felt really stupid. Then he hit me with a life changing revelation.
DM: What if I told you, that you were holier than everyone else, what if I told you, that the worse you thought about your fellow man, the better you would feel about yourself!
Me: You mean, everyone else is going to hell but me? Basically, I am not as crap as everyone else! — I see the light!
DM: Exactly! thats the spirit. That's the secret of my success, making you feel you are better than everyone else —and more importantly making sure you tell them how crap they all are. I can do that for you bro, for just £50 in my next lecture.
All these years of feeling worthless, fell away. I now had the key to feeling superior to everyone else, and more importantly, making them feel worthless at the same time! I could project my dirtiest thoughts on everyone else for the sake of the deen! — I felt truly blessed.
Before I would see someone buying milk in Tesco’s —now, with my eyes open and my mind working overtime for the sake of the deen, I could see the inner reality! A woman, hitting on the cashier, and rubbing up against the till in order to try to book an illicit holiday on the cheap on club 18–30's!
Bloody free mixing for a pint of milk — what next! Sick society! I will have to give her some Dawah of my own sometime!
But one thing continued to bug me.
How did Dawah man go to the shops or buy anything if he was so against free mixing. His answer showed me the beauty and wisdom of his character:
“No bro, I ring a bell and my wife gets all my shit”
Couldn’t argue with that.
Mujahid Memon
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Hold on. All those beauties were men before surgery
A NATO supporter dissing a NATO creation :
Asghar Bukhari Interviews Dawah Man Over Free Mixing Comments
Now I never really understood what these crack head sounding religious dudes meant when they said the words ‘free-mixing’. So when a religious heavy weight, known as ‘Dawah Man’ criticised a group of Muslims for free mixing at a Syrian Demo, I decided to find out more.
Free mixing was a bad thing, I knew this instinctively, as anytime, anyone of these religious looking dudes said both the words ‘free’ and ‘mix’ together, they would get a glazed look about them, as if they were in a trance. This would lead to a involuntary licking of lips, which would lead to a wide oily smile, one was never sure if they were disgusted or fantasising about it.
So I did what any respectable Muslim would do in my position. I took advice from a holy dude in Birmingham (before you ask, yes he had a proper beard, so he clearly knew his stuff). Anyway it turns out that those two words were, and this may shock you — code for ‘wanting to have an orgy, disco, boogie down’ — but usually just good old nookie!
Now you know. So next time, when one of these religious dudes comes up to you and whispers; “Bro I went to the demonstration against Syria and people were free mixing with me’ what he is actually means is: “Bro I went to the demo and everyone there really wanted to have an orgy with me”.
See how much sense that makes.
Anyway, when I found out that Dawah Man had agreed to have an interview with me, I was ecstatic. I wanted to destroy his bigoted views, prove to the world what a charlatan he was, I had everything to gain and he everything to lose.
What I did not know at the time, was that I would end up becoming one of his disciples and how he would change my life and restore my sense of self esteem.
The Interview
Now I know some of you who are not as knowledgeable as Dawah Man, are right about now, sitting in disbelief, thinking something like — “Wth, I went to that Demo for Syria, because people are dying in Aleppo!”
So, in the interests of my readers I put these excuses to him:
Me: Is there any chance at all, that the people who went to a demo, went to go …for a demo?
DM: “No. They went to that demo for an orgy — fact”.
Me: “But how can you know for sure”
DM: “The evidence is clear cut, I saw people talking from a moving car — Wallahi, I can prove I was in a car, and it moved — fact bro.”
The logic was faultless, I couldn’t argue. He had all the angles covered. Even though he had convinced me, he continued, because he likes to make sure people understand simple things:
“Wallahi!” Why else would MEN AND WOMEN, be standing around AT NIGHT, , OUTSIDE AN EMBASSY — doesn't that sound even a little bit suspicious to you”.
I had to admit, it did sound suspicious. But I knew my readers would want me to push Dawah Man for answers, so I continued:
Me: “But why would they go to a Demo to hit the jackpot, why not go to a disco, trust me, there is some good stuff going on there brother- proper fitna”
DM: Bro do I look like I am in a boyband?
Me: What? No, I dont think so, why?
DM: No its just some girls think I am in a boyband, you know, like they see me and they get all crazy. Wallahi, some girl left a comment on my Facebook page, that I was like all 5 members of a boyband rolled into one — with a beard. She is right, but I didn’t want to encourage fitna. Girls say, I am walking fitna. Did I tell you I can rap?
Me: Er, yeah, great….thanks, but back to business bro, why a demo?
DM: “Look up the word gullible in the dictionary bro! The word starts with a “G” Not many people know that. Anyway, these people are lying and I caught them all out for the sake of the deen. I mean if a sister, really cared about Syria, why not protest at home, in her own room, alone, where I can’t see how hot she is- I mean why has she got to come on to me like that? Huh — ANSWER THAT!”
Me: A sister came onto you from the demo?
DM: No, I was in a moving car, had my pajamas on, cold outside bro, but I was thinking, what if she had come on to me, you know, like all girly and nice, flashing her eyes and ting!
Me: Oooo-k moving on, now some people have pointed out, that there may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for men and women to talk, other than planning pre-marital nookie with a total stranger? Like maybe they were talking to their actual wives, or needed to find out the other person's view on Syria, or had an Uncle in Nigeria who just needed £5000 dollars to get access to a million pounds in gold, in a bank account he held and who would be willing to share that once he had your bank details.
DM: “Wallah that is Bull S***. Bro, follow the pious dudes bro, it is a well known Islamic principle bro, that we take the most offensive and negative thought that crosses our mind and project that negative thought on anyone who happens to be around you. Well known bro, everyone knows, its agreed upon bro. Do you know more than everyone bro, can you speak Arabic bro — can you?
He was right, I didn’t know Arabic — how could I even think without knowing Arabic. I felt really stupid. Then he hit me with a life changing revelation.
DM: What if I told you, that you were holier than everyone else, what if I told you, that the worse you thought about your fellow man, the better you would feel about yourself!
Me: You mean, everyone else is going to hell but me? Basically, I am not as crap as everyone else! — I see the light!
DM: Exactly! thats the spirit. That's the secret of my success, making you feel you are better than everyone else —and more importantly making sure you tell them how crap they all are. I can do that for you bro, for just £50 in my next lecture.
All these years of feeling worthless, fell away. I now had the key to feeling superior to everyone else, and more importantly, making them feel worthless at the same time! I could project my dirtiest thoughts on everyone else for the sake of the deen! — I felt truly blessed.
Before I would see someone buying milk in Tesco’s —now, with my eyes open and my mind working overtime for the sake of the deen, I could see the inner reality! A woman, hitting on the cashier, and rubbing up against the till in order to try to book an illicit holiday on the cheap on club 18–30's!
Bloody free mixing for a pint of milk — what next! Sick society! I will have to give her some Dawah of my own sometime!
But one thing continued to bug me.
How did Dawah man go to the shops or buy anything if he was so against free mixing. His answer showed me the beauty and wisdom of his character:
“No bro, I ring a bell and my wife gets all my shit”
Couldn’t argue with that.
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Hamartia Antidote
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