Stupid and funny from all over the world - II
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rohitshubham
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something epic i came across today . Plz read it full ,it's hilarious
but True to an extent
Military: If China, Pakistan and Sri Lanka attack India at the same time, how long will it take to defeat India?
Look at it this way. If military strength is compared to a no holds barred fight, we have roughly a following distribution.
China is a professional boxer Lee. A world class one at that.
India is a street cop, Kumar. Can take care of street rats, but no match for the boxer when it comes to fight.
Pakistan is his 13 year old brother, Ali, aggressive, hot head, but untrained .
Srilanka is a 5 year old kid, Thiru.
Now, suppose, Ali, Lee and Thiru, all have decided to beat the **** out of Kumar, in a no holds barred street fight at Kumar's home. Who will Kumar worry the most about? But obviously, Lee.
Kumar quickly slaps Thiru and Ali, making way to save himself from Lee. Lee, however is a professional, he throws a solid punch at Kumar's face, Kumar ducks, but couldn't evade the second punch right into his ribs. Kumar starts bleeding. He throws a couple of hands at Lee himself, but Lee doesn't find it anything close to painful. Meanwhile, Ali, tries to get hold of Kumar, Kumar, lends a solid kick to Ali, fending him off for some time, but this gives ample opportunity to Lee to deliver another sucker punch.
Kumar clearly knows that he will be defeated by Lee. He knew it before the fight even began. But what are Lee's intentions? Is it beating down Kumar just enough, or to do some serious damage?
If it is beating down Kumar, then he is probably done. He will leave the fight, and Kumar will let go of his anger on Ali. Thiru is just a kid here, whom Kumar loves very much anyways, so after a couple of slaps, Thiru would just be crying beyond measure.
Now, suppose, that's not the case. Then, it's a no holds barred fight, remember. Lee keeps on taking Kumar's case. Kumar is adamant, he won't bow. In this mind numbing scenario, Kumar accidentally punches Thiru, and Thiru was badly bruised. Ali keeps on getting his share of mis delivered punches from Lee, and a couple of solid blows from Kumar.
Kumar knows, that if he ends up fighting with Lee, with punches, he will be crippled permanently. So, he knows he has a grenade. But then, Lee has a grenade too. Both of them warn each other of their own grenades. Ali says, I have a grenade too. Both Kumar and Lee share a laugh. Ali says, I am damn serious. Both of them know, grenades are only to be used in situation of desperation, as they would both die, if it comes down to them, but have no faith whatsoever in Ali. Lee increases his unintentional blows to Ali. Things get ugly, the fight between Lee and Kumar becomes seriously bloody, but hasn't yet come down to the bombs.
Now, there are 3 neighbors down the next lane, USA as Andy, UK as Wilson and Russia as Vladimir. Andy is the MMA world champion. He hates Lee and has an on and off relationship with Ali. Andy, although he is the best in the world, shows off his power by beating and looting random 10 year olds like Iraq and Afghanistan, and uses them to practice actual fight. So, he is feared, seriously.
Wilson and Vlad are both WWE wrestlers, plenty of show off, but not really in a mood of real fight.
They all are seriously pissed off with Lee, for stealing all their business.
Now, when they realize that with Kumar beaten up, Lee will be ruling a full corner of the neighborhood, they realize that this would make Lee a grave danger to themselves and their livelihood. They also know that Lee, ultimately aims to take over the full area. They also know that if it comes down to bombs, the whole neighborhood is destroyed.
So, Andy threatens Lee to stay away from Kumar. Lee, says "Bullshit". Vlad and Wilson will keep on delivering Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson style lines, but will wait for Andy to do anything. Andy delivers couple of warnings more to Lee who in turn delivers another couple of punches to Kumar, and Andy says it's enough. Kumar is seriously bleeding now, and is seriously contemplating taken Lee down with himself using bombs, before Lee does some permanent damage to him. Andy knows this, and Lee knows this, but Lee wants to extract some more. Andy sees, it's enough.
Ali, meanwhile knows he can't take on Andy, says sorry to Andy, and sits like a good boy at home, leaving Kumar and his home. Andy even gives him money for an ice cream. Thiru, has gone missing in all this. May be, he would be found sometime later.
Andy steps in, delivers 3 solid kicks to Lee. Lee starts bleeding now. He knows that things have gone out of hand. Depending upon his mood, he will either step back, still swearing at Kumar, or if he has grown really powerful, take a stone and throw it at Andy's house.
This seriously infuriates Andy, who is now going to beat the **** out of Lee. He punches and kicks and punches and kicks Lee. Fighting moves to Lee's home. Lee, threatens Andy now, that he has got the bomb. Andy replies, "You have got bombs? I have got 100 times bigger bombs than you do." (which is by the way completely true). Lee is afraid. Wilson and Vlad join in, deliver a couple of punches to Lee, who is strangled by Andy.
Lee knows that this is seriously getting out of his hand now. He calls for help. But everybody hates him. Nobody comes. His own brother, Lama (Tibet), who is merely a 10 year old kid, whom he used to bully, comes to join the party and deliver two unconsequential blows to Lee.
Lee quickly changes stance, and makes peace with Andy. He gives all the money he made from Andy's customers back to Andy. Wilson and Vlad demand a share from Andy. Andy is like "Seriously?". They both shut up. Lee is bruised enough not to take on Kumar again. Kumar is bruised enough not to take on him again. Lee takes out his wrath on Lama. Seriously.
Kumar's and Lee's houses as well as bodies are a shitty mess. One fourth of Kumar's house needs to be rebuilt, but he still owns the property. Ali never had a house, and has taken some serious damage. Thiru is still missing. Another kid, Gorkha (Nepal) has gone missing.
Meanwhile, in the next lane, Kawasaki (Japan) and Pufendorf (Germany) are celebrating Christmas in July, with Lee and Kumar out of business.
My editings:
Lee, Ali and Thiru who are about to beat the **** out of kumar and take over his house, soon realize that Kumar's house is infested with termites ( corrupt officials ), bed bugs ( corrupt politicians ), plague spreading rodents ( crony capitalists ) and venomous snakes ( owaisi, thogadia etc.. ). Knowing that Kumar's house is going to collapse on its own, Lee and Thiru decide to sit back, drink beer and watch the show, however Ali being the impatient brat keeps throwing stones at Kumar's house while hiding behind a peace billboard and sends a few more snakes ( the kasabs, the afzal gurus and other lot), with the help of snake charmers ( LeT, JeM etc.. ).
"Andy giving money to Ali for an icecream " is epic though... lol..!!
Another version:
A couple of days later after the big fight, Ali sneaks in Kumar's home and tries to give him a wedgie with the help of his bastard half brother Akram(Terrorist/Ghuspetiye), but Kumar sees this and goes total batshit medieval crazy on Ali and Akram's ***. Deluded that he had the big final blow in the tourney, Kumar sings praises of himself as a great guy and makes shitloads of Bollywood movies about it and keeps chanting Proud to be Kumar; while Andy, Wilson & co. laugh cheekily in the background smoking Fidel's cigars and drinking Jean-Claude's champagne.
The truth:
Kumar is doing same mistake which he did in 1962 thinking that mr andy and vald will help him. It could be better if kumar is always ready with hockey stick even when lee is not going to attack him. In this way atleast he can give first lethal blow if ever lee intend to attack before mr andy and vald could arrive.
but True to an extent
Military: If China, Pakistan and Sri Lanka attack India at the same time, how long will it take to defeat India?
Look at it this way. If military strength is compared to a no holds barred fight, we have roughly a following distribution.
China is a professional boxer Lee. A world class one at that.
India is a street cop, Kumar. Can take care of street rats, but no match for the boxer when it comes to fight.
Pakistan is his 13 year old brother, Ali, aggressive, hot head, but untrained .
Srilanka is a 5 year old kid, Thiru.
Now, suppose, Ali, Lee and Thiru, all have decided to beat the **** out of Kumar, in a no holds barred street fight at Kumar's home. Who will Kumar worry the most about? But obviously, Lee.
Kumar quickly slaps Thiru and Ali, making way to save himself from Lee. Lee, however is a professional, he throws a solid punch at Kumar's face, Kumar ducks, but couldn't evade the second punch right into his ribs. Kumar starts bleeding. He throws a couple of hands at Lee himself, but Lee doesn't find it anything close to painful. Meanwhile, Ali, tries to get hold of Kumar, Kumar, lends a solid kick to Ali, fending him off for some time, but this gives ample opportunity to Lee to deliver another sucker punch.
Kumar clearly knows that he will be defeated by Lee. He knew it before the fight even began. But what are Lee's intentions? Is it beating down Kumar just enough, or to do some serious damage?
If it is beating down Kumar, then he is probably done. He will leave the fight, and Kumar will let go of his anger on Ali. Thiru is just a kid here, whom Kumar loves very much anyways, so after a couple of slaps, Thiru would just be crying beyond measure.
Now, suppose, that's not the case. Then, it's a no holds barred fight, remember. Lee keeps on taking Kumar's case. Kumar is adamant, he won't bow. In this mind numbing scenario, Kumar accidentally punches Thiru, and Thiru was badly bruised. Ali keeps on getting his share of mis delivered punches from Lee, and a couple of solid blows from Kumar.
Kumar knows, that if he ends up fighting with Lee, with punches, he will be crippled permanently. So, he knows he has a grenade. But then, Lee has a grenade too. Both of them warn each other of their own grenades. Ali says, I have a grenade too. Both Kumar and Lee share a laugh. Ali says, I am damn serious. Both of them know, grenades are only to be used in situation of desperation, as they would both die, if it comes down to them, but have no faith whatsoever in Ali. Lee increases his unintentional blows to Ali. Things get ugly, the fight between Lee and Kumar becomes seriously bloody, but hasn't yet come down to the bombs.
Now, there are 3 neighbors down the next lane, USA as Andy, UK as Wilson and Russia as Vladimir. Andy is the MMA world champion. He hates Lee and has an on and off relationship with Ali. Andy, although he is the best in the world, shows off his power by beating and looting random 10 year olds like Iraq and Afghanistan, and uses them to practice actual fight. So, he is feared, seriously.
Wilson and Vlad are both WWE wrestlers, plenty of show off, but not really in a mood of real fight.
They all are seriously pissed off with Lee, for stealing all their business.
Now, when they realize that with Kumar beaten up, Lee will be ruling a full corner of the neighborhood, they realize that this would make Lee a grave danger to themselves and their livelihood. They also know that Lee, ultimately aims to take over the full area. They also know that if it comes down to bombs, the whole neighborhood is destroyed.
So, Andy threatens Lee to stay away from Kumar. Lee, says "Bullshit". Vlad and Wilson will keep on delivering Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson style lines, but will wait for Andy to do anything. Andy delivers couple of warnings more to Lee who in turn delivers another couple of punches to Kumar, and Andy says it's enough. Kumar is seriously bleeding now, and is seriously contemplating taken Lee down with himself using bombs, before Lee does some permanent damage to him. Andy knows this, and Lee knows this, but Lee wants to extract some more. Andy sees, it's enough.
Ali, meanwhile knows he can't take on Andy, says sorry to Andy, and sits like a good boy at home, leaving Kumar and his home. Andy even gives him money for an ice cream. Thiru, has gone missing in all this. May be, he would be found sometime later.
Andy steps in, delivers 3 solid kicks to Lee. Lee starts bleeding now. He knows that things have gone out of hand. Depending upon his mood, he will either step back, still swearing at Kumar, or if he has grown really powerful, take a stone and throw it at Andy's house.
This seriously infuriates Andy, who is now going to beat the **** out of Lee. He punches and kicks and punches and kicks Lee. Fighting moves to Lee's home. Lee, threatens Andy now, that he has got the bomb. Andy replies, "You have got bombs? I have got 100 times bigger bombs than you do." (which is by the way completely true). Lee is afraid. Wilson and Vlad join in, deliver a couple of punches to Lee, who is strangled by Andy.
Lee knows that this is seriously getting out of his hand now. He calls for help. But everybody hates him. Nobody comes. His own brother, Lama (Tibet), who is merely a 10 year old kid, whom he used to bully, comes to join the party and deliver two unconsequential blows to Lee.
Lee quickly changes stance, and makes peace with Andy. He gives all the money he made from Andy's customers back to Andy. Wilson and Vlad demand a share from Andy. Andy is like "Seriously?". They both shut up. Lee is bruised enough not to take on Kumar again. Kumar is bruised enough not to take on him again. Lee takes out his wrath on Lama. Seriously.
Kumar's and Lee's houses as well as bodies are a shitty mess. One fourth of Kumar's house needs to be rebuilt, but he still owns the property. Ali never had a house, and has taken some serious damage. Thiru is still missing. Another kid, Gorkha (Nepal) has gone missing.
Meanwhile, in the next lane, Kawasaki (Japan) and Pufendorf (Germany) are celebrating Christmas in July, with Lee and Kumar out of business.
My editings:
Lee, Ali and Thiru who are about to beat the **** out of kumar and take over his house, soon realize that Kumar's house is infested with termites ( corrupt officials ), bed bugs ( corrupt politicians ), plague spreading rodents ( crony capitalists ) and venomous snakes ( owaisi, thogadia etc.. ). Knowing that Kumar's house is going to collapse on its own, Lee and Thiru decide to sit back, drink beer and watch the show, however Ali being the impatient brat keeps throwing stones at Kumar's house while hiding behind a peace billboard and sends a few more snakes ( the kasabs, the afzal gurus and other lot), with the help of snake charmers ( LeT, JeM etc.. ).
"Andy giving money to Ali for an icecream " is epic though... lol..!!
Another version:
A couple of days later after the big fight, Ali sneaks in Kumar's home and tries to give him a wedgie with the help of his bastard half brother Akram(Terrorist/Ghuspetiye), but Kumar sees this and goes total batshit medieval crazy on Ali and Akram's ***. Deluded that he had the big final blow in the tourney, Kumar sings praises of himself as a great guy and makes shitloads of Bollywood movies about it and keeps chanting Proud to be Kumar; while Andy, Wilson & co. laugh cheekily in the background smoking Fidel's cigars and drinking Jean-Claude's champagne.
The truth:
Kumar is doing same mistake which he did in 1962 thinking that mr andy and vald will help him. It could be better if kumar is always ready with hockey stick even when lee is not going to attack him. In this way atleast he can give first lethal blow if ever lee intend to attack before mr andy and vald could arrive.
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All of Pakistan's languages including Urdu are written in the Shahmukhi (or its other name the Nastaleeq) Script !
So no...there is no difference.
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